The Freshman
by wuogkat
Summary: The Cullens have been mourning Bella's death for four years until they go back to college. Set after New Moon, Bella waited for Jake to cliff dive and now she's gone? This is a companion piece to my story The TA, same story from different POVs
1. The Freshman

**A/N This story is a companion to "The TA" The TA is written from Bella's POV and this is the same story from Edward's POV. I started The TA first so the story is much further along in that one. The chapter numbers will coincide between the two stories even though this makes for some very long Edward chapters over here!**

**All characters belong to Stephanie Meyer, with the exception of a couple that I invented**

**Evanescence: My Immortal **

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**Dido: Here with me**

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It had been four years since I had painfully removed my own heart in the woods outside of Bella's house. My chest still ached every day. She had died several months later. I was hurting and I had no one to blame but myself. Jasper of course didn't make matters any better by continuously blaming himself as well. It was hard enough being in my own head but his was nearly as brutal. Today, I would start college as a freshman again, something that Bella would never get to do. Just thinking her name ached deeply within me. Jasper glanced at me from the passenger seat and grimaced.

_I know, it's hard on me too bro. She'd be a senior this year with you and Alice at Dartmouth._

We started over after that day in her room; Dartmouth was out of the question. I had fantasized about her attending school there with me too much. Instead, we all went back to high school. Carlisle found us yet another college to attend. Rosalie and Emmett had already been living here for a year. She loved it. The campus was entirely wooded so even on sunny days we could attend class. Sometimes it took a bit longer to find a path from one class to another but there was always a way. It was almost like being normal though. Although, there was no normal for me. I truly pitied Jasper for having to put up with me, and all of the depression and self-loathing that must have exuded from me.

I was pulled from my reverie with a sudden jolt. As I pulled into the last parking space in the wooded lot, a motorcycle shot in front of me. Had I been so deep in thought that I hadn't heard the driver? The car lurched to a stop just barely missing the small figure on a red motorcycle. I clutched the steering wheel in frustration and felt calm ease through me.

_What was that?_

_Are you loosing it Edward, you almost hit her!.... Why didn't I see that coming? Huh..._

_Wow, just wow... check that out! Bad girl! She is sexy! She can handle that bike too. How did you miss __**her**__ Edward, you can't tell me you didn't see or hear __**that **__coming? Not even you could be that depressed._

_That is so hot! I love a chick in leather and she can handle that bike... I wonder if Rose would .._. I quickly blocked Emmett's thoughts before they became X-rated.

"I'm sorry, I honestly didn't hear her." We were still sitting halfway in the space staring at this creature. Her back was still toward us as she removed her helmet and a cascade of wavy chestnut hair flowed from it and settled swooshing down her slim back. She ran a hand through her hair and something struck me as familiar. I stopped breathing. I noticed immediately that there was something a bit off about the way she stood, an injury? Something about the skin on her side looked off too as her shirt and jacket exposed bare skin when she lifted her arms, but I couldn't see clearly through the glass. I couldn't help but think that she was also slimmer than she should be... how would I know that?

_Are we going to go to class or are you going to ogle the near road pizza all day? _Rosalie's agitation was growing.

I held up a hand to my now anxious siblings and then I noticed hers. The hand she ran through her hair shimmered slightly in a tiny ray of sunlight that came through the trees. I gasped. This could not be real I needed to go home. Then, Alice caught sight of it.

"Is that?" She tapped Jasper on the shoulder.

"That's definitely from a vampire bite." Jasper leaned forward.

"Isn't that the same...?" Emmett's voice trailed off as she turned her profile to us.

_It can't be. _Rosalie looked up just in time.

_There is no way! _ Emmett's mental tone was purely elated, he was positive of what he saw.

_She's not dead. _ Jasper was suddenly relieved, he relaxed in a way that he hadn't in four years.

_Bella's alive Edward! Bella is right there in front of us!_ Alice sobbed.

The angel turned to us and yelled gesturing wildly, but I couldn't hear her. I sat frozen in my seat. It was Bella! It was really Bella! She was alive and she was here. I was immobile. Should I get out and talk to her?

"Well, now we know why you didn't hear her coming. But how and why is she here?" Rosalie didn't seem nearly as pleased as the rest of us.

What was she doing riding a motorcycle? Those things were death traps and she knew it! I knew that she promised Charlie never to ride one. She had promised me that she would take care of herself. What was she thinking? She looked up angrily shoving her jacket into a bag.

There was no coherent thought in the car.

I studied what I could of her beautiful face as she collected her things. I should have gotten out of the car or pulled off to find another spot but I sat mesmerized. I could feel a tingling where my heart should be; it swelled from inside of me. For the first time in four years I felt hope.

A wry smile came to her lips as she turned back to us and tucked her helmet under her arm. She stalked up to my window with authority.

"If you're waiting for me to move, I hope you enjoy disappointment." Her face broke into an amazing smile after that and she laughed a little to herself. Had she recognized the car? I thought that unlikely.

"Don't go after her!" Alice shouted as I placed my hand on the door handle. She was walking away from me. I had grieved for her for four years and she was walking away!

"I have to!"

"No!"

Alice's vision came in images:

Bella curled up on a sidewalk under the trees rocking back and forth, bags and helmet splayed around her as if they'd been dropped. Bella is refusing to look at me, not responding to my voice.

'You're not real. Why can I see you?'

Bella with tears streaming down her face calling home for someone to get her, 'I'm having a nervous breakdown.'

Bella screaming as Alice touches her. 'VAMPIRES!'

"Not that way Edward." Alice shook her head.

I pulled away as soon as she was gone and drove to a little shop close to campus where Alice had already spent enough money that the owner knew her and wouldn't mind if we took up a space all day. Emmett quickly plotted out a tree-covered course to campus in his head. I set out on it without delay. The five of us moved at slightly faster than human speed.

"So, I suppose this means I'm off suicide watch this afternoon." Rosalie smiled.

As much as I had been elated to see Bella, I was also upset. She had most certainly not been taking care of herself. A motorcycle! She was driving a motorcycle and recklessly at that. She was also too thin, almost sick looking, and had been injured – most likely on that horrid bike. I needed to take care of her. No, she needed me to take care of her.

"Those are some pretty conflicting emotions." Jasper stated falling in to step with me. Over the past three years we had cemented an even tighter bond.

"I was thinking about the motorcycle." I grimaced

"Oh no, not even you can have a problem with that?!" Emmett boomed as he caught up to us.

"She could be killed! Any moment on that thing someone could hit her and she could die!" I shrieked at him.

_Man you scream like a girl. _

I scowled at my brother.

"Oh but Edward, you can't tell me you weren't even the slightest aroused when she pulled into that space and got off of the bike, before you knew it was her. It was really hot!" Emmett pleaded his case for the bike. "Back me up here Jasper."

An image of _Bella's rear end as she got off the bike _flowed from him, followed by_ her hair gently flowing out of the helmet as she removed it... _then Bella morphed into Alice and I had to stop watching because she was removing clothing.

"Jasper please!" I glanced at him, dumbfounded.

"Sorry but if I can convince Alice to ride one...." Jasper sighed and entertained thoughts about my sister in various states of undress on a Harley Davidson that I would rather not hear.

"Edward, it's like a girl who can drive a stick shift, this is a good thing. It's beyond sexy." He raised his eyebrows and nodded, this time he was thinking about Rose in the BMW.

I heard Rosalie huff indignantly from behind me, I had blocked out her thoughts as usual.

"It's okay Rose, he's thinking about you driving the BMW." I called back to her. This seemed to placate her for the moment.

"That bike has to stay." Emmett reiterated.

"Did you see how she pulled in?" Jasper piped up, his fantasies about Alice were fortunately smothered for the moment but they remained lurking under the surface. "She knows what she's doing. I've tried that move as a vampire and it wasn't easy, but it was perfect, seamless. Her balance on the ground may not be ideal but she has that bike figured out." He replayed the controlled skid she slid into followed by the abrupt stop on a dime.

"This is Bella we're talking about. Remember, Bella! Bella the danger magnet?" I crossed my arms feeling my backpack shift slightly. "That bike must go!"

"Edward..." Alice piped up from behind me.

The image she was seeing was clear.

Bella obviously perturbed, riding away from me in the parking lot as I crumple to the ground.

"Bad idea, because she's not coming back if that happens." She squeezed between Jasper and me.

We reached campus and split off for class. Alice and I made our way to the Literature building. I caught a glimpse of Bella walking down the sidewalk in our direction drinking something from a small can and struggling to carry two bags, a helmet, and an apple as we made our way inside. Alice ushered me into a throng of students next to the lecture hall for our first class. I caught the scent of freesias just before she pulled me around the corner.

_Not yet.:_

Bella rocking and crying in the hallway while a large blond haired man threatens me.

I didn't want to wait, I wanted to run to her and beg forgiveness. I wanted to hold her, to touch her, to kiss her... Whatever was necessary to win her back, I would do it. It took all of my self control to hold myself steady.

Alice's eyes clouded over I saw the events in her head but also in the mind of a male graduate student who was walking with Bella there was a second's lapse between the two:

'I'll take A through L' she smiled.

I missed what her coworker said because I noticed the smile on her face turn to horror as she looked at the list. He caught it too; she stopped, _what was wrong? _His thought echoed my own.

'Swan?'

'Bella!' He head snapped up like it had been forced. Her coworker was suddenly concerned and shocked, he thought of her as a little sister; she looked a bit like his real sister actually. This was why he and his wife were both fond of her.

'Do you know a couple of guys named Quil and Embry?' Perhaps she wasn't shocked about our names on the roster. She looked angry though. _She's ticked about something._ Andrew caught that, he was a good man, caring, observant...

'Why? Are they on your list?' He took the list and started to scan it, our names were there but no Quil or Embry. _What has her so freaked out?_

'No but I think someone's trying to be funny.' she ripped the list back and continued to interrogate him.

Just then they came very close and I could smell her. Her scent intensified, the burn branding me as hers once again. I got too close and Alice pulled me back. Bella wavered on her feet, not quite tripping but almost falling. Andrew caught her before I got too close. He took no pleasure in touching her, she was a sister, I attempted to reign in my jealousy at him being able to touch her when it was all I wanted to do.

_She looks even more tired than she did last week at orientation. Does she ever sleep? _Andrew thought of the energy drinks and coffee that he had seen her drink during their orientation meeting and the staff social that night. She and his wife had been the only ones not drinking alcohol. Bella held a cup of coffee the entire time. Andrew witnessed her refilling it often; she drank it black and often made a face when she pulled a sip. _That can't be healthy. _ I agreed with him. Bella had a low tolerance for caffeine years ago and if she was drinking that much to keep going, then something was wrong.

Then, my angel's voice broke through the bustling noise of eager students. They were all buzzing around like bees; this was the first class of most of their college careers.

"Attention! If your last name starts with one of the letters between A and L alphabetically, then you will enter through this door and sit on this side of the hall. M thru Z will go through those doors and sit on that side!" She was authoritative and in complete control of the situation. The students hushed to listen to her. Her confidence was marvelous but it didn't help my resolve to not grab her and run away as fast as I could to keep her all to myself, it actually spurred it on.

She smacked a sign stating "A-L" on the door nearest to us. The smack had been hard and I wondered if she had hurt her hand. I moved to get closer and Alice grabbed me again. This time Bella was screaming at me in front of a classroom full of college students, her face red with mortification. I stopped,_ for Bella_.

_You need to take this slow brother. Did you just see her? She's quite different now, the same person is underneath but I doubt she's going to welcome you with open arms._

I nodded. Slow... I had to take this slow, for Bella. I would let her yell at me until her heart was content if it meant that I could touch her again, that I could eventually get her to say 'yes' to me again.


	2. Chapter 2 Mistakes

**A/N This story is a companion to "The TA" The TA is written from Bella's POV and this is the same story from Edward's POV. I started The TA first so the story is much further along in that one. The chapter numbers will coincide between the two stories even though this makes for some very long Edward chapters over here!**

**All characters belong to Stephanie Meyer, with the exception of a couple that I invented**

**Wherever you will go – The Calling**

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Sitting through the same boring lecture about English literature had never been so interesting. Alice and I sat all the way on the side of the hall near the aisle next to the wall. I made a mistake early on. Bella introduced herself and I embarrassed her, she heard me laugh at her joke and her eyes instantly snapped to mine. I felt immensely guilty. Our eyes locked and she blushed, I missed her blush my memory could never quite replace the real thing. I had shaken her confidence though and for that I could not forgive myself. I pondered how long it had been between when we made eye contact and when she resumed her introduction. Surely it had been brief. For me, the world stopped as I was finally allowed to look directly into her eyes unhindered by someone else's interpretation or flawed glass. She gripped the side of the lectern for balance; I wanted to run to her, to steady her. She seemed so much more fragile than before. Bella tripped in a most dramatic fashion on her way back to her seat. Her chagrin was deep but she attempted to cover it with a dramatic bow. There was pain on her face though, perhaps from whatever injury she had sustained on that bike.

_Don't touch that bike_. Alice shot me a glare.

I gave her an indignant look in response and mouthed, 'fine'.

Alice and I waited for her after class. I watched her collect her things and resisted the urge to go to her. Resisting tore me apart. She was right there and I couldn't go to her. I couldn't touch her or beg her forgiveness. I witnessed her behaving selflessly again. There was work to be done and she took it instead of allowing her coworker to do it. The professor asked her to remove Alice and myself from the classroom.

_This isn't going to be as easy as you think it is Edward._

I nodded.

_I can't see exactly what's going to happen but you need to keep your cool because every time you think about that bike she runs off. She's very independent now and you are going to have to let her be that way._

I nodded again. Bella was walking up the stairs. I knew what I wanted to do.

_Do not kiss her right now! You need to wait:_

Bella curled on a bathroom floor in the fetal position crying.

I shook the image out of my head.

_I'm going to head off to class as soon as she leads us out. Do not make her any angrier than she is._

Was she angry?

_And do not mention that bike under any circumstances or I will tear you to shreds and burn the pieces myself. I want my sister back Edward and you are not going to mess this up this time._

I nodded. Bella had reached our row.

"Are you coming or are you going to take Dr. Stevens' survey course as well?" She couldn't even look at us. My heart broke again. I had completely lost her. I would win her back I had to.

She favored her right leg as she climbed the stairs ahead of us. Every step was a dagger in my heart. It had to be my fault that she was in so much pain that was all I had ever brought her. Perhaps this wasn't such a good idea. I should run...

_No Edward! This time you are staying._

Bella pushed the door open with slumped shoulders. Her entire posture was that of a broken woman. If I couldn't go, then I would have to spend the rest of eternity making it up to her. I half expected Alice's favorite vision of Bella, as a vampire to rear its head at the decision but there was nothing. Perhaps my chances were worse than I thought. Was Bella with someone else? That thought crushed me, it had been what I wanted but it would be excruciatingly painful.

"I'm sorry Bella, I have another class to get to. Can I come by your office later?" Alice squeaked and jumped happily in place. She would get Bella back even if I didn't.

_I'm leaving you with her; make it right Edward – I'm warning you!_

"Sure, _you_ can come by anytime." Bella sounded delighted. Her voice was so beautiful but she had emphasized the word 'you', possibly meaning Alice's presence was welcomed but not mine.

"So…" I started as soon as Alice retreated hoping to catch her before her goodwill had a chance to falter. She walked past me, her arm barely brushing my shoulder; the closeness elicited a silent rumble from my chest. Restraint. My angel stopped for a moment as if thinking and then turned on me.

"Do you have a question about the lecture or perhaps the syllabus, Mr. Cullen?" She was angrily focusing on a point behind me as she spoke. I had hurt her immeasurably. _I will fix this._

"No Bella -." Her countenance instantly shifted as I said her name. It was painful for her.

"That's Miss Swan to you." Her tone shifted away from containing the slightest bit of civility. This was going to be difficult.

"But you just said to call you -." I attempted to show her reason; I needed to say her name with such desperation that not saying it might destroy me.

"Yeah, well you don't exist, and people who don't exist get to call me Miss Swan." My own words had been used against me. I deserved this. She had not forgiven me for leaving her but that was a good sign, right? She stalked off down the hallway and I couldn't help but follow her. She pulled me along with a force greater than gravity.

We reached a suite of offices marked by a glass section of wall. I tried not to, I hesitated at the door, but I followed her in. There was no way that I could be away from her for any length of time now. She was upset, she was hurting, and it was my fault.

"Can I help you?" _Oh please let me help you_. The secretary at the desk in the central office interrupted my pursuit. Oh, why did human females have to think like that around me... some of the things going through her head were just unnatural, no one could do that vampire or otherwise.

I shook my head and leaned into the doorway where _Bella_ had just entered. If I wasn't permitted to call her name I would think it. _Bella_ ducked under my arm the heat of her body tickled and teased my side. _Bella's_ freesia scent wafted past me, and my throat burned again but the burning was good. I deserved to burn, to suffer and _Bella_ deserved to inflict this suffering upon me intentionally or not. She still used that strawberry shampoo I noted through the burn.

_Bella_ had walked away from me again. I followed like a lost child. She inclined her head reflexively in an unconscious gesture acknowledging my presence at the door to the mailroom. She abused the copier and then ripped a stack of papers out of a cubbyhole on the wall, presumably her mailbox. I watched _Bella_ as she sifted through papers; she read each one multiple times refusing to even look at me. Ultimately, she threw most of them into the recycling bin.

_Hmmm what do we have here.... Looks young enough to be a freshman, I wonder what he's doing in the doorway. Oh Bella! I might just need to check my mail, there could be something important in there._ An image of Bella pressed against the copier wafted through the mind behind me. I tensed for a second before remembering myself.

I let the vile creature pass me and noticed Bella tense up as soon as he made it into her line of sight. She shuddered almost imperceptibly, the human probably didn't notice. She pushed herself tightly into the copier, the opposite direction of how this pervert had imagined her and closed her eyes disgusted as he made more contact than strictly necessary to pass her. Some very inappropriate images of her on that copier oozed from his disgusting mind. I grabbed the metal doorframe to restrain myself. I growled but Bella was the only one who reacted to it.

"Who's the kid?" He sneered.

"This is one of my freshmen, Mr. Cullen. He's from -." Bella's voice was tight; she didn't want to talk about me and she most certainly didn't want to speak to this low-life.

"Alaska." I continued to practice restraint. She was introducing me as a freshman first and foremost to this disgusting creature not two feet from her who had just touched – I had to stop thinking about that.

"He also seems to be stalking me. Isn't that nice?" She forced a saccharine smile at him while she insulted me.

"Do you want me to call security?" _I think I could take him if you give me something in return._ He was doing a good job of appearing nonchalant.

"No, he'll get tired and realize that I'm not all that _distracting_ and run off eventually. Freshmen are rather like Romeo, they're fickle." To say that her comment angered me would be an understatement. She, who had defended Romeo to me once, was now comparing me to his and once again using my own argument against me. In addition, she had just implied that she had only been a distraction in my life, that I had not loved her. This was not an assumption that I would settle for; anger coursed through me, venom filled my mouth. As she passed I deftly grabbed her wrist and prevented her from walking away from me. I was tired of this game and it would end now. Her skin shocked mine with that familiar electric current. I had not felt that in years.

Then, she did something unexpected. Bella would normally have come to her senses or cried or apologized, I even expected her to attempt wrenching her wrist free, but she didn't. Bella's face was set in an angry expression. To a human it would have been intimidating as it was raw and emotional. This was anger on a very primal level. I had seen her angry before but that never contained this raw edge coursing with rage. It was exciting in a way.

"You don't get to touch me." She brought herself up close to my ear. "It's been four years since you gave up that right and I suggest you let me go before I ask for help and you have to pretend to let 'Paul Roving-hands' over there beat you up to prevent your cover from being blown." I dropped her wrist in shock; she threatened me with exposure of all things. Of course, it was the one thing with which she could threaten me. She obviously believed that I didn't love her – which broke my heart. She knew that she couldn't hurt me physically and she couldn't run. What else was she left to do?

The second I dropped her wrist she marched back into her cramped little office and cut on the computer. I followed her because I couldn't stay away even now when it was readily apparent that she wanted me to go. She would have to tell me to leave. I wouldn't do it unless she kicked me out. I sat down at the desk behind hers and turned the chair in her direction.

"You've made your point. Are you finished?" I couldn't keep the ire out of my tone. Bella had threatened me after all.

"I haven't even begun to make my point." The rage was still seething from her. She violently banged on the keyboard ordering books from the library. The sheer force she put behind each stroke was shocking.

"I- I need to talk to you." Bella was breaking my heart; she was hurting too and I needed her. I needed her forgiveness but I also needed _her_ badly.

"I can't begin to imagine what _you_ might have to say to _me_." She continued to thwack the keys mercilessly.

"Please don't be childish about this. It's hard enough." The pain was becoming unbearable.

"You can drop the class, Stevens has some openings in her section, and Paul could be your TA. I'm sure that you'd be great friends. You seem to share the attitudes and taste when it comes to women." I remembered Alice's warning to hold my temper as she said this. Bella had only done it to get a rise out of me and I needed to diffuse this situation before it could get any more heated.

"Bella -." I forgot Bella's preference that I not say her name. She spun on me and met me with a wall of fury.

"You. Don't. Get. To. Call. Me. That." Bella planted her fists on the arms of my chair and leaned down in what was supposed to be a threatening gesture. It elicited a very different response from me. She was so close, close enough that I could feel the heat from her body warm my cold skin. Her hair drifted around my face when she leaned forward. I lost restraint over the lustful feelings I was experiencing. Bella's anger and her confidence were very sexy.

Automatically I knew that it was a mistake. I didn't make a decision I acted. My lips took advantage of her close proximity and pressed up into hers. Inexplicably one of my hands snaked around and locked into her hair holding her close to me. I embraced the burn as I fought the bloodlust building in my throat. I would not succumb to that monster; instead a very different sort of monster overcame me. I stood so that I towered over her slight form. I gently pushed the door closed and then thrust her up against it.

She didn't protest initially. Conversely, she pushed her warm body into me as tightly as she could, and she had gotten stronger. She filled me with an absolutely maddening sensation. _Careful, use restraint, be gentle_, I reminded myself. My hands caressed her face remembering every feature, relishing in them. I pushed her further into the door.

I was aware that something had gone wrong as I did this. She became less responsive. Had I hurt her? I would never forgive myself if I had. I was already so far in the wrong. I should not be kissing her; it was a selfish and rude act. Her body trembled between the door and mine. I smelled salt and opened my eyes to see tears streaming down her lovely face. Immediately I broke the kiss. She sobbed violently against the door.

"I'm sorry, I didn't think. I just – I wanted… I'm sorry Bella" I pulled away from her. This had been a mistake. Alice warned me not to kiss her and I could hear her mind clearly across the small campus screaming at me as loudly as she could. She could see Bella crying. Bella slipped past me to her desk and stood with her fists planted on it, her head hanging in the most pitiful position trying to gain control of her breathing and emotions.

I felt a set of thoughts move urgently across the outer office toward the door to this one. I had to act quickly. Bella's situation as a TA could be greatly compromised by my presence alone with her in her office. I could not risk that.

"Someone's coming." I whispered gently and carefully cracked the door open hoping that no one had noticed that it was closed. She shook her head and grabbed her things before bolting out the door. I attempted to follow and ran in to Andrew at the office door. He was looking to where she had disappeared.

_What's wrong with Swan? Something is seriously going on with her today._ He looked at me. _ Is it this guy? He looks like trouble._

It was an astute observation.

Bella had gone into the faculty women's restroom. It came off of the bank of offices and there were now too many people in the outer office for me to even try talking to her through the door. Crestfallen, I forced myself to leave the office. I had seriously messed this up and I needed to talk to Emmett or Jasper.


	3. Chapter 2B Injury

**A/N Edward is a bit upset that I'm behind on his version of events... This chapter goes between chaps 2 and 3 of "The TA". Many of you will be happy that Jasper is getting some much deserved face time in this one!**

**The characters belong to Stephanie Meyer.**

**ColdPlay – What If**

**Cheri MacGill – Up in the Air**

**Lisa Loeb and Nine Stories – Do You Sleep**

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It didn't take long to locate Jasper and Emmett; they were in the game room at the student center intimidating the humans. They particularly enjoyed messing with a group of kids in the corner who were playing some sort of game with dice on card tables. I gleaned from their thoughts that some form of vampire was involved and shook my head. They were so far from the truth about our world. I pushed open the doors and Jasper's eyes caught mine immediately. He felt me the second I came close and nudged Emmett. They abandoned their current game of annoy the clueless and racked up a game of pool so that we'd have something to occupy us.

"So, the depression and self loathing are back, what did you do?"

"I kissed her" I admitted darkly.

_That doesn't sound like it should be depressing. _ Emmett picked up a pool cue.

_I take it that didn't go well?_ Jasper raised his head.

"It didn't go well at all." I took the cue Emmett handed to me.

"You didn't..." Emmett's mind flashed to a gruesome image of Bella's body broken.

"No Emmett!" I loosened my grip on the cue after feeling it strain. "I certainly didn't do that."

_Has she moved on?_ Jasper stared at me levelly.

"She's very angry." I shook my head, there was no evidence of anyone else in the minds of her coworkers.

_Really, you think so? I thought you were the smart one._ Emmett chalked his cue unnecessarily.

_Did you find out what happened to her?_ Jasper remembered the intense scent of blood and finding her house in complete disarray. There was a large hole in the wall and although it had been cleaned haphazardly and the damage was a few weeks old when we got there most items in room held the smell of Bella's blood. His memory was also tinged with the smell of vampire and something that I recognized as werewolf. My own memory of finding a stack of her favorite books under the broken bed, saturated haunted me. I had taken the copies of Romeo and Juliet and her Jane Austen compilation with me and cleaned them as much as I could. Her copy of Wuthering Heights was a paperback and the blood had dried in to all of the pages, that we buried. The others sat on the end table in my room along with the presents from her eighteenth birthday that I had hidden under her floorboard.

"Edward?" I looked up at Jasper, we had stopped playing. "Did you find out what happened to her?" _She had to have been seriously injured._

"She's not really speaking to me in the strictest sense of the term." Admitting it made me feel worse. I had made so many mistakes where she was concerned that I couldn't count them. "Her right leg's been injured though, she favors it when she walks. Did you see her side this morning?" My brothers shook their heads. "There's something there but I haven't seen it up close."

"If she's not speaking to you then how and why did you kiss her?" Emmett raised an eyebrow.

"She was yelling as me and she leaned in very close to my face..."

_Wow I always thought you'd be too much of a prude to behave like that little brother._

"And you took that as an invitation?" Jasper was shocked at my behavior. His times as a human had been similar to mine, you didn't just kiss a woman. _You cad!_

"I just didn't think. She was so close and I'd been watching her and then I just got wrapped up in the emotion and her smell and kissed her." We made another effort to appear to actually be playing pool.

A low hum emitted from Emmett's pocket and he fished out his cell phone. He glanced at the caller ID and smiled. _ It's Alice_.

"Hi Alice." He flipped the phone open and I listened to his thoughts.

"Emmett, Do you have class right now?" Alice sounded impatient and frustrated.

"No, I'm playing pool with Jasper and Edward." He shook his head.

"I need you to get out of there, Edward has messed things up royally and I think you're the only one Bella will listen to." She was speaking as fast as she could without confusing nearby humans.

"I see" He looked at me and smirked. _After all these years I can finally clean up a mess for you._

"She's heading across campus in a few minutes will you go talk to her now? I can do it but I think you'd be better." Alice's voice held the quality that it did when she was having a vision.

"No, I'll go catch up with her, consider it done." _Don't worry Edward, I've got your back. She can't be any harder to deal with than Rose on a bad day._ He closed his phone and smiled before relinquishing his cue and heading out the door.

_Is he going to Bella?_

I nodded while pretending to miss a shot. Pretending to be bad at things requiring coordination could get boring but we did it out of habit.

_Did you find out anything or did you just make a complete fool of yourself?_ Jasper smirked.

"She's a graduate student." Jasper missed his shot in earnest at that. "Yeah, I guess that she hasn't had much of a social life. Bella's never been outgoing without having it forced on her and she loves to read. Knowing those two things I would conclude that she finished college in three years and probably didn't talk to anyone while doing it. I guess I was wrong about giving her a chance at a normal life."

_It's a little late to regret that._ He looked up at my change in mood. I suddenly felt very guilty about what I had said in the forest, it's something I never told anyone, including Alice and Jasper. _What's with the guilt?_ "You did tell her why we left didn't you?"

"Not in so many words." I was trying to be evasive but Jasper rounded on me.

"What did you tell her?" _Please tell me you're not a complete idiot._

"I told her that I didn't want her anymore and that it would be as if I never existed." I couldn't look into my brother's eyes.

_Oh you are a complete imbecile. _ "She's not going to let that go quickly." _What were you thinking?_ "You're really going to have to work to win her back now." _You really are clueless about women aren't you. I hope she's as forgiving as she used to be because I'm not spending the rest of eternity listening to you whine. I've done my time, this is no longer my fault._

"Point taken." I folded my arms. "You could just let me go to Italy this time."

_Speaking of which aren't you glad you haven't been dismembered and burnt to a crisp. I think that you owe all of us a thank you._

"Thank you Jasper."

_Just don't blow it this time. _"You have to tell her the truth"

I nodded again. Jasper and I finished out the game of pool and I made my way to find Alice. I had to face the music sometime for loosing control and now was as good a time as any. I found her under a large oak on a bench near the dining hall.

_You have some explaining to do mister._

"I'm sorry Alice." I took a seat next to her and glanced up at the translucent green foliage. It was surreal to be out in front of everyone during the day.

"You don't realize what I'm about to give up for you dear brother." _I'm going to let you save her._

I cocked my head to one side and she smiled at me.

_I was going to try to sit with her while she ate today but as it turns out you need this more than I do. She's going to come into the dining hall in about half an hour and trip spilling her whole tray on the floor. You can rescue her by providing her with a new lunch. No heroics though, we can't afford exposure and she's not actually going to fall._

"So, you're going to let me have lunch with her unchaperoned?" I hugged her. She deserved something for this. I'd have to be on the lookout for something that she wanted. An image of Alice in a new yellow Porsche flashed into my head from hers.

_I don't know if this is Porsche worthy or not but I'll certainly take one if you're buying. _ She smiled. "She's going to start off pretty hostile so don't let her get you angry. Remember, you left Bella, she gets to be angry – you don't." She showed me her vision:

Bella rolling her eyes and abusing a lunch tray by smacking it down roughly. Bella getting only a salad and putting a lot of things in it that I knew she didn't eat before. Had her tastes changed?

"Don't mess it up again." _Something is very wrong with her and you need to be cautious._

I nodded again. This time I would be a gentleman, Esme and Carlisle's son, not some deranged stalker. This time I would wait for her to kiss me; I would not kiss her again until she was ready, even if it felt like I was being torn apart. The hurt that she had experienced was already too great. I would fix everything that I had done wrong and I would beg her to come back to me and then, I would change her.

The lack of a vision from Alice of Bella as a vampire disturbed me. This was the second time that I had firmly made the decision and there was nothing. I had made the decision, why wasn't it coming? The frustration was maddening.

"Remember, just behave yourself." Alice patted my shoulder and got up to leave. "I'm going to meet her in her office when you're done." She practically danced off in her usual graceful fashion.

My thoughts turned to Bella. She was still beautiful but she also looked thin and tired. I wondered if she slept anymore. I loved to watch her sleep, she was so peaceful and a sort of grace exuded from her when she was still like that. Would I get to hold her while she slept again and if I did would she murmur my name like she had so many times before? Did she still dream about me? I remembered holding her in my arms this morning while I kissed her and although her muscular strength had certainly improved she felt much more frail. This was my fault; I had broken her. If I could have cried, I would have.

My phone buzzed in my pocket and I checked the caller ID. Someone had called Esme. I sighed and answered.

"Hello Esme." I breathed.

"Is it really true Edward? I spoke to Alice this morning and Carlisle just got off the phone with Emmett. Is it really her, is she back?" Her voice had gone up two octaves in her excitement.

"She really is here Esme, and she's beautiful and alive." I was withholding the amount of pain I saw in her. Esme didn't need to hear about that yet.

"Please bring her home tonight." She asked hesitantly.

"Esme, I don't know if she'll come." I leaned my head back again. "She's very angry with me."

"Emmett has already extended an invitation but she wouldn't accept. Please ask her Edward." Esme resorted to begging. I couldn't deny my mother.

"I'm going to try to have lunch with her but I don't know how responsive she'll be." I paused. "I'll try."

"Edward, bring her home. Please bring her home." Her voice broke and I felt it in my chest.

"I will ask but I don't know what she'll say." I promised intentionally fidgeting a bit as some humans walked by.

"We all need you to make this work so please be charming and do whatever you have to to convince her to come home." Esme sounded a little bit better.

"I will." I stood up from the bench. "I need to think first though and I'm down to a few minutes."

"I'll let you go then, good luck!" She hung up the phone and I let out an exasperated sigh. It was time to go into the dinning hall so that Bella wouldn't find me outside and run.


	4. Chapter 3 More Failure

**A/n Thanks for the reviews everyone! This one is a companion to Ch. 3: Lunch**

**You're going to find that my play list is a bit repetitive for the time being just enjoy that I have one.**

**Playlist:**

**Cheri MacGill – Worth the Wait**

**Jack Johnson – Sitting, Waiting, Wishing**

**Jennifer Nettles Band – Story of Your Bones**

**Soul Miners Daughter – The River Song**

* * *

I positioned myself in the serving area of the dining hall with thirty seconds to spare. With a moment of free time I reached out to locate my brothers and sisters. Emmett wasn't far away. He ran through his mind his encounter with Bella. She had run smack into him, a cunning plan of his to get a little laugh at her expense. I disapproved but had to admit that the look on her face was priceless. He focused on her clumsiness and the fact that she had changed physically. He saw that her muscles were more defined and her clothes no longer fit properly, they hung off of her. The childlike quality that her face held before was now gone. She appeared almost haunted like an abandoned house. He noted her sadness and lamented that she wouldn't entertain going to see Carlisle and Esme. Emmett rightfully blamed me.

I checked my watch.

Only seconds remained until my angel, my angry frustrated angel, would emerge from the door on the other side of the serving area. I had a mission to accomplish and my heart, my very core, lay in the balance. I needed her. She was the only thing in the universe that held any meaning for me. I loved her from my soul, damned or not the poor sad thing loved her and the rest of me agreed with it. Patience was a virtue that I would need to cultivate if I wanted her back in my arms. I tortured myself with memories of kissing her and the burn in my throat flared; she would press herself closer than was strictly safe and sigh exposing her graceful, smooth neck. I could feel her heartbeat. Bella. I would not live without my Bella.

Suddenly the burn was very real. Fire shot down my throat and I turned to the door. I pulled the fire deeply into my lungs. There stood my beautiful Bella. Her jeans hung loosely on her hips and the white collared shirt she wore shimmered slightly under the fluorescent lights. She glanced at me first with shock and then apprehension. I was in motion without thought as she looked to the door like she intended to escape my company. That one act I could not allow. I had to talk to her. I was a man on a mission. She turned to the line and grabbed a tray. I copied her movement and she let out a mirthless laugh.

"What's so funny?" I leaned into her not only to get what little privacy could be afforded in a cafeteria line but also to draw in her sweet painful scent. Just being near her was intoxicating, an involuntary grin spread over my face. I desperately wished to hear her thoughts.

"Well, unless you know something I don't I'm pretty sure that they don't serve fresh mountain lion here. It scares the freshmen." Her face contorted in a condescending smile, "of course you are a freshman so…"

So, we were back to this argument. She and I both knew that this wasn't the case, it was ridiculous. Was this how she intended to take out her pain on me? I would suffer through it, she was worth anything. I did have to circumvent this topic though.

"I heard that you ran into Emmett." I couldn't help but chuckle seeing her run into him and rebound slightly. Her body suddenly went rigid and her body language conveyed her frosty thoughts. In my desire to lighten the mood I had pushed her too far. Angry Bella was back. Angry Bella was sexy and somewhat amusing to me as a vampire with full knowledge that she couldn't physically harm me but I was on a mission. I needed her to say 'yes' to me today and that likelihood diminished as her anger flared.

"It's not polite to laugh at people," her hostility waned ever so slightly, "but yes, I did talk to your brother." She moved her tray to the salad bar. "Don't worry Edward I'm not going to start hanging out at your house all the time if that's what you're concerned about you can put it out of your pretty little head" her voice oozed condescension, "and focus on your reading for class because you'd better bet that being an attractive vampire that all the other women on campus are drooling over isn't going to get you anywhere in my class. I know what happens to nice girls who hang out with vampires." I had been wrong about the waning hostility. She was more hostile than ever and if looks could kill I would never have to worry about going to Italy if this didn't work out in my favor.

I stopped to consider my position. Bella, or the angry version of Bella, was a minefield that I had to navigate carefully. I stood still assessing her for a moment. She was in the middle of dropping a scoop full of raw broccoli on her salad when her face changed like she had come to a realization. I had to know what she was thinking, minefield or not I had to know. So, carefully and calmly I slid my tray back next to hers and put together a salad of things that I had remembered seeing her eat years ago. I was confident that she wasn't paying attention to her plate as she had made a face at raw broccoli in the past. She only ate it cooked. I needed to gain at least a small bit of absolution so I decided to apologize for laughing at her clumsy encounter with Emmett. I had to obtain her good will before I had a prayer of getting her to say 'yes'.

"I'm-" I didn't even get to form the first word fully before she rounded on me. Her face was hard and furious.

"Do you know what I want to know?" She managed to continue avoiding direct eye contact. I heard the thoughts of several students behind us stopping to watch what they felt would be a train wreck. That was something I had to prevent.

"I would love to find out what you want to know." I kept my voice smooth. I honestly wanted to know anything that she would tell me from that beautiful mind of hers.

"How much?" She rather pointlessly threatened me with a fragile finger in my chest.

"I genuinely would like to know." Was this a game? Did I have to beg to find out what she would freely have told me before? I had thought it impossible but this made her even angrier. She stopped moving and the line behind us protested.

"No, how much did you pay to get me in here?" She faced me full on and her eyes bore into me. I couldn't wrap my mind around what she had to be thinking in order to get to that conclusion. As it turned out her thinking was still slightly warped and unpredictable. Where on Earth had this come from?

"Please don't make a scene." I absolutely had to stop her from confronting me about this in line. She obviously had turned off any capacity for rational thought and this discussion left my family and myself open to exposure and potential interference from the Volturi. That was the last thing that I needed.

_In 3,2,1_ I heard Alice from far away. Bella's eyes held the ghost of a few unshed angry tears. She spun away from me and collided with the most vile creature on campus, Paul the Pervert. The salad flew onto the floor and her balance wavered.

Paul relished the closeness of her body. He inhaled her scent and his thoughts went places that I had to block to prevent myself from snapping his neck instantly. What little I caught before blocking him out consisted of him biting her neck, his nose buried in a curtain of her strawberry scented hair while she tried to push him off of her. He was the worst kind of predator; he liked that she didn't want him. He used her temporary unsteadiness as an excuse to grab her rear end. I growled at this contact.

Her heart rate increased and grew louder in that instant. I could smell the adrenaline hit her system as her fight or flight response kicked in. She found him revolting. She shoved the tray into his chest, harder than I thought she was capable of. Perhaps she had grown less frail instead of more so over the years.

"Paul, don't grab my butt again or I'll rip your hand off." She growled in a low threatening voice at him. I felt secure that the three of us were the only ones who could hear it. She was going to make a wonderful vampire. Then, she really shocked me by raising her voice to a normal level and apologized for running into him in a sweet tone for the benefit of the rest of the room. "Are you okay? I'm so sorry."

I loved her even more. She seemed already prepared to be a Cullen.

She extracted herself from the vile creature and stomped toward the register to leave without food. I acted quickly to dress the salad that I held and fell into pace with her as only a vampire could. I offered the tray and she realized my purpose in being there. She struggled with her prideful nature and stared at me for a few seconds before accepting it.

"Thank you." It sounded almost painful for her to say these words to me. She slipped into the register line and started to pull out her wallet, her shirt lifted but it was on the wrong side for me to get a glimpse of the damaged skin that I knew lurked on the other. I stopped her.

_What has happened to you my beautiful angel? - Keep it light, you have to win her over,_ I thought. It was time to take charge of this situation.

"You're Welcome." I grinned at her, she was going to be nice and perhaps my mission wouldn't be impossible. I had paid for her lunch and she would most definitely sit with me. "See, this works much better when we're civil to one another." Those last words were a mistake. I had no room to make mistakes with her anymore but four years ago this would have elicited a laugh; she bristled instead of laughing. Alice was right, I was dealing with a different woman now. She was no longer the blushing, shy girl of eighteen who lacked confidence. Bella was a woman and as such had to be dealt with differently. Could I still dazzle her?

I led her to the corner farthest away from anyone else in the room for some privacy. She wasn't going to let go of whatever preposterous conclusion she had come up with back at the salad bar and I needed space between us and everyone else to ensure that I'd be able to explain myself. Did she really think that I'd paid someone to get her in here?

I took a seat and placed my copy of this week's novel on the table. She eyed it and gave me a furtive glance as we sat down.

"Lunch or no lunch I'm not letting this go." I had successfully predicted one of her reactions, at least.

"I honestly don't know what you're talking about." I lied, I had figured it out but I wanted to hear her logic and didn't feel that she would listen to me anyway.

"Is this your idea of a joke? Did you run out of distractions and then bribe someone to give me a free ride for graduate school at a University I never even considered attending?" She thought the argument she was presenting sounded ridiculous as she said it but we both knew that if Alice could see her that it was a possibility. I didn't know if I should tell her about her disappearance from Alice's visions yet.

"No one is ever going to believe that." I recycled what I had said to her after saving her in Forks. Perhaps she would realize that this meant that her logic wasn't so flawed. But her next words hurt, I made yet another mistake in bringing up the van. For a long time after I rescued her she thought that I regretted it.

"Kind of like keeping a van from crushing someone? I don't care if anyone else believes it, I care if you did it." I tried to recall a time when she had been so cold to me. Did she think that I regretted that act again?

"I think that you should talk to Alice about this." I forced eye contact by repositioning myself so that she had to look at my eyes while I told her this. It was the truth and she needed to understand it. "We didn't know that you were here until you cut me off his morning."

"I thought the car looked a bit too familiar. You expect me to believe that Alice didn't see this coming." She grabbed a fork and started toying with the salad, not really eating. Bella didn't believe me.

_Please eat_, I couldn't help but think.

I decided to approach the topic of her injuries. This was the easiest road to them. "Until this morning, we thought that you were dead. Alice hasn't been able to 'see' you for over three years, Bella. We went looking for you that summer but couldn't find you or where you'd gone. There was also evidence..." Gruesome bloody rank evidence that haunted my every waking moment.

"I was in hiding that summer. I can't talk about that here." She knew what I was referencing and found it painful to discuss. I regretted the necessity of bringing it up. Her posture changed and she seemed to shut down a bit, her arms folded over her stomach as if she needed protection.

I jumped at the chance, this was a perfectly good excuse to get her to come over and talk to the whole family. This was something that she needed to work through and maybe just maybe she would say yes.

"Then what about tonight? Esme really wants to see you. Alice called her after class and then Emmett called Carlisle, they wanted me to ask since… Would you please come over?"

"Maybe" She bit her lip.

"That's not a yes." I let my voice show the disappointment I felt.

"I don't tend to say yes to people who don't exist, or freshmen who kiss me without permission." Her voice was almost irresistibly flirtatious and she cocked her head to one side as if looking for a reaction from me.

"Do freshmen often kiss you?" I leaned into her and tried my hand at dazzling her. Perhaps she did still harbor something other than bad feelings for me.

"Only the ones who want to fail." This was getting old, she smiled like she had some actual authority over me and it rankled.

"You know I'm not a freshman in the traditional sense. If this is about rank I can produce a doctorate or two to prove it to you." I could produce an MD if that would help. She had to let this go, I was older than her and had finished school several times over and she was well aware of that fact. Having her of all people treat me like a child was painful.

"Your cover is that you're a freshman, which makes you a freshman to everyone else." She indicated the rest of the cafeteria and I fought to keep my composure.

"Since when do you care what people think?" I knew that this would indicate weakness to her but I needed to break down that wall and get her to let me inside again. I needed her and hoped that she needed me. This was once again not a particularly good plan on my part as she raised an eyebrow and turned on me.

"Since I could loose my assistanceship for fraternizing with a student, particularly one whose grade I'm in charge of. That's not all though, I am angry with you and for very good reason. What makes you think that you can break my heart and then come back four years later and expect to pick right backup where you left off. No way, _I – am - a different person now_ and I don't need you the way I did before you cocky, self absorbed, overprotective, controlling, pain in the -."

"Hey Bella!" She was cut off by an overly friendly coworker, Candace, who stared at me. In an act of self preservation I shielded myself from her thoughts. I knew that look.

I focused on Bella and failed to give this woman a second glance. There had to be a way out of this situation. I had been a great fool to try and handle her the way that worked when she was younger. I knew that she was different, it was painfully and obviously written all over her body. Perhaps going to Italy now would be less painful than dealing with Alice after my utter failure.

"Where were we?" She looked at the ceiling for a brief moment giving me a better glimpse of her neck. I could see the pulse of blood gently flowing underneath the thin skin of her neck. I wanted to kiss that neck.

"You were calling me names," _and I will willing submit to hearing more of them. _ "Would you like to continue?"

"I think you get the point." She toyed with her practically untouched meal again.

A ruckus back in the serving area caught her attention and it happened. She turned to look over her shoulder and lifted herself slightly out of her seat; as she did this her shirt lifted a few inches and I could see it. A vertical line ran along the exposed skin and continued both up into her shirt and down. It was faint enough to not be noticed by the human eye but I recognized it as a track from a vampire's claw. I felt the strangest urge to dry heave at the thought of a vampire clawing into this wonderful woman that way. It was my fault and I knew it. I never should have left her, never. I wanted to apologize profusely and beg for her forgiveness. She turned back to me just as I considered forming those words.

"What's wrong?" She was concerned about me. She turned again to check the damage at the juice bar and noticed my eyes on her side as she rotated back to me.

"What happened to you?" I had difficulty forming the words, that cut had been deep, more than deep enough to account for the damage in her room, and I didn't know what she had been through.

"You left me unprotected." She whispered it was painful for her to think about it too. "I can't talk about it. I try not to think about it at all but it's the price I paid for hanging out with vampires who didn't love me enough to stay last time." My Bella waltzed away from me in a manner that was almost graceful. I _did_ love her; I _still_ loved her with everything I had. I wanted to chase after her but fear of causing her more pain kept me firmly planted in my seat. I could do nothing for her. This was the second time today that I had made things worse. There was one small thing that I could do though, she hadn't eaten. I pulled out my cell phone and dialed Alice.

"Yes Edward?" she sounded disappointed and therefore must have seen what happened.

"I've fouled things up again." I sighed, "She didn't say yes and she didn't eat a bit of her lunch. Could you-?"

"I'll go get her a granola bar on my way." Alice cut me off. "Don't worry, she said maybe but she'll come this evening." Her voice was still troubled.

"Alice, are you hiding something?" I looked down at my hands.

"Yes, but it's hers to tell. Bella will tell us when she's ready." I detected the slightest sob tinging her voice.

"Alice..."

"No, Edward. I can't tell you because Bella will be furious if I do. This is something very private to her and it's bad, really bad. I fear that the blame falls on all of us. You need to be prepared." I could hear her plunking coins into a vending machine.

"Fine, I won't pry. I don't think that she's going to tell me on her own though." I rubbed my scalp with the palm of one hand. "I don't think that she wants me anymore Alice." My heart now resided in the depths of despair. She had given me no real encouragement.

"Talk to Jasper." Her reply was curt and then she hung up the phone.

I found Jasper's mind but he was in class sitting through another boring lecture. It amazed me that he actually paid attention. In truth, he was likely the most studious among us. He was also the most like Bella. They were both brave and self sacrificing to a fault, neither liked to show weakness, and both of them failed to see themselves clearly. In addition they didn't like attention if it could be avoided. I abandoned the idea of running to class and pulling him out for a 'family emergency'; he was frustrated with me and I would have to wait to speak with him.

Instead, I ran to the car and went home to speak with Carlisle. Perhaps one he could give me some advice on winning back my Bella. The thought of her name did things to my chest and if I had a heartbeat it would go faster at just the mention of her. I closed my door and sped off toward home.

Esme greeted me at the door with a few boxes of CD's.

_I thought that you might want these back._ She smiled and handed me the boxes. I returned the smile taking them from her but my face could not hold the same enthusiasm exhibited by my mother. Bella was here but I was failing miserably at winning her heart again. _Carlisle is upstairs._ She sensed my anguish. _Oh and I bought a new piano! You have no excuse to continue moping now. You're going to play again. _I couldn't help but give my mother another smile. She was so hopeful and had so much faith in me, whether or not it was deserved.

I made my way up to Carlisle's study and hesitated at the door. How was I going to tell him that I was floundering and unable to speak to Bella without inciting her wrath? I had to admit to being wrong even though I had been so sure that my absence would lead to a normal life for her.

_Come in son, I can hear you out there. _ Carlisle's thoughts were as clear as if he had called through the door. I opened the door and plopped down in a chair across from the desk.

"It's going rather badly." I admitted.

_Ah, son how can I help you? I've let you make your own mistakes and where has that led us? I should have made you stay before._ "She's angry with you, I take it?" He looked up from the medical journal he was reading.

I nodded. "I don't think that she's interested in letting me make things right either."

"You might not be able to put things right. But the anger may very well be a good sign. If she's still hurting over you then there may still be some tender feelings there." He pointed out. "She was angry with you before." He remembered the van and her reaction to my lack of forthrightness with her then. "She's a very forgiving person Edward. You just need to give her a chance; it's only been a few hours since you waltzed back into her life. A struggle is to be expected."

I groaned. The past four years had been nothing but a struggle. The first year I struggled to keep myself from running back to her, the past three I struggled with my siblings because I wanted to end my miserable existence. How much more could I take?

_This is your own doing Edward. _ "Give her time. She has to be just as shocked to see us as we are to see her." Carlisle reminded me.

Time, I had time but when it came to Bella I lacked patience.

_This is meant to be Edward._

I nodded and made my way to my room to set the boxes of CD's inside. I opened them up but had no intention of placing them on the nearly empty shelves. Esme had built them hoping that I would return to being myself. My new room consisted of only things that reminded me of Bella. Books and music that she loved, colors that reminded me of her... Blue walls for my favorite color on her and brown everywhere else. I loved brown, brown was warm like her. I picked up one of her books and clutched it to my chest breathing in the memory of her scent, it seemed like nothing compared to being so close to her earlier that day. The book was the best I could get so clutched it and wept tearlessly at my mistakes until it was time to return to campus.

I had to have the car back so that we could drive Bella home with us. I loved the thought of having her here even if I couldn't kiss her, even if I wasn't permitted to touch her, even if she refused to speak to me. Having her here would mean everything. She was light and sound and air and I had lived without her for far too long; even a glimpse of her would be enough to keep me going for a few more days.


	5. Chapter 4 I Might Let You Drive

**A/n So, we're moving along with this POV and I may be able to return to The TA soon, we'll see.**

**Music:**

**Sugarland – Time Time Time**

**Rich Bischoff – I'll let you drive**

**Sugarland – Stand Back Up**

**Jennifer Nettles Band – Story of Your Bones (it's like the theme song for this section and seems to weave it's way in as an undercurrent to these chapters where they're uncertain about the relationship)**

* * *

"How is she?" I practically accosted Alice as she walked up. Instead of answering she filled her mind of images from their shopping trip but refused to show me what she looked like when she left Bella only moments before. The images were good though. She smiled and talked to Alice about normal things. I could hear her laugh through Alice's mind and it elevated my mood. Bella was alright. Alice smiled wryly at me.

"See, no permanent damage done." She smiled. "I think she even had fun." _Have you talked to Jasper yet?_

I looked one direction and then the other.

_Do it, he can help you. _ She showed me Bella smiling slightly when asked about me.

"Jasper?" I turned to him.

_You need my help? _

I nodded.

"I presume that you want to know where the lady's feelings lie?" He grinned at me.

I smiled back at him a bit embarrassed to ask for help. "I don't want you to do any manipulation though. Would you just tell me if I have a chance?"

"Oh, I think I can handle that." His smile widened as he remembered Bella's typically intense emotional reactions to almost everything. _She feels very passionately about everything and her emotions are generally very clear. The only problem lies in the interpretation of what they're about. Her reactions are seldom about what we attribute them to being because she thinks differently than most humans._ "I need you to touch her though to be sure."

We loaded into the car with Alice, Emmett and Rosalie in back and Jasper riding shotgun. There weren't enough seats for Bella too. Someone would have to run through the woods or ride her motorcycle. She was going to ride in the car though.

"How am I going to touch her?" I looked to Alice.

_Start considering options brother._

I asked her to take a walk. - rejection

I just reached out to touch her hand – she shrank away

I asked for a ride on the bike - rejection

_Wait, try for the bike a different way._

I was not going to let her drive that thing. If I had to I would start an argument in the parking - Bella asking me to get on behind her.

_That's it! You get to pick a fight - but you have to let her win. _

I groaned.

_It's the only way you're going to get to touch her Edward._

"Fine." I mumbled pulling in to the parking lot. There she was standing next to her bike in clothes that flattered her body. The blue shirt perfectly complimented her skin, her hair was clipped back at the nape of her neck but it had obviously been styled before she had clipped it, she looked like she had stepped out of a magazine. I would have to thank Alice later. She was stunning.

_You're welcome_. She smirked. _I'm earning that Porsche._

"Yes you are..." I smiled at her in the rear view mirror. Emmett rolled his eyes a the silent conversation. He hated these and always found them to be rude. This was something that I usually did with Alice and Jasper but he did benefit from it every once in a while.

"Are you going to let her ride?" _Prude._ Emmett piped up from the back seat.

"I have no intention of letting her ride off on that death trap." I gritted my teeth. "She's small we can squeeze her in back, right?" I half joked with Alice who glared at me. I pulled the car up next to her and rolled down my window.

"Get in." I ordered. If I had to pick a fight I might as well start strong.

"I'll follow you. There's not enough room and I'm not leaving my bike on campus." She didn't know that Jasper was perfectly capable of riding that thing. I shook my head slightly and she considered her options. "Do you know what could happen to me when I come back to get it tonight? College campuses at night are not safe places to be, especially in these heels. " I suppressed a grin at her use of my protective nature.

"Then let Jasper drive it." I put on my best angry face.

"Um, thanks but no. I'm pretty sure I can keep up if that's what you're worried about. It's faster than it looks." Emmett and Jasper had the nerve to cheer her on! The thought of her trying to keep up with me on that thing had me out of the car and truly upset in seconds. There was no way that she was going to drive that thing at that speed whether or not it could do it.

_Oh come on Edward! Let the girl have some fun!_ Emmett protested.

_You need to get close to her Edward, don't tick her off too much. _ Jasper laughed.

"You'd better get back in that car. Didn't Alice warn you about me and the bike? I'm a little attached to it." She was trying very hard to hold her ground and not step back away from me.

"It's not safe, you could be killed" I attempted to argue with her but she didn't hear beyond the first part of my sentence before putting her helmet on, preventing her from hearing me clearly.

She flipped her visor up before addressing me. "I haven't come close to having an accident in over three years. Last I checked, I was a grown up and capable of making my own decisions."

_You have to let her win Edward! Do not back her down any further or she'll leave without you._

The problem was that I didn't want her to win. I wanted her to be safe and safe didn't involve a motorcycle flying down the road with precious little to protect her other than a thin layer of leather and a helmet. I pinched the bridge of my nose between my thumb and forefinger. I heard a slight chuckle from Bella.

_She's getting anxious._ Jasper informed me.

_Here it goes, don't mess it up. _

"Do you want to ride with me?" She lifted an eyebrow in a flirtatious fashion. "It's a lot of fun." She suddenly looked like she regretted asking.

_Wow! Edward, get on that bike, whether she says so or not she wants you there and she wants you there yesterday! _Jasper's inner monologue was shocked. _There's more lust coming off of her than Emmett after three days without Rose._

I moved to get on the bike and Bella beat me to the front of it. I would be forced to ride behind her. I swung my leg over and slid as close to her as I could. Her heart flew for a second and I could feel Jasper's head reel from the excess emotion rolling off of her. I wrapped my arms around her waist.

_Edward, you have more than a chance. She still loves you in the worst way._

"Are you alright?" I murmured into her shoulder seductively. This new revelation made me more confident. She did love me.

_And now she's embarrassed. She's rather perceptive isn't she? _ There was a smile to his voice. _I'm pretty sure she knows that you and I both know about her feelings. The jury is out as to how she'll react. If you haven't told her that the feeling is mutual, now might be a good time._

"I'm perfect." She snapped her visor down before I could say anything and kick started the bike. The engine revved and Bella turned the bike on a dime before Rosalie could get away.

Rose took off at her usual speed attempting to call Bella's bluff. This was not a wise idea on her part as it was likely to incur my wrath. However, Bella kept up seemingly effortlessly. She hadn't bothered to tuck her hair fully into the helmet and wisps blew into my face. I breathed in the scent of her shampoo and continued to hold her as closely as I safely could. The burn in my throat was welcome as we whipped around curves. The motorcycle responded to her body like a lover, they were in perfect sync and I didn't have to have Jasper in front of me to feel her joy. She loved this. Rose continued to speed up and I felt a slight chuckle build in Bella's chest, she would not be easily deterred. She was determined to prove her ability to me. I liked this new Bella.

The gravel drive appeared and Rose tried to confuse Bella by executing the turn at break-neck speed. It didn't work. We turned gracefully even on the gravel and shot into the garage just after my siblings. I didn't release my grip on her completely after the motorcycle stopped but instead slid my hands down to her hips.

_She's a bit sad now but the love is still rolling off of her. Stay here and talk to her; we'll hold off Esme for a few minutes._

Bella moved to follow my siblings and I stopped her. We were still sitting very close, my chest pressed into the curve of her back. She removed her helmet and reclined her head slightly to listen to me, correctly anticipating that I had something to say. The sexually frustrated monster within me roared to be heard. I beat him back with my decision to let her initiate our next contact. I could not, would not kiss her. The next time our lips met would be on Bella's terms.

"That was amazing, thank you." I whispered into her exposed ear. The responding shiver and skip of her heartbeat was almost too much for me. I fought not to caress her neck or kiss it. I could not give in to my desires now, I had something to say and she wouldn't take me seriously if it was said with our bodies pressed together on the garage floor. I had to move! I vacated my seat on the bike quickly but gently and put some distance between the two of us.

I watched her unclip her hair and fluff it before removing the jacket in a slow, mind-numbingly attractive manner. I wanted to close the distance I had put between us. I wanted her. I wanted to make her see and convince her to never leave again but I also never wanted to hurt her again. I had something that I needed to tell her.

"Can I say something before the sarcasm and the insults start again?" I smiled at her back as she took more time than strictly necessary to arrange her things on the saddle.

"I make no promises about the sarcasm, it's kind of ingrained at this point but I'll try not to insult you further." She glanced at me. I had shoved my hands in my pockets in a move inspired by my uncertainty. I was about to confess to the worst sin imaginable, I had lied to her and she needed to know.

"I need you to understand that this is as hard for me as it is for you." I hesitated, did I actually have to say that I lied? I fought the emotions raging through me and continued. "I never stopped loving you Bella. When I thought you died Carlisle and Esme refused to allow me to be alone. For three years I've had one of my siblings or another right next to me to keep me from going to Italy every second of every day. I haven't been living, but today – when I saw you – when you took off your helmet – it was like my heart started again. I know that I have a lot to make up for, I know that something terrible has happened to you and that it's my fault but I'd like a chance if you'll let me have one." I begged her for a second chance.

She still wasn't turning to face me. I needed to see her eyes, to know what she was feeling. She was looking down at the saddle of her bike absently running a finger along the leather watching the dent that her soft finger placed in it.

_Don't panic, she's just confused!_ Jasper's mind shouted at me from behind the door.

"I still don't understand, you said you didn't want me." Her voice was filled with grief, she didn't believe me. Her shoulders hunched just a bit further. She had listened to at least one thing I had said in the forest. Why had it been the lie? Why didn't she listen when I asked her to take care of herself?

"I -." I could avoid this no longer, she had to know about the lie. "I have regretted that day every second of my life since. I never expected you to actually believe me. I lied so that you would move on. The day you disappeared..." I sobbed and found her in front of me faster than I thought a human could move. Her delicate arms wrapped around my waist and she pulled me close to her. Why was she comforting me? She should be angry, I had wasted four years that I could have had with her. I had subjected both of us to four years of needless pain and suffering for nothing! Had I been there I could have saved her from whatever this was that happened, she would be safe and whole and uninjured, perhaps even immortal. How could she comfort me?

I continued to sob as I let my grief over my part in her anguish pull me to the ground. I did not deserve her. She cradled my head and caressed my face like a mother soothing a small child. She was gentle with me like I was the fragile one. When my breathing slowed and I calmed down she pulled my face up to look directly into hers. Her eyes studied mine with a familiar intensity before she pulled me into a tight hug. I could feel her pain like it was my own and it made mine even worse.

"no, that's good..." a heard a soft voice from behind the door. We had an audience but there was never any privacy in our family and this did effect all of them.

"I fear that my side of the story is only going to hurt you more. Do you think that you can handle it? Because, it might have been better for you if I had died than to know what actually happened that spring and summer. I can't tell you if you can't forgive yourself." She continued to hold onto me like a life raft out at sea as her eyes ran over with tears.

"I don't think that anything could be worse than what we smelled in your room that day." I sighed, the truth could not be worse than my imagination.

"It might very well be worse than what you've imagined. The story is kind of terrifying but I can't even consider taking you back unless you know what happened, it's part of who I am now. I can't tell it more than once, I think it would break me apart, so when you're ready I'll tell everyone together." Her hands made small circles on my back and I pulled in a slow draw of her scent. Freesia and strawberries burned down my throat and I loved every second of it.

"Are you ready to go in?" She sounded pensive. I nodded against her shoulder and pulled the two of us to our feet. I wrapped my hand around hers, she was so warm and delicate.

As soon as we were in the door she was torn away from me. Jasper smiled at my jealous heartbroken reaction to loosing contact with her. It was silly, she was with my family and wouldn't be going anywhere but the loss of contact was unbearable. Esme and Carlisle fussed and fretted over her before Jasper gave her a quick hug. She was then rushed off to the kitchen. I didn't follow because Alice, Jasper and Emmett blocked my way and steered me into the living room.

"How did it go?" Emmett looked to Jasper instead of me which made the hackles on the back of my neck rise.

"It still seems a bit shaky emotionally. She's really unsure about this Edward." He smiled apologetically. "You need to take it slow and be very careful with her. She loves you but she's scared and could cut and run at any second."

I nodded.

"Absolutely no yelling tonight Edward – no matter what she says." Alice's eyes darkened as she focused on her exact words rather than why she was saying them or even the meaning behind them.

"You're still hiding her news from me." I accused her.

"She doesn't think you're strong enough and she might edit what she's going to say even further. I can't risk you knowing something that I shouldn't." Alice remained calm explaining. There was a flash of someone tall and broad with dark skin in her mind whom she quickly pushed aside. I attempted not to pry.

"Well, we've waited for long enough and I for one expect an explanation." Rosalie sauntered into the room and settled herself down snuggling into Emmett's side. I had to bite back the urge to attack her for her callousness. Bella was upset enough and I didn't want her to get frightened and leave.

"Patience Rosalie." Alice warned sensing my struggle to keep from launching myself at her. Rosalie huffed. I tuned in to the activity in the kitchen. Esme and Carlisle were beaming at Bella. She had just explained that she was a graduate student. They really did think of her as a daughter. They loved her like one of us another pang of guilt rocked through me for putting everyone through the torture they had endured at my expense for the past four years. Jasper eyed me speculatively.

_You alright over there?_

I nodded.

Esme continued to coax food into Bella even though she insisted that she was full. I didn't blame Esme, I didn't believe Bella either. She wasn't taking care of herself at all. Esme noted and cataloged the changes in her daughter, that word was actually plucked straight from her mind. Bella was a daughter. She had noticed the very slight limp as well. We were all eager for an explanation of that and the scar on her side that my parents had yet to discover. Carlisle had thought something looked and smelled off about Bella when she entered the door. His medical expertise told him that something had changed about her but he couldn't put a finger on it.

Dinner was finally over.

Bella followed our parents into the room and glanced around, what she found seemed to shock her. Then, she looked around for something and I knew what it was, the piano. I had refused to take it with us when we moved it had too many memories of her, as did playing in general. The confusion she felt over the piano soon morphed into indecision as to where to sit. I no longer sat in what had become our usual place. Instead, I sat next to Jasper. Not knowing where to go Bella sat down in the floor. Jasper immediately sensed her physical discomfort and tensed just as I did. We were the only two who knew the amount of pain she was in sitting on the floor as she looked comfortable. The pain was nothing new to her. She fidgeted with the heel of her boot for a moment before looking up.

"Are you going to tell us exactly how it is that you're alive after the bloodbath we smelled in your bedroom?" Rosalie looked at Bella like she was a pest to be disposed of rather than a member of the family. I suppressed a growl just as Bella laughed awkwardly.

"Wow, Rosalie, I've missed you too. I'm so glad to hear that you've been doing well." Bella grinned and everyone but Rose laughed. She had grown bolder and I had known that but to watch her stand up to Rose was still a shock.

"I think we have a right to know. We've been _grieving_ Bella. My _brother_ has been grieving for three years. Edward would have come back for you long ago and we wouldn't have had to chaperone him constantly if we hadn't thought you were dead, and I for one would like to know what happened." Rose was clearly annoyed at being made the butt of the joke. Bella's face had slipped slightly from her grin at the mention of us grieving. That wasn't something she wanted but she wasn't about to let Rosalie rule this conversation.

"Listen, I'm not going to tell anyone the story unless Edward is ready to hear it. There's just too much risk of him finding out if I tell the rest of you. So, I'm waiting for him to give the word before I do. Is that okay with you Rose or am I not allowed to protect him from more heartache?" Bella fought hard to keep her voice even and composed but lost it. Rose's mouth dropped open and just as she was about to let out a retort Esme put her foot down.

"Rose, if you can't be polite, you're going to have to leave. I agree with Bella that it's best to wait until Edward is ready if things are potentially worse than we had assumed."

Bella's eyes dropped to the scar on her hand and then shot to her knee.

_She really shouldn't be on the ground. _Jasper had felt an increase in the pain and indicated for Bella to move to the other side of the large couch that we were seated on. She rose carefully, as if she would fall or somehow reveal the pain that was now shooting up her leg, and made her way to the indicated seat. _It's like it's hurt for so long that she doesn't even consider the pain anymore. _ Jasper pondered.

My eyes met hers and I didn't know whether or not I could bear to hear what had happened to her. Knowing that she was in constant pain was almost too much on it's own.

"Edward, if you're not ready, then we don't have to do this tonight." She gave me a reassuring smile, as if it were to me that something terrible had happened, as if she had been at fault.


	6. Chapter 5 Bella's Tale

**A/n This appears to be my longest chapter yet. I could have broken it up but the chapter #'s are already off and driving me batty. Some of this is rather repetitive if you've read The TA, bear in mind that I'm locked into the dialog AND that some people are not reading both stories; so, I have to give Bella's full account in this chapter.**

**Music:**

**Requiem for a Dream**

**Evanescence - Haunted**

**Bon Jovi – Everybody's Broken**

**Coldplay – Swallowed in the Sea**

* * *

_My eyes met hers and I didn't know whether or not I could bear to hear what had happened to her. Knowing that she was in constant pain was almost too much on it's own._

"_Edward, if you're not ready, then we don't have to do this tonight." She gave me a reassuring smile, as if it were to me that something terrible had happened, as if she had been at fault._

"No, I think that I can handle it if you're ready to tell the story." I had decided at that moment, I would bear this burden with her and she wouldn't know how much it hurt me. For once my words echoed my thoughts almost exactly. "This isn't something that you should have to bear alone."

"Okay, but if it gets to be too much please tell me. I'm used to bearing this burden by myself." She sighed and closed her eyes tightly steeling herself to tell the story.

_Are you sure you're ready?_ Alice glanced at me.

_She is very worried and it seems to be focused solely on you brother. Watch your reactions._ Jasper had turned to face me now as well. I nodded and Bella began her story. I was the recipient of everyone's reactions as well as Jasper's play by play of Bella's emotional state. I'm unsure as to whether that made her story easier to listen to or harder.

"For the first few months after you left everything was quiet. I'm not going to lie and say that things were okay. They weren't. I was a zombie. I stopped interacting with people entirely. Charlie would find me in different places around the house crying. It was like a part of me died when you moved, and when Edward - said what he did. I-I couldn't function.

_I told you that would happen._ Alice folded her arms smugly.

_We never should have left._ Carlisle tried to keep his mental voice quiet but the thought was still there. He repeated it several times before Bella was finished.

"Ultimately, Charlie threatened to send me to Jacksonville but I couldn't bear the idea of leaving Forks because then you all really would feel like a dream instead of real people whom I knew and loved. I started hanging out with Jacob Black and doing some pretty risky things just to feel alive.

_Jacob Black?_ Carlisle remembered an Ephraim Black but pushed the memory to the side. I remembered Ephraim as well.

_I don't know if you heard it in her tone but whoever Jacob Black is, he makes her feel guilty._

"I would constantly hear Edward's voice in my head telling me not to but I started doing things just _to_ hear him.

_Seriously... You're not that big of a deal Edward, I don't get what her obsession is._ Rosalie was still huffing over Bella standing up to her but secretly it made her respect her just a little bit.

"I was in truth, doing them to spite him because he made me promise to take care of myself and after a few months I got a bit angry. Anyway, it was around then that I first heard of sitings of a 'giant black bear'. Shortly after that hikers were found mauled on the trails. People were afraid to go into the woods. We all thought that the bear was the culprit. But then, Jacob Black got sick and refused to see me. I decided to start hiking on my own and I ran into Laurent in Edward's meadow.

Esme gasped drawing Bella out of her story to look at her.

_Laurent!!!_ Six minds shouted at once. I could barely keep my composure.

_That Bastard...._

_I knew he didn't really leave Irina..._

_How is she alive?_

_This must be at least one of the injuries._

"Laurent hadn't taken to being a 'vegetarian' and passed on to me that he was trying to to find me for _Victoria_."

_I can't say that surprises me._ Emmett focused on Bella.

_Fear, should I calm her down? _ Jasper's face was panicked. I looked left then right to signal 'no', unfortunately this pain was necessary. It was blatantly obvious that she wasn't dealing with it on her own and needed to heal and the only way out was going to be through the pain.

"There's more. She was looking to avenge James as she gathered that I – that I was-was Edward's mate."

_That hurt. Please let me help her._

"Laurent was going to 'take pity on me' and feed on me then so that I wouldn't fall into her hands but then something happened, a pack of giant wolves attacked him and I was able to run away."

Ephraim Black's grandson was a werewolf.

_Edward, you know the significance of that? _Carlisle shifted in his seat.

My mouth hung open involuntarily.

"I figured out, with a little help, that one of those wolves was Jacob Black. He and the pack started to protect me."

_There it is again, she can't say his name without this bone crushing guilt. What did she do to that boy?_

"You put your life in the hands of werewolves!" My efforts to keep her same from harm were thwarted by her of all people from the very beginning. I dropped my head into my hands unable to bear the thought.

"Please reserve your judgment on them until I've finished, they saved my life several times and it's not like I had so many more appealing choices. _You_ were gone, and I couldn't defend myself. " She glared at me while she said this, I caught it as I looked up and instantly felt foolish. Once again this was my fault and I was getting angry.

_Edward! No yelling, and I think that you should stay away from the topic of wolves as well as the motorcycle..._ Alice showed me Bella taking a crowbar to my Vanquish. I was fairly certain that this was not a vision but something that she was making up to keep me quiet.

"I spent every free minute at LaPush and the wolves spent every free minute tracking Victoria or watching over me. Every time they would close in on her she would escape and come at me again. I was absolutely terrified that she would kill the wolves or that she would slip past them and kill me."

_Poor child...._ Esme was repeating the phrase.

_Okay that would explain the abject terror. I hope that this doesn't get much worse, a normal human would be falling apart right now with the emotions running through her system but it's almost like she's compartmentalized the feelings. Her voice isn't even wavering. _ Jasper sat in awe.

Bella's voice and posture reminded me exactly of how Jasper looked when he told or thought of a particularly painful war story.

" One night she came around in the water to avoid the pack and ki-killed the pack member guarding me, it was, it was Seth Clearwater that night, he was only fifteen and she... she _slaughtered_ him before he could raise an alarm. I woke up with her standing over me."

_Finally, a normal reaction. _Jasper relaxed as she stuttered. _I'm sorry , that sounded callous._

Everyone was very still as Bella looked at each of us in turn. We were in shock. Victoria was in her bedroom, so close to her and she survived. But what's more, a fifteen year old boy died guarding my Bella. I could only imagine how she would deal with that. She was never worried about herself. The pain that I felt for her froze me to my seat.

"I was very fortunate that Jake had been on his way to check on me even though it wasn't his night. He and I had started dating,"

_She feels very guilty about even dating the kid. I think that your theory about moving on has been completely shattered. She was never going to move on. I'm sorry that I couldn't tell you that then._

_She's editing that relationship. _Alice stayed very still and only moved her eyes to mine. She and this boy had been involved as seriously as I had been with her.

" ... really he had started dating me and I was too greedy to give up the only functional relationship I had in my life in the interest of not hurting him. He came to see me that night and found Seth's mangled corpse outside in the woods."

_I think she saw the body._

_This isn't all there is. Be prepared, she's seen more._ Carlisle finally looked up. He thought about the way she smelled and the look in her eyes, she smelled like a war veteran.

"He broke my house trying to get to me, that was the hole in the upstairs wall that you probably noticed. By the time he got there she had already started torturing me,"

_She's editing for your sake again._ Alice frowned and focused her mind to keep me out.

"... Charlie sleeps like a log and I was trying not to wake him to keep him safe. I was bleeding but she had fed so she could resist my blood. I was on the verge of death when he attempted to fight her. She injured him and got away. That is what you found in my room. I was moved to LaPush when I got out of the hospital, partially at Charlie's insistence – Billy Black convinced him that Victoria was a regular human psycho and that the reservation was safer than home."

We all relaxed and I heard several clear sighs of relief. Carlisle didn't sigh and neither did Jasper, they both knew better.

"There's more, that wasn't the scar you saw Edward. That one is on my leg, she shattered my knee cap with her fist and then perforated my femoral artery with a claw to kill me when Jacob arrived. I barely survived. The pack never let up protecting me, I didn't go anywhere, including school without at least two wolves. I tried to reason with them that she must think that she'd killed me because she didn't come back." She looked at me, her eyes were sad and apologetic. I felt horrible because she was the one to whom I should be apologizing, not the other way around.

_I wish that you could feel how much she loves you. It's completely mind blowing Edward. _Jasper fought a smile.

"But then, then the killings in Seattle started. We didn't know what was going on but someone broke into my safe house in LaPush and stole my clothes, my pillow, and several other things that carried my scent."

_No!_ Jasper's thoughts turned away from Bella and came to settle directly on me; I had tracked Victoria to Houston. _No! No! No! Maria! She met Maria and made an army... Oh Bella! She should be dead._

" Sam and I figured that Victoria had made some friends and that the fight was going to get worse. I convinced him to let me leave LaPush and go closer to Seattle after graduation, away from everyone so that my presence wasn't endangering anyone else."

That was my Bella, too concerned for everyone else's safety to worry about her own. I was positive that given the opportunity she would have offered herself up as a sacrifice just as she had in Pheonix. I refused to believe Jasper's rant about an army. There was no way even with an entire pack of wolves on her side that Bella could have survived a newborn attack. She would be in a mental institution, not sitting here calmly, almost stoically, telling the story.

"Jacob argued vehemently against that but I made Sam take it to the council rather than listening to him. Jake was always understandably too emotional on the issue of me and vampires. I camped, in the cold snow with the pack. Everyday I hiked out touching as much as I could to spread my scent around hoping to draw her to me and away from the reservation and Forks. Until one morning when we were ambushed."

Bella's voice hitched like she was going to cry. She moved her arms protectively around her. As she inhaled shakily the tears started to stream down her face. People had died to save her, that was apparent. Her face contorted and she wiped her eyes seemingly shocked to see tears before she launched herself back into the story. I wanted to be sitting next to her, to hold her and take away this pain.

"There were about seventeen including Victoria and another mature vampire. I came out of my tent when I heard the howling. She had literally _made_ new friends, fifteen newborn vampires surrounded the camp and they were all coming for me."

Jasper's thoughts had descended into a stream of expletives regarding Maria and ethics. He couldn't fathom how Bella was alive and neither could I.

"Jacob, Jacob took on Victoria and her new partner by himself, he was so enraged. He was able to kill them both but he-he lost too much blood to survive. I-I watched him phase back into human form between the shoulders of two wolves just before he-he died."

Jasper stopped and looked me dead in the face. Her emotions hit him like a brick thrown through a window. _We are now officially dealing with something completely different. She honestly feels like that's her fault, that she killed him. I know that you don't want me to but she needs help Edward. This whole thing is just too horrific. She should be dead. She would have been better off if you had killed her the first day you met her._

He wasn't accusing me but commenting on her emotional state. The road back from this was going to be long and difficult. I moved my eyes back to my love. There were so many tears that she had stopped trying to wipe her face, it was wet as was her blouse. Jasper tried to help her but found it impossible. Somehow Bella was blocking him. She wanted to feel this, she felt like she deserved it. I couldn't think or hear anyone else.

"The the younger pack members formed a ring around me, while the older ones actively picked off the newborns. I was utterly helpless in the middle. More wolves d-died and were crippled that day. After some of our fighters had been taken down the younger werewolves were forced to loosen the circle to fight. One of them missed a newborn as he lunged through a break in the circle at me. I was sliced from my shoulder all the way down to my hip by a claw. Then, a frenzy started as they smelled my blood. The wolves were able to kill the rest of the newborns because they stopped fighting to get to me and just started lunging at me. I remember tons of red eyes staring at me as my world faded away.

She paused briefly but was eager to be finished.

"I had to leave after that. I couldn't face anyone again. Occasionally I hear from Quill or Embry but they're the only ones I keep in contact with. I can't even talk to Charlie anymore." Bella pulled her knees into her chest desperately trying to hold herself together. Her body started to shake almost imperceptibly.

Esme was sobbing quietly into Carlisle's shoulder. Rosalie sat still in shock for once she had no pithy remark at the back of her mind.

"We never should have left!" Emmett clenched his fists and looked wildly around the room for something to hit. Rosalie came to her senses and steered him outside to go find something to destroy.

And Bella, my love, my life, refused to look at me or at Alice. Her body began to shake violently and the sobbing wracked her from her core. The sound alone was heart wrenching but watching it was torture. Alice attempted to comfort her but was unsuccessful. I moved quickly to hold Bella together. She fit perfectly into my arms and I forgot to even feel the burning in my throat as I lifted her with one arm on her back and another behind her knees. She wrapped her arms around me and I tightened my grip. The room cleared quickly.

"It's okay, you're safe now. I won't let anything happen to you ever again." My fingers ran through the small portion of her hair that they could reach while holding her and I laid down on the couch with her on top of me. I wrapped my arms around her delicate form protectively.

_Nothing bad will ever happen to you again._ I quietly promised her as she slipped off to sleep.

Her soft frame curled into mine and she lay very still for over an hour. I listened to every heartbeat, every breath. I lazily ran my fingers through her hair as she slept and considered how I could possibly fix this. After an hour she started to stir in her sleep and mumbled something unclear under her breath. Then it started, she tossed violently toward the edge of the couch. I shifted my weight and deftly placed her back on the couch without me under her. I breathed a sigh of relief but it was short-lived. Bella thrashed violently and whimpered in her sleep. Jasper and Alice cut off their conversation upstairs and he appeared at the foot of the steps.

"She's still asleep?" His voice was wrought with concern and he had uncharacteristically spoken out loud.

"She probably won't be for much longer." I prevented her from rolling off of the couch again. "How bad?" I looked to him in desperation.

"I haven't felt emotions like this since..." An image of a Civil War battlefield washed over me. Jasper remembered fighting in his first battle. Fear, terror, anguish, anger, she's dreaming of a battle or something close to it.

"NO!" Bella's bloodcurdling scream filled the house and she started to thrash even more violently and came dangerously close to hurting herself. "Just stop, I have nothing left." She whimpered and started to fight with someone unseen. When her nails dangerously raked her skin I caught her hands and restrained them next to her head. She then started kicking and I laid on top of her to keep her still. By then, the rest of the family had been alerted to her distress and made it into the room.

Jasper's thoughts betrayed how hard it was for him to hold himself together. _ I will do anything I can to help her Edward, anything. _He practically cried.

_Do you need help? _ Emmett was at my side the second he made it into the room. I shook my head in response. Even thrashing violently her strength was no match for my own. She cried out twice more before she finally stopped fighting me. She was awake but not fully conscious and she let out an anguished cry that broke my heart.

"Bella. Bella!" I tried to pull her back to consciousness. She struggled one last time. "Bella, wake up, you're going to hurt yourself."

Esme turned on a light and Bella's eyes flicked open. Terror rang through them. After a moment I felt her heart rate calm. I quickly pulled myself off of her. Suddenly as if a secret cue had been give everyone began whispering at once.

"What was that?

"Is she alright?"

"Right now she's confused and embarrassed."

"Was that a nightmare?"

"I'm going to go make her some camomile's tea. She used to like that."

"Will she ever be normal again?"

Bella let out a groan and sat up. She wrapped her arms tightly around herself. The utter anguish on her face ripped me to shreds.

_Stop her!_ Alice saw Bella leaving, she was flying down the highway on her motorcycle and took a curve too fast. She wiped out and crashed into a tree.

"I need to go." Bella sat up and her head wheeled around until she found Esme who had stopped on her way into the kitchen. "Thank you so much for dinner. It's good to see all of you." I got to the door to the garage with record speed. I would not loose her again.

"Bella, there's nothing to be ashamed of, you're with friends." Jasper reached out to her. He was perhaps the only one who could fully understand what she had been through. Jasper not only felt obligated to help her, he desperately wanted and needed to assist her in some way.

Bella didn't listen to him. She was focused on me and only me. I blocked her exit and she knew that I was the one who would be most likely to give her what she wanted. I had almost always done that before, with one glaring exception. There were very few things that I wouldn't let her have. She was once again on the verge of tears.

"It's just too much. I-I need to leave." Her eyes were panicked and still locked onto mine.

_She's going to bolt._ Jasper and Alice thought simultaneously.

"You're suffering from Post Traumatic Stress Disorder Bella, nightmares are normal." Carlisle and Jasper glanced at each other and started to approach her from behind. Bella seemed to sense this and tensed as if for an attack.

"Please, it's just too much for one day." All of my resolve crumpled with that one word, please. It was my undoing. "I can't – I can't do this right now. I need to be home, in my own bed." Her voice pulled on me further, if she was that desperate to leave, I would find a safe way for her to do it. "Being here with you it just... It brings up too much emotion is what it does."

_You're going to follow her._ Alice sighed softly.

_Don't go, don't let her go,_ Esme pleaded looking at my face.

_We can help her more if she's compliant, we need to find a way to placate her. _ Carlisle had noticed her tense posture and ceased his approach.

"It hurts too much. I need some space. I need to ride. I need to get out of here, to be alone." Bella was on the verge of hyperventilating. Her hand still clutched her chest and she stood in a defensive posture. "You can follow me home."

The constant mental chatter from my family intensified but by their tone I could tell that Alice and Jasper approved of this compromise. Emmett, Rose and Esme continued their silent arguments with this plan but I raised my hand to stop them. I would keep her safe.

I turned and opened the door and Bella brushed past me in a flash. In order to reach the Mercedes and get it started before she was out of the garage I had to use the advantage that vampiric speed offered me. No sooner than I was turning the key, she was kicking the bike to life beneath her. She executed a very tight turn that brought her delicate body very close to the floor. If my heart had still been beating it would have stopped in that instant. I hadn't had the opportunity to watch her her ride. Riding with her had been exhilarating and intimate but watching the way the bike moved with her was mesmerizing. She fortunately avoided the highway averting Alice's vision and instead followed back roads taking a much less direct route home.

The tension seemed to leave her body as she went around curves and shot down straightaways. The pace she set made me wish that I had pulled out the Vanquish. It hadn't been driven much lately and I was beginning to get jealous of the fun Bella was having. I hated to admit it but my brothers were right about the motorcycle, watching her ride it was almost too appealing.

Intellectually I understood that regaining her trust would take time. Emotionally I had difficulty dealing with the concept of time away from her. Things were going to have to move at her pace. For now, I would take what she would give me. If that meant watching her from a distance then so be it I would do it.

Eventually, she slowed and turned into an apartment complex, parking by the first building. My phone buzzed in my pocket. It was Alice.

"Yes?" I answered.

"Please make sure she gets her bags out of the trunk."

"I will." I couldn't help the slight smile that spread across my lips. I opened my door just as Bella removed her helmet revealing her disheveled hair.

"Had I known we were going for a joy ride I would have brought out the Aston Martin and had some fun with you." My voice came out in a near purr. I closed the car door and noticed Bella's eyes appraising me. "Alice called, she wanted to make sure that you got your bags out of the car."

She nodded and collected her things off of the bike. I popped the trunk and peered inside. Bella's arms were already full. The chivalrous thing to do would be to offer help...

"Do you want me to carry them up? It looks like she got carried away again." I looked down at the bags again so that she wouldn't see me staring at her.

"I don't know if you should carry anything up." She looked pensively at the stairwell in front of us.

"I won't even look in the door. I'll just set them down outside." I spoke softly to her in the same loving tone that I had used on so many nights years ago. She didn't respond and I took her silence as tacit consent. Her heels clicked on the metal stairs as she led me to her second floor apartment. She shifted her things and dug out her keys and played with them unnecessarily before putting one into the lock. I wondered if this was a signal and then we spoke at the same time.

"Do-"

"Well-"

She blushed and my hand touched her cheek reflexively. In an unexpected gesture her hand came up and covered mine. I desperately longed for things to be simple again.

"Do you want to come in?" She sounded uncertain of her invitation and she let her hand drop from mine. "There are things that might need saying."

"Are you sure you want me to come in? We don't have to do this now." My hand slid caressing from her cheek to her shoulder.

"There's just so much and I don't know where we stand." She sighed and bit her lip. That little gesture was still both sexy and the hardest facial expression of hers to read. It meant so many things.

"If you want me to come in, I will." I gave in to her proximity and kissed her forehead, feeling the burn roll down my throat. She inhaled deeply and her heart misbehaved.

"Please come in?" She asked as she wavered slightly. I reached around her and turned the key in the lock before opening the door. I was elated that she desired my company even if she did have things to say that may or may not be pleasant. I was a man hopelessly in love with a beautiful siren and I would go wherever she would lead.


	7. Chapter 6 Bedtime for the Human

**A/n Thank you all so much for the reviews, when there are fewer I feel it. I know that many of you are dying for me to pick back up where we were on "The TA" and I promise that it will happen shortly. Writing Edward's POV has been very helpful so far in getting a basic outline set up in my head (I kind of jumped in without one) and I'm still bouncing between a couple of possibilities.**

**Music**

**Sugarland – Just Might**

**The Calling – Wherever You Will Go**

**Modern Skirts - Pasadena**

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I entered her little apartment and surveyed my surroundings as she put her bags on the table. The bookshelves were exactly as I'd expected; they were packed with the classics and a precious few contemporary novels. It seemed that she had taken up a passing interest in Russian literature, a shelf was devoted to them but each one appeared to have only been read a couple of times. He shelf of books devoted to English literature was at her eye level and almost every volume was tattered and well worn.

The furniture was shabby and old, none of it matched and many pieces looked as if they had been destined for the trash heap before making their way into her apartment. Everything was clean but the fabric on the couch was threadbare, the coffee and end tables were mismatched and damaged, the bookshelves were cheap fiberboard. She had a very small TV perched on another mismatched, damaged table. I glanced at her kitchen table very briefly it was an old round wooden table that appeared to be the only item in her apartment not in danger of falling apart. Bella stood in front of it, her back to me as she silently debated something.

It was as I turned my head to keep Bella from realizing that I was looking at her again that I noticed her unique artwork. Her walls, which one would have typically expected to be decorated with the banal Monet posters that were commonly present in college apartments, instead held large poster size pictures. I studied them attempting to place what famous photographer she was following when it occurred to me that these were originals, not commercially made posters. A particularly interesting series of three hung behind the couch. The first was a picture of the light-bar on a police cruiser; the angle was interesting and cast the bar in a aesthetically beautiful light. The picture on the end was of a large Native American man poised on the edge of a cliff as if to jump. The scenery and the man looked vaguely familiar. However, the picture that interested me was the one in the middle. It was blown up slightly larger than the other two that flanked it, and contained a close up of a wildflower. I instantly recognized the scene behind the flower as our meadow.

She had to have taken these herself. Bella had been hiking on her own or she had brought someone else to our meadow. I had already known this because of the incident with Laurent. I had hoped it had been an isolated incident but I supposed that that was too much to ask for. There were quite a few broken promises between us.

I was suddenly aware of Bella, she was looking at me apprehensively over her shoulder as if she feared my reaction to the pictures of all things. I looked at them for a moment longer and it occurred to me that these three were a series of abstract portraits. Her father, Jacob Black, and myself hung in front of me. The third was obviously the grand child of Ephraim Black; he looked exactly like him even at a distance and slightly out of focus. Charlie shied away from pictures and I had taken the only pictures that she had of me when I left. Bella was nothing if not inventive.

She crossed the room to me as slowly as she could cross such a small space. There was only a few steps space between where I stood and the dining table. I smiled at her interpretation of me. A flower in the meadow certainly fit our relationship, it had been beautiful and too short lived, but given the chance I would fix that.

"The meadow." I sighed as she came close to me. "Did you take this picture?"

She merely nodded and I put an arm around her. The photo evoked memories of spring and summer afternoons spent in the sun, the smell of freshly fallen rain intensifying her scent around me, and my skin shimmering in the light. There were also kisses in the damp grass as moisture seeped up from the ground into our clothes.

"It's beautiful." _You're beautiful, and I'm still desperately in love with you, just in case you've forgotten._ I satisfied myself with thinking the words for now and buried my nose into her hair. She nestled into my side as if she knew my thoughts. Her arms wrapped around my waist and I relaxed into her warmth. I continued to breathe in her burning scent. She had to be getting sleepy again.

"It's getting to be early morning. Do you still want to talk?" I was concerned about her lack of sleep.

"I don't know what I want." Her voice was muffled because she had buried her head into my chest.

"Perhaps I should go and let you sleep?" I started to pull away but Bella resisted. She wanted me to stay even if it meant sacrificing rest.

"Please stay tonight." She brought her brown eyes up to meet my gaze and my heart melted. I wanted nothing more than to stay with her.

"If you want me to, I'll stay forever." I brushed the hair back from her face to get a better look at her. Instantly I knew that forever had been the wrong concept to bring up. Bella tensed briefly but shocked me when she ultimately seemed to take the concept into consideration. Her eyebrows scrunched together slightly forming the ghost of a 'v' between them. I wanted to smooth her forehead with my fingers and tell her not to worry about it but then she spoke.

"Let's not talk about forever yet. I'd like to get through a much shorter period of time first." She mumbled and appeared suddenly weak.

"Bedtime for the human." I lifted her small fragile body effortlessly, and carried her into what I presumed would be her bedroom. I laid her on the bed and she removed her boots, wincing slightly as she bent her leg to pull off the right. I covered her with a blanket and she removed her jeans dropping them carelessly on the floor. I didn't know what to do. As an answer to my indecision she patted the bed next to her and I lay down on top of the covers and pulled her blanket wrapped body into mine. Without thought I hummed her lullaby; I had not even dared to think of anything close to it for years but the sound was suddenly coming from my vocal cords. She drifted off into a deep dreamless sleep.

I held her until a dim gray light crept in through the window, ignoring the hum of my cell phone in my pocket. She awoke slowly and gently this time. Her skin slowly warmed to it's regular temperature, her heart rate and breathing moved gradually into a normal rhythm and then she rolled over in my arms to face me. She seemed both shocked and pleased to find me still holding her. She brought her hand up to rest it lightly on my cheek and her heart skipped a beat. I would stay with her in her room all day but she might not be happy with me if she missed class.

"I'll let you have a human moment." I touched my lips to her forehead and reluctantly untangled myself from her to seek out breakfast for my angel. No sooner was I out of her room than my phone rang. I silently cursed at it pulling it from my pocket.

"Yes Emmett." I groaned.

"You stayed overnight." His voice was on the edge of mocking.

"She asked me to stay with her, what was I to do?" I feigned innocence as to what my brother was insinuating, as if Alice wouldn't have told everyone if his suspicions had been true. I heard Bella turn on the shower so I rushed into the kitchen to make her some breakfast. "You know that nothing happened Emmett, Alice would have told everyone."

"How is she?" He was suddenly uncharacteristically serious. After the way we left the night before the whole family was probably livid that I didn't answer my phone all night.

"She invited me in to talk and then I realized that she was too sleepy for conversation so I put her to bed. She asked me to stay so I did." Relatively little had occurred since we left them. I wasn't about to tell my brother that I had decided that I liked the idea of Bella on a motorcycle, nor was I going to share my revelation about the pictures on her wall, or any other delicate, sweet detail from the early hours of the morning.

I opened Bella's kitchen cabinets only to find them completely void of food. My next step was to check the closet just off of the kitchen, as it turned out that housed the laundry room.

"Emmett, could you put Esme on?" I needed to ask my mother a favor.

"Sure," He pulled the phone away from his ear and called slightly louder. Esme must have been outside. "Esme. It's Edward... No, she's fine. He wants to talk to you." He relayed information to her as she came into the house. "Later Bro. Wait, you're coming to get us for school, right?" He asked.

"Yeah, I'll be there in a bit. I just need to take care of Bella first."

"Edward!" I could hear the satisfaction in Esme's voice. She had heard my last comment as Emmett passed the phone over.

"Esme, I'm running into a bit of a problem over here at Bella's." I kept the concern out of my tone and opened the fridge and freezer to confirm my suspicions.

"What's wrong?" Esme was truly concerned. I found phone conversations difficult because I couldn't read other people's minds over the phone.

"I'm trying to fix breakfast for Bella and it seems that she has no food."

"NO food or just no healthy food?" She asked for clarification.

"There's a spoiled half gallon of milk and that's it. I think that your suspicion about her having an eating disorder may have some merit." I frowned at the empty space where food should be. "If I text you her address would you come stock her fridge while she's out today?"

"No problem. Don't worry Edward, we'll get her back to normal." I could hear her smile. "I'll see you later son."

"Bye mom." I hung up and closed the fridge just as I heard Bella open the door to her room. I noticed one last cupboard and hoped to find food there. I opened the cabinet as Bella discovered my whereabouts. My ears pricked up as she leaned on the cabinet at the edge of the kitchen.

"Looking for something?" She asked sweetly.

"I was going to make you some breakfast but as it turns out there's more human food at my house than yours." I smiled at her and opened the fridge using my hand to indicate it's empty state.

"I've been eating out or on campus." She offered an explanation but at that moment she ran her fingers through her wet hair. She had forgotten the way water accentuated her scent. It hit me full force and surprisingly my reaction wasn't blood-lust. Instead, I had to remind myself that I was not going to make the first move in this relationship again. I was waiting for her to kiss me, or to ask me to kiss her. I pulled myself together in short order.

"No, you haven't been eating." I pointed out.

"I eat! I just don't cook anymore. It seemed kind of pointless with no one around to eat it other than myself." She shrugged her shoulders defensively and leaned into a cabinet.

"I called Esme while you were in the shower. She's bringing you some groceries later." Her face changed and a few tears built up in her eyes. I didn't think that I'd been harsh. Had my voice been too rough? I had had so little contact with humans recently that I thought perhaps I had lost the ability to communicate appropriately. "What's wrong?" I rushed to her as she took a shaky breath.

"I'm just not used to being taken care of anymore." She swallowed hard. "I really am fine on my own. You don't have to worry so much about me." Bella didn't want to be a burden on anyone and saw my assistance as just that, her placing a burden on me. That assumption couldn't have been further from the truth.

"Please let me do this. I know that you don't like it when I take care of you but I've really missed doing it." I placed my fingers under her chin and dazzled her. "Since there's no food here, do you want to hit the dining hall?" She was about to submit when a look crossed her face. Bella had never been good at hiding things, that look had been panic. Did she really have some sort of eating disorder and didn't want to eat that badly?

"Edward, what are we going to do about school?" She pulled slightly away but I wasn't going to let her wander off. I took her hand and led her to the table indicating with my free hand for her to sit. I placed myself opposite of her without releasing her hand.

"I can drop the class if it makes you more comfortable." _Or we could skip all of this awkwardness and I could take you to Vegas and marry you today._ I discarded that thought, that would qualify at too fast in almost anyone's book. "Or, we could leave. We could go somewhere, just the two of us." That seemed like another viable option, if we left I could arrange to be in graduate school with her, or I could change her without suspicion.

She laughed at that. Her laughter hurt just a bit because I had been serious about leaving and taking her with me. I was a greedy selfish creature and didn't want to share her with her assistantship.

"Why don't we start with you dropping the class?" She looked at me through her lashes in a way that I couldn't refuse her.

"If that's what you want." I sighed, it was too much to ask for, too soon, and I knew it.

"Did you really expect me to just drop everything and leave?" She hadn't thought that I really meant it, but I did. It hadn't quite been twenty four hours and I knew that I wanted an eternity with this enchanting creature.

"I'm just being a bit greedy. It's been so long and I really want you all to myself." I couldn't prevent the lustful tone from manifesting itself in my voice. She blushed and I instinctively reached up to feel the warmth in her cheek. She turned and kissed the palm of my hand setting my insides on fire.

"Maybe we could go somewhere for the weekend." She was giving me something, the weekend. She ran her hand down my arm and I took in a quick breath once again fighting the urge to kiss her.

"I don't want to be away from you for any reason." I whispered.

"I think that you're asking for a lot after four years of being apart. I've changed a lot and I don't know if you're going to want to hang around. Asking me to give up this scholarship and walk away is a big commitment for only one day." Bella didn't believe that I was going to stay for the long haul and that was painful.

"I never should have left." I let go of her hand, perhaps I had been misreading the situation but I had thought that I was doing well. I turned away from her to hide my pain.

"No, you shouldn't have but you did." She sounded desperate.

"Whatever it is I have to do to convince you that I'm not going anywhere, I will do it." I folded my arms and pledged to make things right with an all new determination.

"There's more risk involved in this for me than for you. You have to understand that you have advantages that I don't. I don't have unlimited time or resources to go to school." That was something that I was willing to fix permanently.

"You could, I would give them to you." I turned around to gauge her reaction.

"If everything works out but if things don't work, then what?" She rose from her chair and turned to her bags on the table. Did she really think so little of me? Did she think that I would waste her time and then not take care of her? Was she doubting her feelings or mine?

"It's going to work out." I approached her slowly and rested my hand on one of her surprisingly muscular shoulders. At the back of my mind I wondered what she had been doing to gain this extra muscle while still seeming to waste away. "Do you want me to check with Alice?"

Her responding laugh was beautiful this time. I would make her happy again; I had a chance.

"Edward, I just feel the need to use caution this time around. You can't fault me for that." She wouldn't turn around even though I tried to gently coax her by the shoulder.

"No, I suppose that is one of the consequences of my actions." The multiple injuries and trauma's that she's suffered since meeting me came to mind. I moved my hand to her hair and brushed my fingers lightly through it, avoiding getting caught in any tangles. The conversation wasn't going well but she was responding to my on a physical level. Her breathing changed almost imperceptibly when I touched her. She turned to me and pulled me into a hug, I held her lightly, unsure of her intention with this contact.

"Can I just ask – What are you afraid of?" It occurred to me as she turned that the look in her eyes wasn't apprehension or doubt but fear. We could face fears, those could be overcome so long as she was willing to be honest with me and tell me what they were.

"It's hard to put a finger on it but I'm not sure I believe that this is real yet. I'm afraid that if I close my eyes you'll disappear again. I'm also a bit afraid of becoming a vampire if things do work out." The irony of the situation struck me. I had spent all of that time trying to convince her that we were monsters and just as I was willing to change my mind and make her one of us she suddenly seemed to get it. There was always 'plan B'. I could live with 'plan B', as she had dubbed it. That was my original idea for how our lives together would work, she would live out her life as a human and I would stay by her side until she died, at which point I intended to find a way to end my own existence.

"Well, I am not going anywhere and you don't necessarily_ have_ to become a vampire." I loved her and this was an option that I could live with so long as she was there.

"And exactly how is that going to work? What happens the next time I get a paper cut or worse? Are you going to flip out and leave me again? Are you going to move me with you all the time even when I'm an old woman? Not to mention the fact that there's no way for us to – to – well – _be together_ without me becoming a vampire and I just don't think that this relationship is cut out for a lifetime of celibacy." She raised her voice but laughed weakly at the end of her rant. These were the fears she had about our relationship, this is what I was up against.

"Celibacy would be difficult,"_ really really difficult, because just being around you it's all I can do to keep my lips off of yours at this moment,_ "but as for the other concerns Jasper has greatly improved his control in the past four years. He's blamed himself for my emotional state this whole time. I think he might have been as happy as Alice and I were to find you alive." I imagined Bella as a little old lady with a walker and an attitude and grinned. "As for the old woman thing, I think you'd be a very cute little old woman." She laughed mirthlessly and balled up her fist as I finished.

"No. I can't even imagine what it would be like for me to be all old and wrinkly and still in love with this young, hot, teenager at which all the girls are still throwing themselves. I don't think that my pride could deal with that." She started to try and slide around me but I couldn't have that...

"You're not leaving me many options." I put my hand on her hip and slid her back in front of me as I spoke. "I'll give you time. I'll give you all the time you want." Her face was very close to mine, tempting me when it happened.

Bella took the initiative and pressed her soft lips into mine. Before I knew that it had happened my arms locked around her body, there was no way this was going to end quickly. I had been holding out for her to do this and she had finally kissed me. It was a great release. I lifted her onto the table to get her at my level and she gasped opening her mouth. I kissed her more deeply as she both shook and puled me closer to her. If she wanted me closer than I would gladly oblige. Gently, I leaned her back onto the table avoiding the couple of items in the way without her knowledge. She needed to catch her breath so I moved to kissing her neck, she was still gasping for air and her heart thundered loud and fast.

Her breathing finally seemed to even out and I leaned further onto the table to reach her mouth again. Then, I heard it. A slight creaking sound jumped to the forefront of my mind. The table was about to break spilling Bella onto the floor. I acted quickly and pulled her into my arms just as it crashed to the ground. She panicked at the loss of the table underneath her and threw off my grip slightly. I held her with just my hands in the air as I attempted to regain control over the situation. As I placed her feet on the ground next to the now ruined table she was breathless.

"Rules?" She asked.

"We should definitely stick to the rules, and try not to break the furniture." I found it funny that she was suddenly interested in the rules. She hated them before. She must have been serious when she mentioned taking things slowly.

"It's time for school. I have a class this morning and you need to change your schedule." Bella was still breathless as she attempted to get me moving toward the door.

"Are you sure that you don't want to just drop out and stay with me for a few hundred years? School will still be there." I purred the offer into her ear on the off chance that her resistance might have been weakened.

"Do you ever stop?" Bella pulled away and collected her things. When she reached for her jacket I stifled a moan.

"Not the bike again!" After that kiss I couldn't handle the bike without exploding from frustration.

"What's wrong with the bike?" she expected this to be a fight, it didn't have to be one.

"You're just really crumbling my resolve here. Now that I know you can handle it, it's intensely... it's sexy and I have a really hard time controlling myself." I refused to believe that I was admitting this out loud.

"Oh! So, you like the motorcycle?" She grinned and moved her eyebrows like she always did when she thought that she was being devious.

"I really like the motorcycle. I just prefer not to think about it." I shoved my hands in my pockets.

"I'm finished at noon today. We could race." The tone of voice that she used to say this should be outlawed. I went weak in the knees and clenched my fists in my pockets.

"rules, rules, rules..." I reminded myself clearly enough for her to hear it. Bella seemed to think that my self control was infallible but she might learn that this was something I had difficulty controlling. I was positive that I would never lust after her blood again but these urges I had no practice reining them, I might just snap if she kept behaving like that.

"Come on, if you want me to hit the dinning hall before class we need to leave." She left the apartment and I stood for a moment trying to regain my composure. I met her next to the motorcycle as she was attaching her bags.

"You are very dangerous. You realize that right?" I attempted the same tone of voice on her now that I had my composure and turned her bringing her into a soft kiss before releasing her. "I have to go get the others, but I'll see you there." I heard Bella's heart accelerate and knew that I'd done my job. Perhaps getting her to accept immortality wouldn't be so hard with her impatient human hormones on my side. I just needed to keep my composure in this little game of 'chicken' that seemed to be playing. I drove off with her still standing next to the bike, heart flying and mouth agape.


	8. Chapter 7 Of Bikes and Dogs

**A/N SM owns all of these characters! I am not SM – obviously!**

**Sorry for the delay DH has been feeling like FanFic has taken over my life so... I had to give him a couple of days to placate him... not that I think it helped....**

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"She cut me off!" I stared exasperated at Bella's back as she shot into the parking lot just centimeters away from my front bumper. Emmett had the nerve to roll down the window and cheer her on!

_So, is this going to happen everyday?_ I could see Rosalie looking at her nails obviously bored through the rear view mirror.

_Hey, is this foreplay for you or something?_ Emmett was back on his dirty train of thought again.

I shot into the parking space next to her and got out of the car fuming. Could she not see the danger she was putting herself in? Was she going to make protecting her from harm even harder now? What exactly did she think that she was doing? I had admitted to liking the motorcycle but that was when she drove it sensibly and didn't take absolutely ridiculous risks on it. This was just over the top even for her. The love of my life was courting death like he was a long lost lover, and I knew from experience that death wanted her too. I had no intention of letting death anywhere near her, but she was not helping.

I felt an unnatural sense of peace and calm come over me and released my fists from their clenched position at my sides. _RELAX, _Jasper thought forcibly at me. _You look kind of scary at the moment, even to me. Imagine how you must look to her!_

It was then that I noticed her bite her lip and close her eyes for a fraction of a second longer than would be normal. She was awaiting my wrath. I took Jasper's suggestion and pulled my emotional state together on my own.

"Sorry?" Bella had rather gingerly removed her helmet and was eying me cautiously. I took a step forward in a nonthreatening stance and she shoved her jacket into a bag before I collected them.

"Are you ready to go have breakfast?" I couldn't control my tone of voice as well as I could my body language. Bella flinched away from me. I felt a pang of guilt and vowed not to discuss this until I had calmed down further.

"Let's go." She let out a sigh as I started to lead her to the dining hall. She followed behind me, absolutely refusing to walk by my side no matter how much I slowed my pace. She didn't want to talk about this but it was going to happen. I would wait as long as I needed to but we were definitely going to be discussing her penchant for reckless behavior. I could not loose her again and she needed to hear that.

I took the liberty of filling up her tray in the lunch line. She needed to eat something other than an apple and the daily energy drink in the morning was going to have to go as well. I didn't necessarily get her healthy food though. She needed to put some weight back on and so high calorie food was on the menu. I just wished that I could find some healthier options in that category in the dining hall. Bella looked at the plate warily as I filled it but didn't outwardly protest. That was a good thing. We were most likely going to be arguing soon enough and starting it in the line with some many people around would not have been a good idea. I paid for the food and found us a table out of the way and away from prying ears. We sat in silence for a few minutes as she picked at her food and I pretended to eat. I hid my food in a napkin when I thought that no one was looking. Eventually, I decided that I had waited long enough.

"Do you think that perhaps you could make an effort to not tempt fate by behaving recklessly for at least one day?" I tried to keep it light but failed miserably.

"No – and don't touch my bike." she stared at me defiantly. This was not going to be easy.

"You do realize that you are_ killing _me here." I gripped the table and felt it strain under my fingers.

"I think we both know that's impossible." She was actually smiling about this! What was this to her some sort of competition?

A buzzing coming from her pocket interrupted our conversation. She pulled out her phone and looked at the screen, her face fell and she groaned. Bella hesitated before opening the phone to answer.

"Who is it?" I asked, all of my anger forgotten because of the look on her face. She was upset.

"Quil." She let out a heavy sigh before flipping the phone open and addressing him by name rather unenthusiastically. I was immediately frustrated at my inability to hear her conversation, her mind was silent and the earpiece had been turned down too low.

"School's good" she nodded unconsciously. "Thanks, I'm doing well." Listening to one side of this conversation was maddening. I couldn't fathom how humans did this. "Aren't you up a bit early in the morning?"

My phone suddenly buzzed._ Great_, I thought. It was Alice. All I needed was a complication thrown at me by my lovely sister.

"Yes Alice?" I answered, trying to keep my voice low enough to keep Bella from having to strain to hear her phone call while I attempted to listen in on her end of it.

"Edward, Bella just disappeared again." She was frantic, panicking more than the first time that Bella had vanished from her visions.

"What do you mean you're on the East coast?" I heard Bella's shocked voice and I looked into her eyes. Someone was here and she was about to vanish, to die, and I didn't know what to do about it. "You're what?!" Her eyes widened and her mouth dropped open in an expression of sheer horror.

"Edward, I said she's gone!" Alice's panic echoed Bella's.

"She's right here Alice, and I have no intention of letting anything happen to her." I attempted to reassure my sister.

"Edward, she's going to walk down to the parking lot and then she's just gone!" Alice was shouting.

"I will not let her go, she'll be safe, I promise you, she will be safe." I reiterated hanging up the phone. "Bella?" I tried to get her attention; she seemed dazed like someone had just slapped her.

"You're on campus?" She squeaked. It finally clicked in my head, Quil Ateara was on campus, and if he was here then he would most certainly know that we were... She paused, listening to him before she ordered him, "It's not what you think. I will be right down Quil Ateara, do not move and do not phase." She was out of her seat in a flash and my hand caught hers.

"You can't go down there." I had to stop her. This could not happen, not the way Alice saw it.

"I have to go down there. Otherwise he's going to follow my scent here." Bella seemed perfectly reasonable except for the fact that she was asking me to essentially stand by and watch her walk to her death.

"That was Alice and your future disappears when you get to the parking lot. She doesn't know what that means but there's a possibility that you die if you go down there." I gripped her wrist now.

"If he comes here and sees and smells you it might put everyone else at risk. You could be exposed." Outwardly the argument made sense. I was going to have to trust her since she was correct, we had a greater risk of exposure here with more witnesses, that and a confined werewolf was more dangerous.

"I'm coming with you." I grabbed our things and moved without releasing her.

"Don't you think that that might be a bad idea?" I stopped my progress out of the dining hall and waited for her explanation. "Edward, let me break this to them slowly. If you go sauntering down there with me they might assume I'm in trouble and attack." They might not have to attack to cause damage.

"Your future disappeared! I'm not letting you go alone!" I yelled at her and it felt terrible. "I'm sorry" I released her arm and tried to keep my fingers from pinching the bridge of my nose again. "I've already lost you once and I can't do that again Bella. I can't. This time I will _run_ to Italy if I have to but I will not live without you again." The thought of being without her was too much for me to bear. She couldn't walk away from me, straight into her death like this.

"Fine, but you stay back and you let me talk to them alone. The treaty is still in effect but not if you get into a fight, and they can be a little volatile." Volatile was an understatement when used to refer to wolves. They could phase without thought and severely injure anyone remotely close to them.

She left me absolutely no choice and my fury returned. I funneled it into a determination to keep her safe. My phone buzzed again but I could not answer my sister's frantic call. It was up to me to try and prevent whatever terrible fate we were currently walking into and I had to do it from the other side of the parking lot. These were odds that I did not like. My dead heart cried out as I released her hand at the edge of the lot. My existence would end if she died. Emmett and Jasper appeared beside me, Emmett moved to follow Bella into the lot.

_What the hell is she doing? Alice said she disappeared._ I pulled Emmett back. _What are you doing Edward?_

"She trusts them." I responded as I mentally restrained every inch of my body from launching myself after her.

_Edward, you KNOW what they are!_ Emmett was not overestimating the danger involved. Bella was throwing herself head first into another life threatening situation like it was nothing. This was commonplace for her. I looked up just as she started to run to them.

_What is that smell? It's just like that undercurrent of something from Bella's room the night we..._

"Werewolf." I cut Jasper off, whispering too low for any ears but ours.

_WEREWOLVES!!!_ Jasper's mind shrieked in horror.

"You heard me." I folded my arms and watched Bella throw herself at the female. The two males did not phase but shimmered lightly and moved to take a fighting stance.

_Bloodsucker, she had better not be harmed. _The big one stared at me. He must have known who I was because he knew that I could read his thoughts. A fleeting image of Bella at eighteen curled up on the forest floor went through his mind. She was pale and lifeless, completely unresponsive.

"Have you been hurt?" He didn't look at Bella as he addressed her. _You will die if you've harmed her in any way._

Alice flitted up to my side. _Edward, I can't see her future! Do something! _Alice was still panicking. Rosalie came up behind her with several unamused thoughts concerning Bella's lack of consideration as well as her lack of self-preservation instincts.

"The two males are itching for a fight. The larger one has threatened my life if she's 'harmed'." I relayed. My family stood tense, ready for a fight if one should come. I watched Bella carefully for any sign of duress. She shook her head at the large one, Quil, the thoughts of the other two informed me of his name.

"It's not what it looks like Quil. Please don't jump to conclusions until we've had a chance to speak." Bella removed her arms from the woman and hugged Quil. He barely circled his arms around her before releasing her and tensing.

"I smell him on you." His tone with her was hard and I didn't appreciate it one iota. "What have you done?" The last was to both Bella and myself. He had envisioned that I had somehow forced myself on her. I unconsciously sunk into a crouch as he started to quake into a transformation. Bella was swiftly backing away from him and as I moved Emmett pulled an arm around my chest.

"She's too close Edward." He pulled me back.

"Quil, control yourself." Bella's voice was cool and calm.

"He's going to phase next to her, do you hear her trying to calm him down?" I spat through gritted teeth.

"Bella can handle herself Edward. If she's going to put herself in these situations she should know how to get herself out. It's not the first time she's dealt with wolves after all." Rosalie chided while thinking of Bella kissing one of the dogs and I shot her a death glare.

"Edward, you can do nothing to help this situation. They will just goad you into a fight if you go out there." Jasper warned.

"There is the treaty to consider. It hasn't been broken, there are five of them and only two of you." Bella's voice continued calmly and smoothly like she was used to talking one of these insane creatures down.

"I'll go, I can help her." Jasper made a move toward the four of them in the parking lot with Emmett on his heels until Alice put a hand on Jasper's shoulder. Both men stopped.

"She's signaling for you to stay here." Alice squeaked pointing at Bella's raised hand to keep us away. Bella reached that hand into her pocket and pulled out her cell phone.

"Quil, I will not tolerate any fighting today. Must I call Sam?" She held up the phone to them and the large one stopped shaking abruptly. "Are you prepared to be rational now?" Bella had indeed done it on her own. I was simultaneously relieved and furious with her for doing it.

"Bells, why are they here? Is this why you haven't come back to LaPush in three years?" The female accused Bella, imagining that we had been together all this time.

"The female is Jacob Black's sister, Rachel." I informed the others. "She thinks that Bella has been with us and is betraying Jacob." Apparently her fiancé Paul had died defending Bella as well. Rachel's mind filled with images of Paul and Jacob as they had been brought to her, and then of Bella split from shoulder to hip by a ragged gash, bleeding heavily the cut was deep enough to identify major organs. I winced at the site. It was harder to look at than to hear about.

Bella had explained our situation during my distraction. She was looking shamefully at her feet.

"Why can't they just leave you alone? Haven't they done enough damage!?" The young one appeared agitated, Jasper agreed with me. If she wasn't careful, Bella would have to talk another one down.

"Listen up, before everyone gets angry here. I have already been over that with Edward. They came back for me while we were in the woods that summer and found the mess in my house. They have been living under the assumption that I was dead for the past three years." Bella was going about this in the most dangerous way possible, she had begun to raise her voice. "They've been grieving for me."

"They're not safe. You know what they are. One of them could loose control and kill you at any time. Is that what you want? Do you want to die?" Rachel tried to calm Bella and touched her lovingly on the shoulder.

"I'm not going to die. There's no reason to worry about me." I smirked at Bella's remark. Of course none of us should ever worry about Bella! She only seemed to find her way into the most hostile situations imaginable all the time and lived in need of constant rescue from supernatural forces. No, we shouldn't worry about her ever.

_Things seem to be going well, you should calm down._ Jasper raised an eyebrow at me.

"There is no way that we're letting you stay here!" Quil's fists clenched in rage again and he imagined tearing me limb from limb.

"Letting me?" Bella began yelling again. "Last I checked I didn't need your permission for anything Quil Ateara!" It really didn't take much other than inferring that someone else had any say in her life to make her furious these days.

I was surprised to notice that her anger didn't fuel theirs. Even the young one seemed to settle down as Bella's temper rose. I gathered from their thoughts that they rarely heard her raise her voice to anyone other than Jacob Black and then only when she was trying to keep him from doing something phenomenally stupid but then it was likely to turn exceedingly violent. They were concerned about what she might do, there was a vague recollection in all three of their minds of Bella wielding a crowbar at a small black car, totaling it. I wrote that off as an overactive imagination because the knowledge didn't seem first hand, it was an anecdote passed from someone else that had likely been embellished.

_Did she just yell at a bunch of werewolves?_ Emmett's mind was reeling trying to keep up with the conversation across the lot. _I gotta hand it to her the girl has guts._

_Perhaps Bella Swan has some redeeming qualities... _Rosalie mused.

"I know that you don't like them. I know that you're angry but you do not get to tell me what to do. Sam doesn't even get to tell me what to do anymore. In case you forget, I'm not a member of the pack; I'm not even an official member of the tribe or hasn't Leah reminded you of that lately? Do you remember her insistence on me being abandoned after that day?"

"Don't bring Leah into this." Quil warned her. I could see through his mind that Bella's eyes narrowed.

Bella touched another sore spot. Leah, a female werewolf had resented the need to protect Bella from what she was positive was a situation that she had brought on herself by being involved with me. She had been 'warned' although I had no recollection of Bella telling me about a warning to stay away. Leah felt, much like Bella had, that they should just trade her for the safety of everyone else involved. She fought under Sam's order to protect the girl but resented it, she resented her brother's death while guarding her and after the battle was over she fought to have Bella evicted from the reservation and disowned by the tribe as she was no longer engaged to the boy who rightfully should have been both pack leader and chief. It was a lot to absorb but all three minds seem to work in unison. It was very odd to listen to, I wondered what they would sound like connected in wolf form.

"Listen, the Cullens don't like you, you don't like them but as far as I'm concerned this is ridiculous!" Bella went back to shouting. "Quite frankly, I don't care who's who. You are all my friends and seeing all of you, makes me happy." She was backing up in search of a quick retreat.

"We may need to go get her." I murmured.

"No, she's misreading the situation, he's in control. She's in no immediate danger." Jasper tested the emotional climate out by the cars.

"I still love Edward. I miss Jacob, it kills me that he's gone but I've been dead inside for four years Quil! I haven't been living! So, I don't care what you think about it I am going to take my life and scrape up what little happiness I can from it." I felt both hopeful and guilty as Bella said those words. She admitted to loving me, even though I had broken her so badly.

"They're vampires, Bella." Quil's voice was quiet as he attempted to talk some sense into her.

"And you're werewolves. I'm aware of everyone's allegiances here; you don't need to remind me. However, I am not betraying anyone. All I'm asking is that everyone stick to the treaty and let me live my life how I want to. As far as the treaty and the war that it's held off are concerned, I'm Switzerland." Bella continued to rant.

"Switzerland?" The young one was obviously confused by her reference.

"Yes, I'm a neutral country, as is my apartment, as is this town. No one is breaking any treaty here today. Now, if you can behave in a civil fashion you are welcome to stay. If not, I'm going to ask you to leave because if a fight breaks out and anyone dies _it will kill me_. There have already been enough deaths on my account. Do you understand?" Bella explained very slowly. She wanted us to get this message too.

"Fine." Quil leveled his gaze over Bella's head at me. _We will keep the treaty if you will leach. If you bite her it's over, the war begins._

"How long are you in town?" Bella shifted her attention from Quil to Rachel and tried to change her tone from anger without luck.

"We were going to stay for a week... thought it'd be nice if you had a visit from family since you're so far from everyone-" Bella's hand went up to stop her.

"If you still want to stay that's great. I have to go lead a discussion group. Call me when he calms down and we'll see about doing something." Bella turned back toward us without saying goodbye to them. Emmett, Jasper, and Rose made their way to their respective classes. She didn't walk directly past us and I assumed that part of her anger was directed at us as well. Without effort Alice and I fell into step beside her a few feet up the path she chose to take to class. We had lost what little time I had to switch to a different section.

"So, you're going to go do something with them?" I tried to keep the disdain for the dogs out of my voice. She was going to continue endangering herself.

"Did you catch the entire conversation?" She stopped mid-stride folding her arms and leveling her chocolate eyes at me. Those eyes were as hard as I had ever seen them. I had not intended to incite this level of anger from her.

"Yes." My answer was drawn out. I had heard her but she needed to be reasonable about this. It seemed that we were back to the same argument we had at breakfast.

"Switzerland!" She screamed turning heads across campus before she continued to walk. "No one gets to tell Switzerland what to do. I will hang out with whomever I want, whenever I want; you are not going to stop me and neither are they." She was livid.

I was livid. I fell back into step behind her attempting to control myself and not make the situation any worse than it already happened to be.

_I have answers. _Alice broke the deafening silence, "I think I've figured out why you disappeared."

"Okay, why?" Bella huffed, she wanted to hear but not at that moment.

"I can't see them. I guess it transfers over to you when you're with them and that's why I haven't been able to find you for three and a half years. That's when you started spending time with them isn't it?" Alice had put the pieces together; I was impressed by her progress.

"Sounds about right." Bella acknowledged Alice's words but was still angry about our earlier blow up.

I trailed slightly behind them to class and placed her things on a small table at the front of the classroom. She didn't speak to me or even so much as acknowledge the fact that I put her things down. This was very unlike Bella. I made my way to the back of the small classroom, as far from her as I could get. If she wanted space, I would give her as much as I possibly could. The other students filed in slowly, she appeared irritated and eventually called the class to order without everyone in their seats. She took role, omitting my name, but I noticed that she made two checks in her book as she called Alice.

Bella seated herself backwards on top of a desk that she had pulled to the front of the room and started the discussion. It became readily apparent that the shy eighteen year old that I had loved had blossomed into a highly intelligent woman. All of my frustration and arrogance evaporated for the moment. I could only watch her. She had mastered her subject area with precision and dedication that showed as she led the class. I sat completely mesmerized by her and I couldn't help the grin that spread across my face watching her enjoy teaching. She was absolutely amazing. Bella dazzled me without the benefit of being a vampire.


	9. Chapter 8 Going Public

**A/n: And thus we continue my quest to get Edward's story caught up with Bella's so that he can tell you what the heck happened in chapter 10.5 of "The TA" because there's so much more going on than Bella realized.**

**Stephanie Meyer owns most of these characters – The college kids are mine though.**

**Music:**

**Dromedary – Cassiopeia's dance**

**Cold Play – Yes / Chinese Sleep Chant**

* * *

Class ended and I waited for the other students to leave before I approached Bella. She valued her privacy and I would attempt to give her what little I could. It was inevitable that our relationship would draw some sort of attention though, and while she pretended that it was possible for the most beautiful woman in the department to start dating someone without notice, I knew that she wasn't that naïve. I would protect her reputation as far as I reasonably could be expected to do so, but as soon as I dropped this class I had no intention of hiding my affection for her. So, I waited and pretended that I needed to talk to her as a student, just like everyone else. Truthfully, I longed to be just another human; being a vampire complicated her life needlessly.

I had not thought that my admiration of Bella could grow but it seemed that over the past twenty-four hours it had grown by leaps and bounds. She was no longer a girl but a confident woman. Her skills and knowledge were staggering and the fact that she had overcome her shyness enough to teach made me incredibly proud. There would be no separation from her now, I was even more lost in her than before. As the last student left she lifted her brown eyes to look at me. The tension from our previous conversation had melted away over the course of an hour. I made my way across the room and took her things to carry them to the office.

"It really is a shame that I can't be in your discussion group." I whispered to her.

"Why is that?" She smiled.

"Because I've taken classes similar to this one too many times and the instructor makes all the difference." I briefly hugged her waist with my free arm before releasing her to walk into the hallway.

"Is it interesting enough that you want to forgo pursuing our relationship further?" Her eyes twinkled as she teased me.

"Oh no, being able to be with you is worth sitting through a semester of the most boring literary analysis from a regular, dull, human mind." I fought the urge to lean in close to her as we were now walking down the hallway in plain sight. I settled for walking close enough that our arms nearly made contact causing electricity to arc from her skin to mine. We passed by the computer lab only to find it closed. I glanced at her.

"You can use my office if there's someone there. I have to hurry on to my readings seminar." She tousled her hair a bit. "There is no way you're going to miss the drop/add deadline; I won't allow it."

She wouldn't allow it. If stone could turn to putty, I would have. She led the way back to the closet of an office and I made a mental note that donating to literature departments at colleges might be a good idea; it would be nice if she could have a private office like they had over in the business department. That was a thought that I had to shun from my head if I was going to stick to the rules. It was becoming readily apparent to me that I was going to need to win her heart completely back, marry her, and change her very soon.

Bella got her officemates attention. This one was Candace, one of the ones with a dirty mind. Candace's thoughts shifted immediately from the task that Dr. Stevens had assigned her to less pure avenues. She did pause to notice how closely I was standing to Bella.

_Bel-la Swan, you sly little devil you. I do believe that you have a thing for younger men. I will babysit your little Freshman pet anytime you like, and when you're done with him..._

Andrew came up behind us in a hurry to get to class. He had forgotten something in the office. Sometimes it could be difficult pretending not to anticipate the next move of absolutely everyone around me. I waited for him to clear his throat.

_Ah, the pretty-boy freshman is back again today, with Bella, again. At least she's not crying this time. I wonder what he did. _Andrew watched as Bella and I moved further into the cramped space. She flipped on the computer for me and motioned for me to sit down, when I made an error. My arm slipped unconsciously around her waist, craving some sort of physical contact. Andrew noticed.

_Did he just... and she smiled and leaned into him. No no no... Bella! Perhaps no one has told her about the rules pertaining to dating students? _"Can I talk to you outside?" _There is no reason for her to allow such intimate contact with a student, particularly one __that__ young._

Bella excused herself and smiled sheepishly at me. She knew that I'd be listening regardless of their proximity to where I was currently sitting. Candace was engaged in her daydreams so I navigated the screens to change my Literature course as quickly as the computer could handle and then pretended to do something else so that I could listen to the conversation in the outer office. Fortunately, Andrew's mind didn't disgust me.

"Edward?" _Edward has to be Edward Cullen, he's the only one on the role and that would place him conveniently in her half of the class_. "He's in your section, you're aware of this right?" Andrew took a long look at Bella's face. He could read it better than I was ever able to, that little sister of his had taught him a lot about women. Bella's teeth sunk into her lip and everything clicked in Andrew's too perceptive mind. "You KNEW him! He and the other one waited for you after class. That's Cullen, he's why you flipped out yesterday."

"I didn't flip out." Bella blanched at the comment, she felt that she had kept herself completely under control. Andrew and I knew better. "I was shocked to see his name on the roster that's all. I'm friends with his family and I thought that he and Alice were in Europe." _She's lying about that. There must be something serious going on with this guy, does she realize the danger she's put her assistantship in?_

"You can't seriously be pursuing a relationship with this guy. I'm sure he's attractive and all if you're in to that GQ model look but he's what, eighteen?" He couldn't fathom what she saw in me, neither could I but I was finished running from her.

"I'm only twenty two, remember?" Bella found this exchange amusing.

"People are going to talk." His voice was grim. "Do you really want to be the grad student who dates the freshman?" _She's going to ruin her life for the pretty boy.._.

"It's not that big of a deal, he's moving over to Dr. Stevens' class as we speak and I'm only four years older than him." Bella's expression changed to one that I knew well, righteous indignation. Andrew didn't catch it and had no clue what was in store for him. "If I were a guy four years wouldn't be a big deal, admit it. You know that's a double standard, right?" I chuckled, not bothering to hide it. Bella's kitten-like rage had been set free.

"I hope you know what you're doing." Andrew had barely finished his statement before Bella's scent was assaulting me as she walked back into the office.

"Find something funny did we?" She leaned over me and put her lips to my ear.

"Nothing at all." I suppressed a groan as she avoided my lips. "It's settled, I'm no longer your student. Does that make you happy?"

"Yes it does."

_That's what I thought... Bella's doing the freshman..._ Candace's thoughts grew louder.

"Are you sure you don't want to just go? You could study English Lit at Oxford, Carlisle has some friends there." Perhaps if we left and went to school together it would be easier for her.

"No! I'm not going to leave the department. I got in here on my own merit and I'm at least going to finish out the semester." She hesitated. "Unless you're not telling me something important."

"No love, nothing to worry about." I was disappointed but this was about her comfort, not mine.

"Then I stay, and you will kindly attempt to prevent yourself from killing Paul." Speaking of Paul, he was staring at her again. Her comment about dismembering his wrist had not caused his desire to do unsavory things to her to wane at all. As a matter of fact the threat had spurned him on, she would fight and he liked that. I hid my disgust.

"Ready to go?" Andrew motioned for Bella that they would be late.

"I suppose so." She had been ready to leave before we got there.

"Well, I am actually done here, so Candace doesn't need to _babysit_ me!" Babysit indeed, I would never hire Candace to babysit, that was a given. "I'll be on my way as well."

I rose and stopped her before she could leave the office. Candace was back to her computer screen, and as soon as Andrew rounded the corner to the hallway door, out of sight, I took a moment to glance at my schedule. Paul had definite plans for the walk to class with Bella and I had to find a way to put a stop to it. Unfortunately, I didn't have enough time to walk her to class and then make it to mine at an inconspicuous speed.

"I have a class in the biology building. I can't walk you and make it on time." Perhaps this would work. I pulled her gently into me and smoothed the hair back from her face lovingly. Paul watched the tender way I caressed her face intently. I kissed her softly and her knees buckled, she leaned into me for support. When we separated she wavered slightly.

"Be safe love." I smiled down at her and walked away as soon as she was safely balanced. On my way out, I took a moment to nod at Paul as if to say, 'don't try it, she's mine'. I monitored Paul's thoughts on my way to Biology. He would leave her alone for the moment but this was far from over.

Instead of actually paying attention in Biology I busied myself watching Bella through the thoughts of her classmates. Andrew was the easiest to deal with. He thought some not so nice things about me but he was only interested in Bella's well being and that made listening to him much easier. I occasionally jumped over to monitor Paul who seemed to at least halfway focus on the class discussion. Near the end of class he started to formulate some ideas about touching her again. It was fortunate that my class ended half and hour before theirs. I waited for her outside.

She was first out the door. As she exited, her little hand holding the saddlebag from her bike which was filled with books and papers, she smiled at me. She took my hand and I grabbed her saddle bag with my free hand. I couldn't help the grin that spread across my face. She was happy to see me, and that reaction went straight to my core. Andrew gave her a warning glance on the way out. I knew that she caught it but she didn't react, it was me who reacted. Paul's plan had been thwarted by my presence and I couldn't help but stare murderously at him as he waltzed down the hall. It seemed like I could never leave Bella alone without one form of wolf or another sneaking up on her.

"So, are you off for the day love?" She had mentioned racing this afternoon but if I could help it we would find something much more normal and quiet to occupy ourselves.

"Well, until 7, I have a night class on Tuesdays and Thursdays." A night class, I had forgotten about those, they were quite common in Grad programs. I would definitely be sitting up here tonight whether she wanted me to or not.

"Well, it looks like we have some free time on our hands. Would you like to go pick out a table? It's sunny out but we could head back to the house and look at them on the internet and have one delivered." I suggested. I felt bad about the table; I should have realized that it wouldn't support our weight. She blushed and I couldn't help but tease her just a bit.

"What?" I pretended not to know why she was blushing.

"I was just wondering if you had a quarrel with any other furniture at my place. It would be easier to finish breaking everything you want to replace first." Bella Swan would be my undoing. I pulled her into my chest and pressed her back carefully into the wall with my body. I kissed her until embarrassment overcame her and she pushed me away.

"We should probably consider not making out right outside my office." Her heart was pounding.

"I apologize, but if you're the kind of girl who likes to break the furniture I would imagine that there are few other boundaries." If we could break furniture then surely kissing in public could be acceptable.

"Fine, the furniture stays in tact if you can keep yourself in check in public." She smiled at me as I lost that battle. Part of me wanted to break every single piece of furniture in that apartment and replace it all, and not just because I didn't like the furniture. "By the way, I know what you were doing with Paul this morning."

"I wasn't doing anything with Paul." _Just attempting to keep him away from you_.

"You were making your territory Edward." She marched off angrily into the office. I couldn't win for loosing. If I told her what Paul had been intending then she most likely wouldn't believe me, or even worse it could affect the way she treated him and make it even harder to work with him. Especially if she got aggressive about him staying away from her because that seemed to initiate the exact opposite reaction. What was I going to do?

I could hear Bella's frustration rise as she spoke to Candace. Apparently I had been the topic of conversation once again. I hadn't been listening properly and ran it back through my mind. Bella would be touchy about that. Candace had referred to me as "man-candy". That was hardly original.

"Does everyone have to put their nose in my business?" She looked up at me as I looked in the doorway.

"Touchy..." Candace's voice took on an annoying sing-song quality and Bella almost bolted from the room. I followed her to the mail room.

"Bella -" I made an effort to at least seem repentant but I had to admit that in this particular case, her anger was amusing. She didn't realize that most of the attention she was receiving was due more to her than me.

"You know I don't like attention and you draw a lot of attention." She sighed heavily, her shoulders fell just a hair as she did. "I'm not used to it anymore. I've spent the past four years trying to dig myself a hole to crawl into and be away from everyone and now suddenly you're here and I'm back in the spotlight. I don't need to be you to know what they're all thinking!" In a burst of fury and violence she slammed her bag and her mail on the table, screamed, and then punched it with both fists.

"Bella, you attract that kind of attention with or without me. You just don't notice it unless I'm around." She never could see what everyone else saw in her, that had not changed, she was just angrier about it.

"I seriously doubt that." Bella's head hung and she continued to pull herself together emotionally.

"Do you want me to leave?" I hated asking this question but if this was that hard for her, then I would go again. To be completely honest, I would pretend to go again but follow her around like a hopeless stalker but she didn't need to know that.

"No, why would I want that?" Bella was once again on the verge of tears. I couldn't help but think that she was making this harder than it had to be.

"This," _this relationship,_ "is seeming to take a bigger toll on you than I'd like. I promise you that I'm not here to make things harder for you, quite the opposite actually, I want to take care of you." I approached her slowly, like a wild animal and placed her remaining bag on the table. She relaxed just a hair at my proximity to her so I took some initiative and made contact, rubbing her back gently.

"I want you to stay, at least for now." Her voice was a broken whisper but she turned around to face me.

My hand wandered from her back to her side and grazed the slightly raised scar. I couldn't help the sharp intake of breath that came through my lips but I bit back the instinctive hiss that would have followed it.

"It's in the past Edward, it might have even happened with you there; I was protected." The sadness was back in her eyes. "I know that it's hard to believe but Jacob loved me as much as you do even though I wasn't capable of returning it. He gave his life for me. He protected me the way that you would have if you had been there. You being in that clearing wouldn't have done any good. What I said yesterday was because I was angry. The physical part of my broken state isn't your fault." I smiled slightly, she was trying to make _me_ feel better.

"Let's go home and buy a table, a sturdier one this time." She smirked.

"Home?" _Who's home did she mean?_

"Your home. You still have a table, and food." Bella had a point, I followed her to the parking lot gathering my siblings on the way.


	10. Chapter 9 Visions

**A/n: We are now officially only one chapter behind Bella / "The TA"**

**Stephanie Meyer owns these ridiculously fun characters – not me.**

**Music:**

**Dire Straits – Love Over Gold**

**From Never – Lost Boys (this is obscure and the band has broken up but they still have a myspace page with their music on it as of July 2009)**

**Bon Jovi – (You Want To) Make a Memory**

* * *

Somehow we ended up thrust into a conversation about Bella's table, or lack thereof. Emmett was never going to let this go. We were only making out and we were already breaking the furniture, I had the benefit of Emmett's overactive imagination to coax me into thinking of what the carnage would be like if we were to actually engage in sexual activity. Emmett, much to my chagrin, has a very graphic imagination. He didn't even have the courtesy to substitute someone other than Bella or myself in the images that flowed from his brain. I couldn't help myself, they were totally unblockable. When he had finally finished I let out a breath that I had apparently been holding. Emmett was not helping my patience.

My reverie was suddenly interrupted by Alice. Her eyes went glassy for a moment and her mind fed mine images, or a lack thereof. Bella would be disappearing again on Saturday morning. I seriously considered cursing. What was she thinking? The vision was followed by a much more normal and less consequential one for me. There were nomads moving seventy or eighty miles away; they appeared to be settling in for a week to feed and have some recreational time before moving on. This was a common occurrence and as Alice could see no contact with them, I wrote it off as no concern of mine. What did concern me was the beautiful woman who was now sitting on the front porch completely winking out of existence in a few short days. I shared a panicked glance with Alice before moving to the door to eavesdrop on Bella's phone call with the dog.

I slipped out onto the porch and stood behind her. I was fairly certain that she didn't realize that I had come outside. I settled myself next to the door, perfectly still to listen to her plans.

"Does he let me out? What do you think he runs my life or something? He's not my dad or my jailer Quil." Her laugh echoed off the trees, it was beautiful. "Are you interested in doing some cliff diving?"

Those two words crushed all thoughts of beauty that I had. Cliff Diving! Jumping off of a cliff, for fun! I never thought that I'd long for her to cut me off on the motorcycle to get a thrill. What on Earth had she been doing since I left? How was she even still alive? An image popped into my head of Bella tripping off of the cliff, injuring herself in the process, or worse cracking her head open in too shallow water.

"Good, Saturday morning meet me at my place in the morning – early. Did Charlie give you my address?"

Apparently the dog didn't share my concern as he agreed to this incredibly stupid idea of Bella cliff diving. If anything happened to her I was planning on holding him personally responsible.

"I am happy. I'll see you Saturday." She clicked the phone closed and took a breath. I intentionally made a little bit of noise, the soft scuff of a shoe, to alert her to my presence. This was not a discussion that I wanted to enter into with Bella jumping nearly out of her skin. She wasn't shocked when I moved around in front of her with my arms folded over my chest. My intention was to remain calm and have a rational dialog in which she would realize exactly how foolish she was being and cancel the asinine cliff diving trip with the dogs.

"You're going out with the dogs on Saturday?" I could tell by looking into her eyes that I had failed before the exchange had even begun.

"If by dogs you mean the friends who saved my life, then yes." She snapped at me; I should not have called them dogs. It was exceedingly unintelligent of me to engage in name calling directed at the Quiluetes.

"What happened to taking a trip? Just us?" I took a seat next to her on the steps and attempted another route. She had promised me a trip, away from everyone else so that we wouldn't have to worry about feeling uncomfortable.

"I'm sorry, they're only here for a week today is Tuesday and I don't have anything planned to do with them until Saturday. The whole rest of the week is essentially yours. I might go out to eat with them or something if you think you can handle it." Bella was apologetic and seemed to me that she was almost asking for permission, but I knew better.

"Bella, I wouldn't mind if it was just that you were hanging out with friends. But did you see his reaction to you this morning? He almost phased within feet of you. Emmett restrained me." I pulled my hands over my face in frustration and tucked my knees up to my chest to match Bella's position.

"I think that he had a right to be shocked." She was defending him. Bella often loved the wrong things, me for example, and would always be willing to defend them to the death.

"Have you _seen_ what happens when they phase too close to someone?" My hands clawed at my scalp as my frustration grew.

"I have." She was now using the same calm tone of voice with me that she used on the dog. Between that and her admission that she knew, _she knew,_ what they were capable of and she was still willing to hand around them sent my temper over the edge.

"You can't go!" I looked into her eyes and ordered her.

"That's not your choice to make." She fixed her cold gaze on me. I dropped my head into my hands again as I realized that I had slipped once again into ordering her, it was a fatal mistake. "I'm going to go ahead and go so that you can cool down until we can talk about this reasonably."

She bounded off of the steps and made her way toward the garage. I jumped down and blocked her path swiftly. Bella knew that she couldn't run from me and I wasn't allowing her to leave. She didn't look shocked. She just mimicked my stance, arms folded over her chest, feet shoulder width apart firmly planted. If we hadn't been arguing it would have been comical to watch.

"You're not leaving until we talk about this."

"I'm getting on my motorcycle and I'll see you later when you're prepared to discuss things like an adult." She gestured angrily at the bike and the recrossed her arms. I couldn't hold her against her will, Carlisle and Esme would never allow it. The thought did cross my mind though.

"Would you please come inside and hear me out?" I had to get her to stay of her own free will and choice.

"Fine, but know that it's because you asked and not because you ordered me and you'd better continue to be civil." She snapped back in an acidic tone before turn on her heel and marching back into the house.

I was 'greeted' by Alice as I led Bella through the living room to the stairs. _If you had held your temper you might have had a chance but she's dug herself in now and you're not going to convince her to go to Europe with you instead._ If it were possible to huff while thinking, Alice would have been doing it. She disliked not being able to see Bella's future, possibly more than I did.

I took her up to my room where she could sit comfortably with the illusion of privacy. If her past reactions to supposed privacy could be relied upon she would be more willing to discuss things in my room rather than downstairs even though the number of ears able to hear wouldn't change. It was a very human reaction from her and I almost dreaded what would happen when it finally dawned on her that it didn't matter where we were in the house, there were no secrets.

I knew that in it's current state that my room had the potential to be a shock to her. She had noticed the lack of piano downstairs the night before and the drastic change in my room was sure to be something that she would pick up on instantly. Her aura, her entire demeanor changed as she crossed the threshold. She had practically stomped her little feet up the stairs with her arms still crossed even with the difficulty this caused her balance. However, the second she stepped into my room the anger dropped. She looked around and one of her delicate hands moved from her chest to cover her mouth.

My room was no longer the modern gold and black that she would remember. It was rare for one of us to really change the décor in our rooms, moving as much as we did keeping some semblance of consistency was often appreciated but I had asked for a change. After some time attempting to get over Bella or put her behind me, I decided to embrace my emotions and envelop myself in all the things that reminded me of her. My walls had been painted my favorite shade of blue, the one that set off her skin tone and made it look like cream. The other major furnishings were brown, warm brown like her hair and eyes but this was not the extent of the change. My CD's were not displayed prominently on the shelves as they had been before. Esme had insisted that the shelves for them remain a part of my room but I had boxed up the discs themselves. Instead of CD's volumes of Bella's favorite books stood on a large bookshelf. She took in the room slowly and when she reached the bookshelf the hand that wasn't at her lips reached out to brush the spines. She looked at me; her expression was completely bewildered.

Then, as her eyes dropped away from mine they rested on the end table next to my brown leather couch. Her things were there. The two books that had survived from her room as well as her CD and the expired plane tickets from Carlisle and Esme, and the photographs. She mechanically crossed the room to touch them. At first, it seemed that she didn't recognize them as her own but then she picked up the battered copy of Romeo and Juliet and thumbed expertly to a page when she had made a note that had puzzled me every time I looked at it. She at some point had wondered what would happen if Juliet loved Paris too. Unshed tears welled up in her eyes before she noticed the rest of the pile. Her CD, the CD that Alice and I had made for her eighteenth birthday, was nestled in that pile. That, she recognized instantly and pulled it out greedily. She looked almost as if she'd done something wrong rather than me.

"Can I have it back?" She asked.

"I actually never took it, I hid it under your floor until..." I couldn't bring myself to say it again and I hoped that she wouldn't make me.

"So, why the redecoration? The rest of the house is the same, except for your piano." She voiced the concern and I dreaded having to explain how badly loosing her had affected me.

"After a couple of years I decided to stop trying to forget you. So, I did the opposite. I surrounded myself with things that remind me of you." I moved in from the door as she sat down. The explanation had come more easily than I thought it would. I didn't break down. She eyed her books and I explained. "We found those in your room. Wuthering Heights was too saturated to save but the other two were easy enough to clean up. They still smell like you, probably because of the blood. I needed something to hold on to. We buried Wuthering Heights for your memorial service." I never could understand what she saw in that particular book but as it was her favorite by far; burying it in her stead seemed darkly appropriate.

"So this room is..." She bit her lower lip again.

"It's my own personal Bella memorial. Esme brought up my music for me to put back out when we discovered you yesterday. She figured that I might be ready to transition back into being myself. The piano should arrive this afternoon or tomorrow." I sat down with her, perhaps this was the understanding that we needed to come to in order for her to take care of herself. "I need you to understand that I've gone through loosing you once and I cannot do that again."

"You're not going to loose me again, not any time soon." She was genuinely concerned for my welfare.

"Bella, you say that but you aren't doing much to help me keep you safe." She still didn't get this. Her safety was the same as my welfare. "Do you understand why I'm anxious about you going with them? Alice can't see you, it's like you're dead when you're with them. I can't protect you if she can't see you."

"Edward, for once in my life that kind of protection isn't necessary. No one is coming after me." Bella was pleading her case that she was safe, she didn't seem to understand that not all danger came from supernatural forces.

"Danger follows you." My eyebrows drew themselves together. "Not only that but you seem to court it."

"I court danger?" She smiled as if I had told a joke.

"It's not funny love." I reached for her cheek and she placed a hand gently over mine.

"I wouldn't consider myself someone who courts danger, unless we're taking about you." Bella was still looking at this like it was a game. I was a bit amused by her persistence and the fact that she suddenly counted me as dangerous.

"I'm not even factoring myself into that equation." I smiled at her. "Would you like me to explain?"

"I can't wait to hear this." Bella was not going to listen to me. The slight sarcasm in her tone was a definite cue that her mind was made up.

"Well, there's the motorcycle, and I'm not saying that I have a problem with it you love it and I wouldn't dream of even asking you to get rid of it, but this morning you were rather reckless." The realization that this could be taken as an affront to her desired mode of transport dawned on me just as her lips parted to argue. I softly placed a finger over them.

"Shhh, please let me finish. Then, your insistence on hanging out with werewolves. But what are you and the wolves going to go do my love?" I only tore my finger away from her lips because I knew that she would need them to speak.

"Cliff diving." She looked guiltily up at me again.

"That's what I thought I heard. You're going to intentionally throw yourself off of a cliff into water of a questionable depth for fun." She had begun to look down and I couldn't handle that; I needed to see her eyes. My hand slid gently under her chin and lifted until she was forced to make eye contact with me as I made my point. "For you, that's almost courting death."

"No, it's not!" She smiled slyly. I was now positive that there was some other form of dangerous behavior that she was hiding. "I'm not courting danger or death. These are things that I do all the time now." I couldn't look at her. "Edward, look at me." Unless of course she asked me to and I wasn't completely capable of denying her something this simple. "I know exactly what I'm doing. Please calm down and relax."

"You're so fragile." The thought of her injured at the bottom of a waterfall or on the side of the road or someplace else was physically painful.

"I'm not that fragile." She was frustrated but she was exactly that fragile; she just refused to recognize that fact.

"Could you at least let me change you if you want to do things like jump off of cliffs?" If she would just accept a more durable form of existence then I could possibly bear the thought of her behaving recklessly. I would even consider approving of rock climbing if she wasn't so fragile.

"Since when are you so keen on turning me into a vampire?" My newfound eagerness to turn her was not something that she relished.

"I've made mistakes where you're concerned. I realize now that it's either give you immortality or watch you die, there is no in between." She had already made this point herself. Her resolve was now building and I had to move before she caught me in her eyes again or did something really dangerous like say the word 'please'. "If you want to continue to live in this dangerous manner, I'd like you to consider it."

"Cliff diving and riding motorcycles are hardly reasons to become a vampire and the wolves will no longer associate with me when my heart stops beating." She unconsciously raised her voice.

"What about for me?" My eyes burned into hers.

"You've only been back for two days and you want me to drop everything for you. It doesn't work that way. It may have when I was younger, I don't know how I would have reacted if you had come back earlier but for now I don't think you understand the fear I'm dealing with and you can't ask for a leap of faith like that." She was right, but there was more to her reaction than she was willing to explain. Her new reaction to the thought of becoming a vampire was an enigma. Perhaps – it suddenly dawned on me that my decision to change her had nothing to do with what the future would hold. That was why Alice's vision didn't change with my mind. Bella. Bella was the one who was holding back. I felt like such a fool for not seeing it before. She had been through enough traumatic experiences with vampires that she must have some sort of aversion to becoming one.

"Can we talk about why you're afraid?" I kept my distance but her breathing quickened and her head dropped into her hands.

"I'd prefer not to." Bella's entire frame shook as her heart rate picked up. Her breath came in short little gasps and I felt entirely helpless. From the first floor Jasper felt the sudden change of emotion in the room. He flew up the stairs assuming that some sort of danger had occurred due to our mutual panic.

Jasper stood stunned in my doorway. He had expected to find nearly anything other than Bella on the couch with her head in her hands and me standing across the room. He looked from her to me and back again.

_What is going on here Edward? The two of you were talking and now you're both panicked beyond belief._

"We were discussing the possibility of her becoming a vampire and I pushed the issue, this is the result." I made my voice low and soft so that it was below Bella's ability to hear.

_She's afraid? That doesn't sound much like Bella._

"Do you think that this may be because..." I didn't have to finish.

_The newborns. _Jasper sighed and calmed Bella down as only he could.

"Bella, you're safe now. No one is going to hurt you." I crouched down in front of her. "You need to talk about this or it will never go away." Bella was almost completely unresponsive. She had calmed down and she knew that I spoke to her but she made no move to acknowledge that I had spoken.

_May I help? _Jasper raised an eyebrow. _I have an interesting perspective on newborn vampires after all._

I nodded at him and suggested the idea to Bella,"I understand if you don't want to talk to me about it, but perhaps you could talk to Jasper when you're ready."

"I have a lot of experience with newborn vampires." Jasper explained when her face finally lifted from her hands. She was confused as to why he would have experience with newborns, it occurred to Jasper and myself that although he thought about it almost daily, Bella knew nothing of his life prior to joining the family. Things had always been said in silent conversations or just beyond her ability to hear them.

"I don't see how talking to Jasper is going to help, no offense." She confirmed our suspicion.

"Well, I do have a masters in psychology but I have some very intensive experience in training newborn vampires for combat. My gift helps too." Jasper tried to give her a non-threatening grin.

"I'll consider it, but I'm still going this weekend." She was still just as set on risking her life as ever. She couldn't handle the thought of newborns but the potential for death she could deal with, she looked forward to it for goodness sakes.

_I think it's a lost cause, bro. She doesn't seem to want to talk about this, perhaps you should compromise._

I eyed him warily.

_Alice said that she's going on Saturday. Bella is going with or without your blessing because she doesn't need it. _

This did not change my opinion. My eyebrows pulled together.

_Edward, she's not a teenage girl anymore. Those four years of development you missed were crucial ones. If you want a real relationship, you have got to stop telling her what she can and can't do. She doesn't need your permission but she would like you to accept her choices. _

_Stop looking at me like that for goodness sakes. I have a lot more experience with women than you do. Trust me, make a deal._

"You agree to talk to Jasper and I won't complain about this weekend. I don't like it but I won't complain in front of you." I made the offer against my better judgment.

"Deal" Her agreement came quickly enough that I considered the possibility that this deal worked more in her favor than my own. I groaned internally at the thought of her out alone with the dogs.


	11. Chapter 10 Courting Death

**A/n Sorry this should have been finished days ago but Edward has been unhelpful to say the least. This chapter should answer a lot of questions that have been brewing from The TA as to what happened in the forest.**

**Stephanie Meyer owns Twilight and all related characters and situations.**

**Music:**

**Soul Miners Daughter – Rhapsody**

**The Wallflowers – Josephine**

**Orbital – Much Ado About Nothing Left**

* * *

I spent an hour debating as to whether or not I would wake her. We had a relatively uneventful week from Tuesday until Saturday. She took most of her meals with the Quiluetes, which admittedly irked me. However, they had held their tempers and she returned from every meal unscathed. This is not to say that Jasper, Emmett, and I didn't follow at a distance and watch them at every meal. I still didn't like them but I had to admit that they did care for Bella as much as my family cared for her. They even made the same steps that we had in trying to get her to face what had happened that summer. Rachel's perspective was very enlightening. She figured that if she could pick up her life and move on that Bella should do the same. Rachel was potentially the only one who had lost as much as Bella. Her brother, her fiance, and then what she didn't tell Bella. The stress of that summer had activated the shape shifting gene in Rachel's system. She was now a werewolf, and as Ephraim Black's granddaughter she had taken up Jacobs position as Beta in the pack. This didn't sound like a great sacrifice at first glance but being one of two women in the pack was stressful at best and humiliating at worst.

At six thirty in the morning I finally made the decision to be noble or as noble as I could be given the circumstances. I woke her from a sound sleep so that she wouldn't be late. I stroked her hair and wished that I could sleep and wake up with her in the morning. If I were human I would curl my body into hers and not worry about chilling her delicate skin; I would dream of her. I longed to be the same, to not worry about hurting her.

My waking dream of being with her was interrupted as she excused herself. That was my cue to get breakfast ready. Esme had thoroughly stocked Bella's refrigerator and cabinets and I had begun to cook for her whenever she would let me. On Thursday Carlisle performed a physical on Bella due to Esme's concern over her health. After discussing her lack of an appetite with Carlisle she was much more amicable to Esme and I insisting that she eat regular, healthy, balanced meals. I checked the time and decided to prepare a backpack for her as well. Emmett had donated one from his most recent trip to the sporting goods store. While her sausage was cooking I tucked a first aid kit, the kind that contained everything from medication to moleskin and large pieces of gauze and tape, into the pack.

Cooking, although somewhat disgusting with all of those strange looking and unsavory smelling ingredients that humans seem to love, is actually quite meditative. It can't be rushed. Sausage and eggs take the same amount of time to heat whether cooked by a human or a vampire. The advantage to being a vampire is that I can tend several pans at once. This comes in handy at times. I was able to cook a complete meal including sliced fruit, pack Bella's lunch, and get breakfast onto the table while Bella took care of her morning routine.

She entered as I placed the pack by the door. Bella followed the smell of food to the table and blushed about something as she eyed it. I couldn't resist the urge to brush her cheek and feel the warmth spreading under it. I walked up behind her and caressed her face feeling that familiar warmth on my fingers. My fingers moved down to her neck of their own accord and I eliminated all distance between us by stepping as closely as I could to her body. Her heart beat just a fraction faster and I wanted to draw her body into mine and fuse the two into one being so that I would never be without her.

"I took the liberty of putting together your pack for your little waterfall excursion today. That is provided that you don't want to skip the extreme sports with the dogs and take an impromptu trip to Europe with me instead." I intentionally whispered into her ear causing the knee weakening reaction that I had come to rely on.

"Nice try." Her voice came in a breathy spurt which did little to discourage my plans to convince her to stay.

"I agreed not to complain. Our compromise had nothing to do with whether or not I would try to convince you not to go in other ways." I turned her around using my hands on her waist while I reminded her of our agreement. She still had to make good on her end and speak to Jasper the next day.

I wanted to kiss her anyway; I had wanted to kiss her in bed that morning as she woke up and I trailed my fingers through her silky hair, but as per usual she bolted to the bathroom with her human fear of morning breath. I pulled her to me and kissed her as aggressively as I had on Tuesday when we broke the table. This time, I would avoid the table. She had selected something sturdy but I still didn't want to risk it, especially with a plate of hot food that close to her body. Her heart flew as I pushed my lips into hers. She pressed into me but made a concerted effort not to put her hands anywhere that could lead us into trouble. I slid my fingers into her hair and intertwined them in a few strands. She gasped for air and I moved to her neck feeling her warm pulse just beneath the surface of her smooth skin. Her body relaxed involuntarily and I supported her weight in my arms as I trailed kisses up to her ear.

"Do you want to stay here with me? We could do this all day." I whispered the very tempting thought into her ear. If she would stay, I would do this all day, rules or no rules because she wanted it. I wanted nothing more than to sped my day kissing her.

"Not without breaking the rules we couldn't." She breathed the words out in a small barely audible voice and gave me better access to her neck by tilting her her backwards. She let out a little moan that very nearly crumpled all of my resolve.

"We could perhaps bend them just a bit." I tore my lips away from her neck and my hands twitched as they wanted to pull off the flimsy cotton T-shirt and nylon pans she'd put on for the hike.

"…not…naïve…enough… to… buy … that…" Bella was still moaning but she hadn't agreed to stretching the rules. This stopped my hands from acting, we had agreed on the rules and she had not given me permission to go further.

"Of course you're not." I placed my lips back on hers as I carried her to the couch and laid down with her. I drew together all of my willpower and slowed the kiss to a less passionate level in spite of her apparent pleasure in the activity. Eventually, I broke my lips from hers as I knew that she wasn't going to stay with me. She would regret skipping breakfast before too long. "If you're going to go you need to eat your breakfast."

Bella ate half of her plate of food before placing a hand on her stomach and declaring herself too full to finish. I reminded myself that she had eaten more than an apple and that it had only been a few days. I had no idea how long she had refrained from eating a serious meal before that. She took her food to the kitchen before inspecting her day pack. Upon opening it she smirked at the contents. I wanted to replace that smirk with my lips, the morning had definitely gotten out of hand.

I heard Jasper down the block and checked the time. "Time to go."

"I really don't understand why you can't be civil to each other." Bella grumbled, she still didn't understand the natural enmity between werewolf and vampire.

"We've been over this love, we're natural enemies and they're all young comparatively. I can control myself around them but we have no guarantee that they can do the same around me. It's for your safety." I tried not to kiss her lips. I kissed her forehead and felt my lips drawn down to her nose where I planted another kiss before giving up and kissing her lips gently and softly. I released her and reluctantly made my way to the door. "Are you sure that you want to go?"

"I'm sure. Now go before World War Three erupts in front of my building." She approached me from behind and stood up on her toes to kiss the top of my shoulder. If I was going to leave, I had to do it immediately.

At the end of the block I found Jasper and Emmett in the Jeep. The plan was to engage in some long distance surveillance just to make sure that Bella remained safe. My brothers gave their support grudgingly but agreed to assist. Emmett secretly wanted the chance to continue picking on me, and Alice practically forced Jasper to come along.

_I take it seducing her into staying didn't work. _Emmett smirked.

_More surveillance. _Jasper sighed. _You are aware that relationships are built on trust, right little brother?_

"Let's go before they get here." I jumped into the jeep and Emmett parked down the road at an undetectable distance.

My plan was simple, I would get directions from Quil's mind and find someplace far enough away to watch them from. Bella would be furious if we were discovered but we had already used this plan several times during the week with success. We had gone unnoticed during several meals and our chances of being discovered in the woods were far less.

I attempted to refrain from listening to their conversation and give Bella some privacy but when they turned to talking about the newborn battle I couldn't help but focus on it. I gave Jasper and Emmett a play by play. Her reactions were enlightening. We were almost caught when Quil pulled the car over; he didn't give any thought to the action but Jasper sensed Bella's emotions in time to have Emmett pull over before we came into view.

_I don't know if she's going to be ready to forgive herself anytime soon. _Jasper sighed. _She has a lot of survivors guilt._

Ultimately the car started moving again. We parked down the road and moved quickly to find the waterfall. It was easy to get in place with Bella's typically slow hiking speed. She managed to find every rock and root she could possibly trip on between the car and the waterfall. Emmett found it much too amusing.

_Here she goes again! _"Ooooh, that one looks like it hurt!"

"Emmett!" I scowled at my brother through the tree branches that surrounded us.

"I gotta hand it to Brady, he catches her nine times out of ten." Emmett had a clear view of the trail from his vantage point.

_Calm down Edward._ Jasper glanced at me from the next tree over. _I thought we'd already established that you have no need to be jealous._

I nodded. Time moved so slowly during the final hour of their hike that it's passage was almost imperceptible. The longer it took, the more agitated I became. Jasper took the opportunity to calm me down several times in order to soothe his own annoyance. Just when I thought that Jasper would tackle me for my lack of patience, Bella emerged from the thick cover of trees into the clearing that held the waterfall. She bounced up and down joyfully and stripped down to her swimsuit before launching up the slick, rocky path to the top. I stood up, she didn't bother to check the depth and she was going to jump. I had to stop her but as I leaned to jump out of the tree one of the dogs jumped into the pool at the base of the waterfall and dove down. Bella was perched on a rock at the top when he surfaced and gave her a "thumbs up" before swimming out of the way.

She closed her eyes for a second, filled her lungs with air, ran a couple of steps and flung herself off the waterfall. If my heart had been beating, it would have stopped. Instead, I stopped breathing and a bubble of anxiety built in my chest. I watched her plummet into the water and her scream of delight reached me moments after her body hit. Panic surged within me while I waited for her head to break the surface. Bella was down for longer than Quil had been. I knew that she was a strong swimmer and that she should have had no problem making it back up quickly unless the dog had misjudged the depth of the pool and she was injured. The dogs made no move to rescue her.

_Edward, calm down, give her a second. _Jasper's eyes bore into the side of my skull.

"She should be up by now." I gritted my teeth and gripped the trunk of my tree harder.

_Bro, it's probably just taking her longer to surface because she has like zero percent body fat. _Emmett watched the water as intently as I did. _She's more muscular now and muscle doesn't float. Give her a little more time._

A grumbling sound came from my throat but before I could jump down and run to her aid, Bella's head popped into existence several feet from where she jumped in. A huge grin spread across her face and she went to celebrate her jump. She settled on a large rock in the pool with her body out of the water, the day was overcast but she leaned back like she was basking in the sun. Brady conversed with her for a few moments before she pensively ran her fingers through the water flowing next to her. I watched her expression move slowly to sadness and when I thought that she might cry she hopped up from her rock and went to climb the rocky path and jump again.

Her coordination seemed more impaired than usual and several rocks slid out from under her feet and hands as she climbed the path like it was a rock wall. Suddenly, she lost her footing. Bella tumbled down grasping helplessly at rocks as she fell. She was still for a couple of moments when she hit the bottom and then she looked at her arm. I knew the expression she wore all too well. Bella was bleeding and fighting to remain consciousness. The youngest dog ran to her with the first aid kit and Emmett caught my arm before I could leap from the tree.

_Hey, hey, hey, where do you think you're going? _His fingers tightened around my arm; if I jumped, it might get ripped off.

_Edward, you packed her an enormous first aid kit, there's no need to expose ourselves over this._ Jasper mentally chided.

I growled and settled back into the tree. Bella's arm had begun bleeding profusely; she turned her head away from the bloody mess while Brady tried to staunch the flow. Rachel panicked for a moment and Bella lifted her head to say something. I hated being too far away to read their thoughts.

My phone buzzed but I didn't answer it. The caller didn't leave a voice mail. Jasper's phone rang immediately after mine stopped. Emmett and I both looked at him expectantly.

_Alice_ He explained after glancing at the screen.

"Well hello darlin'. Do you miss me?" Jasper's smile fell. "Yes, right away." He didn't hang up but turned to me with a look of sheer terror. "Edward, Emmett, get to Bella NOW!" He shouted and we jumped from the tree.

"What's going on Jasper!?" Emmett shouted as we began running. He was several strides behind us and I was out pacing both of them rapidly. I was the fastest and Bella was in danger; so, I ran hard and left them behind.

"The nomads Alice has been watching were close to the area but now they've disappeared. They were on course to cross the trail." I heard Jasper's thoughts more than his voice as I pushed further ahead. Bella once again acted as a danger magnet; she pulled it to her yet again. I punched a tree trunk in rage as I ran and it splintered into bits around my fist causing the entire tree to topple to the ground. It was like I was watching that truck come at her again, over and over. In the very least this she had not walked knowingly into this like she had with James but all the same I was still running in a panic to save her. Bella was still in trouble. The woman was always in trouble, fate attempted to crush her at every turn and she was completely oblivious to it. If she had a guardian angel that angel and I were going to have to have a long talk one day about exactly why he let her find so much danger.

_Whoa, easy Bella. _I heard Brady as he struggled to hold her; she lolled dangerously in his arms. The great clumsy oaf was going to drop her. Her arm had been wrapped in a pressure bandage but I could smell the blood at this distance; I was close to a mile away. The nomads had to be able to smell it, that would explain their change of course.

I urged myself faster, half a mile stood between the wolves and me.

"Smell that?" The voice was Rachel's gentle, husky timbre. _Vampire._

"Vampire." Quil confirmed the suspicion I heard from the girl's mind. The two phased simultaneously leaving Brady confused. He nearly dropped Bella again.

_What do I do? What do I do? I can't phase with her in my arms!_

'If he phases with her in his arms...' I seethed.

"It's me, Edward! There is danger approaching!" I shouted and they heard me at a distance.

_You can hear my thoughts leach? _Rachel confirmed.

"I can." I dropped my voice as I came close enough. I spoke quietly enough to not disturb Bella; the last thing I needed was for her to lurch again and have a nervous Brady drop her. I stopped just in front of them. Rachel and Quil crouched protectively in front of Brady who held Bella's limp, pale form in his arms.

"Give her to me!" I ordered Brady. Bella's head inclined slightly at the sound of my voice. I had spoken loudly enough for her to hear.

_Not gonna happen bloodsucker! _Brady's eyes met mine in a defiant stare.

_We will not hand her over to you in such a condition. _Quil snarled.

"Bella!" I attempted to rouse her again, my panic over her condition seeped into my voice.

"Edward..." She murmured weakly and stirred again.

_She heard him._ Rachel swiveled her muzzle to look at Quil.

_She's barely conscious. _Quil responded.

"Brady, giver her to me, she needs medical attention." I looked at the boy and tried to assess what his weaknesses might be and exactly how I was going to get Bella away from him and get away from the nomads as fast as possible. I had to remain calm, the entire situation sat on a knife's point and if Brady phased while holding Bella then there might not even be a hope of changing her.

_She bleeds, stay back, we know that you cannot resist her blood. She told Jacob about your little problem with her blood__**.**_Rachel growled at me.

"Her blood isn't a problem for me anymore." I had never been in more control of my internal monster than I was at that moment.

_How are we to believe you? _Quil growled.

"Bella?" I called her again and tried to rouse her. I was beginning to suspect that she had a head injury instead of just passing out from the smell of blood.

"Ed-dward…" She whispered faintly.

"Did she hit her head?" I turned to Brady; he had been closest to her when she fell. My voice came out rough and menacing.

_I don't think so. _Brady ran through her fall in his head but his mind was so focused on her arm that I had difficulty seeing the rest of the incident. I reached for her.

_Her arm is bleeding leach! _Quil's thoughts screamed at me.

"Of course I'm aware of the gash on her arm but she's slipping out of consciousness, did she hit her head?" I brought my tone back into line. Keeping the dogs calm had to be my top priority.

_She may have, I'm not sure. _Brady looked down at Bella.

"Please let me help her. I can get her to Carlisle faster than you can." I begged Brady.

_Edward! Edward this is NOT good little bro! We have to move! _Emmett's mind screamed at me from the trees.

_There are more of you!_ Quil accused.

"It's Jasper and Emmett." I growled back.

_They're coming Edward! Alice says they disappeared! Get Bella and run! _ Jasper thought as he and Emmett broke onto the trail.

"How long Jasper? Did Alice say anything else?" We were running out of time.

_I smell more than just them. _Rachel stiffened.

_We need Brady. _Quil caught the scent of the nomads.

"Quil, make Brady give her to me…" I put my arms out. Quil nodded to Brady and he passed Bella into my arms. Her body was completely limp and didn't feel warm on the side that hadn't been nestled up against Brady's warmth.

_What's going on here Cullen? _Quil snarled.

"There are four nomadic vampires nearby. They've most likely smelled Bella and will be coming after her." I kissed Bella's forehead.

_Why her specifically? Have you put her in danger? _Rachel turned her snout towards me and looked directly down her nose.

"No, but Bella's scent is particularly strong and the fact that she's bleeding is like a neon sign flashing her location." They looked puzzled. "Bella smells very good and she is most likely the reason that this coven has changed it's course. We may have to fight them."

"We can't stay here." Jasper nodded towards the path. _This position is entirely unsuitable to defend; we're too crowded on the trail._ "You need to make a run for it." He turned to me, his eyes were dark with determination.

"If I run they'll just chase me." I reasoned.

"We stayed put with James; Edward, this time we run." Emmett pushed on my shoulder. "Jasper and I are right behind you."

_And we're behind them. _ Quil howled.

"Run Edward!" Jasper shoved me and I flew.

The trees flew past me again as I made my way back towards town. Bella's body curled instinctively into mine as if my presence comforted her. I held her as tightly as I could without causing further damage. I heard them behind us.

_Come on Ari... finish scouting and tell us how many there are. _A baritone 'voice' sounded, he was impatient.

_Ha! Three vampires and one of them is Jasper! _A female called back.

She knew Jasper. That did not bode well for us making it out of this situation with all of our limbs. My experience with Jasper's friends other than Peter and Charlotte had proved that they were the worst kind of ruthless killers.

_Jasper? Maria's Jasper? _He could hear her but they were now close enough that I should be able to hear their voices.

_Yes, Maria's Jasper. Adrianna will be excited. _The woman responded. The exchange was smooth. Could they have heard our thoughts as well?

"Jasper, they know you." I turned my head over my shoulder. He was close behind me and Emmett wasn't far beyond him.

_I'd know that scent anywhere Colin. That is Jasper Whitlock. _This Ari definitely knew Jasper.

_Me? _Jasper's eyebrows pulled in on each other as he pushed his pace to catch up with me.

"Yes, you." We were coming up on a small clearing. "They're also about to catch us."

_I think that we can defend from here. You keep Bella safe, keep running and we'll try to hold them up. Get her to Carlisle, Edward. _ Jasper stopped and held up his arm for Emmett and the wolves to halt as well. I kept going.

_Jasper's stopped. _Ari announced.

_What about the snack?_ Colin replied.

_Still moving with the lanky male; he doesn't look like much. Adrianna can take him out on her own. We have to get her past Jasper though. I wonder why they're running with the human. _

I was already running through another grouping of trees as an image of Adrianna came into Ari's mind. If she thought that she could fight me on her own she was sadly mistaken. The only problem was that I had to put Bella down in order to fight. I hoped that Jasper could contain the situation.

_Is Mark still trying to head them off?_

I quickly made my way out of range of their minds and kept going. Then, I smelled him. A fourth vampire lurked ahead of me.

_Mmmm... The snack approaches. _ I heard his mind and changed course to avoid meeting him. He swiftly caught my change in direction and moved to intercept.

"I know you're alone!" He called. _Alone and holding my snack... You have no hope of winning this one. She smells so good; I'm going to enjoy every last drop._

Rage burned within me and I evaded him again. After a few minutes of our game of changing course it became obvious that he had some way of knowing where I was headed. I couldn't get around him; so, I'd have to take my chances in a fight. I nestled Bella in some pine straw on the forest floor behind me. Her body shuddered as I laid her down; I crouched next to her and removed my shirt. She looked so cold and exposed in only her swimsuit. I carefully slipped the shirt over her head and waited for the vampire to appear.

He stopped next to a tree and cocked an eyebrow at me. _Interesting... he's not feeding on the human. I wonder why. Is she special? She doesn't look like much, but they never do. _"Are you going to feed on her or can I have her?"

"I am not going to feed on her, but you'll have to get through me to get to her." I turned in my crouch shielding Bella from the predator.

"Why would you do that? Saving her for later perhaps? We could share." He took a casual step closer. _Or I could just kill you and have her to myself._

"No, she's my mate." I growled protectively.

"She's food." _That's really disgusting._

I launched myself at him using the element of surprise. He managed to dodge but not quite far enough to avoid me as I crashed into his side. He grabbed my arm and rolled me onto the forest floor; only to be knocked over as my shoulder connected to his chest. We both scrambled to our feet and began circling.

I heard his intended moves a fraction of a second before he made them. He studied my frame for weaknesses but I kept watch over his mind and evaded his grasp time and time again. The fight was a perfectly choreographed dance and it continued for quite some time. We lunged and dodged in sync with each other, wholly focused on the fight. I admired his concentration, he didn't once allow his thoughts to stray from what he was doing. Neither of us could get a hold on the other one to cause any actual damage. It was a smooth ballet.

His attention suddenly shifted and I had a millisecond of warning to move out of the way before being attacked by a small dark haired female. I had missed her thoughts as she ran though the woods and launched herself at me. They were clearly there but I had somehow been so focused on the fight that I didn't sense danger coming from the other direction.

"I see that you haven't disposed of him yet Mark." She smirked. "Did you save him just for me?" She had a long stretch of exposed skin on her arm that appeared inflamed. She had been scratched by a wolf but escaped, that was a feat. The wolves didn't let go of vampires easily.

"Adrianna, if you want him, he's yours." He smirked at her, thinking about the difficulty he'd had in getting a swipe in. In his mind she was a better fighter but there was something else. I couldn't discern what had happened the last time he had sparred with her.

I positioned myself between them and Bella. They both lunged at me. I avoided the blow that he aimed at my shoulder but stumbled directly into her. It was then that I discovered why Mark couldn't remember what had happened to him. She touched me and the world went black. My mind raced but I couldn't move. Mark lifted Bella, and unnecessarily sniffed her before he took off running.

"Now, you are not going to be able to run after us for some time." A seductive voice murmured in my ear. "You won't be able to move for ten minutes, by then Jasper should catch up with you." She hummed. "I certainly hope that you come after us, we could have so much fun together."

I sat frozen and watched the dark haired vampire slink away into the forest before she ran full tilt to get away. All I could do was wait and worry.


	12. Chapter 11 Loss

**A/n We're a bit shorter this time but I felt like the stopping point was organic and went with it. Edward has now officially caught up with Bella and I hope to write "The Freshman" in tandem with "The TA". I know that this makes some of you very happy. It may also mean that there are some delays for "The Freshman" that those of you who have started with this POV aren't used to having to deal with, I'm sorry but writing the two together really will be easier for me and "The TA" seems to be more popular.**

**At any rate, if you cry easily – you may want some tissues.**

**Twilight and all related characters belong to Stephanie Meyer. I hope to be cool enough to own characters that people want to write fanfic about someday.**

**Music:**

**ColdPlay - Lost**

* * *

_No no no no no no no no no no! Edward! _I could hear Emmett as soon as he saw my body lying on the ground. "Jasper! Edward's down and Bella is nowhere in sight!" He called as he raced to my side.

_He did not just say - _"What do you mean she's not there?" I heard Jasper's voice come from behind me.

"There's - she's not here Jasper, just Edward. The little freak stunned him too." Emmett's voice was filled with panic as he pulled my body up to a sitting position next to a tree. Jasper's footfalls grew louder and stopped close by.

"He laid her down right here." Jasper pointed to the pile of pie straw that had been Bella's bed during the fight. _Why did you stop running Edward? Adrianna can only incapacitate you if she touches you. It would have been better to keep running. _

"Why would they take her instead of just draining her here?" Emmett mused.

"Ari likes to play with her food." W_hich is both good and bad, it buys us some time but I don't know what condition she'll be in when we find her._ Jasper began to walk around the small clearing until he detected the direction that Mark and Adrianna fled. _This way._ "Edward should be around soon. I'm going to run ahead."

"Are you sure that's a bright idea?" Emmett looked up at Jasper's back.

I was completely unable to react. Any attempt to move my body resulted in nothing. However, if I had been able to move I would have been running. I wanted Bella safe in my arms again where no one could harm her. It was my fault; I should have run faster; I should have gone to her sooner.

"I won't engage them but the trail needs to be followed while it's still fresh. Edward can hear you but he has a few more minutes before he will be able to respond. Carlisle needs him back at the other clearing as soon as he's up." Jasper rubbed his arm where a new bite mark puckered on his skin and gave me a pointed look before running into the trees. _I'll find her Edward._

Alice shot through the clearing after Jasper. Her short hair kicked up in the breeze and her clothes billowed slightly behind her. Alice was determined to make the most of any help she could offer. She and Jasper made an excellent team.

_Don't worry, Jasper and I should find her in no time._ Her reassurances were just as much for herself as they were for me. She was relieved to put her ability to use again and she had already begun searching the future as she chased after Jasper. She found something before she was out of range and tried to suppress it to protect me but her control slipped and revealed a vision of Bella.

Bella lay unconscious on a concrete floor in only her swimsuit and my T-shirt. She was injured and her arm remained wrapped in the pressure bandage that Brady had put on her. It was apparent that she had not received medical attention, but she was still breathing and for that I was grateful. Bella shivered and twitched before she called my name in anguish and the vision cut off.

_It's not good enough; I can't see where she is._ Alice lamented just as she left my range.

It should have been me chasing after her. It's not that I didn't have faith in Jasper and Alice's abilities, as a matter of fact, they were probably better suited to tracking the coven that attacked us than I was since he knew them and she had a chance of seeing their future but Bella was my mate and this was my job. An ache built in my chest and threatened to over take my body. If I could have moved, I would have taken off behind them. My existence was so wrapped up in Bella that I couldn't be separated from her again. The thought of her at the mercy of these monsters that liked to 'play with their food' incensed me.

Emmett continued to sit over me and watch for my ability to move to return. He sat on the soggy ground next to me and rubbed the bark off of a stick using his hands. Emmett was nervous and frustrated. Arianna had incapacitated him as well and he wanted nothing more than to chase her down. He hated feeling weak and that's exactly what she had done to him.

_It's rough not being able to move. She came up behind me when I got the upper hand fighting her sister. _He fed me images from their fight. Emmett, Quil, and Rachel had taken on a female who looked exactly like Adrianna only her hair was pulled back in a thick braid instead of hanging loose around her face and a red haired male. I assumed that the sister and the male were Ari and Colin whom I had heard earlier. Seeing them in action was intimidating. They fought as a team and it was blatantly obvious to me that they used whatever telepathic link they had to watch each other's backs; they were unstoppable. It was blatantly obvious to me that I would be the only one with a chance at fighting the two of them and I might need Alice's assistance. That would make Jasper unhappy, he would want to watch his wife's back. The scene of Emmett's fight unfolded before me; he and the wolves had been able to separate Ari and Colin. Emmett was very close to ripping Ari limb from limb when Adrianna ended her fight with Jasper and Brady and turned on Emmett to save her sister. She came from behind and laid a bare hand on his neck. Emmett instantly dropped to the ground. Jasper had been stunned too and Brady lay in a still crumpled mass a few feet from him. The fight was effectively over. Adrianna took off in the direction I had departed and the other two vampires made quick work of incapacitating Rachel and Quil. They didn't have time to guarantee a kill because Emmett and Jasper would only be down for a few minutes and they didn't want to face the two of them alone.

"According to Jasper we're only alive due to 'professional courtesy'; they typically dismantle vampires after Adrianna stuns them." He paused to flick his now bare stick into a nearby tree; it nicked the bark and rebounded. "Jasper thinks that it's likely that they're looking to take the southern outlook on territory up here and try to carve out a piece of the northeast as their own." His face was grim.

The entire situation irked Emmett. He set his sites on Adrianna and fully intended to rip her limb from limb; he just couldn't decide how to do it without touching her skin. _Gloves might work but then I'll have to rely on brute force to tear her apart, no teeth._

The feeling returned to my fingers and I twitched them. My body felt like it was encased in a thick layer of dried mud. Visually, there was no flaking or any other symptom but it felt like my skin was cracking as I stretched each part of my body. I was stone coming to life.

"Crazy, isn't it?" He smiled grimly and flicked a pebble into a tree, embedding it there. "It feels like you're actually a rock. It'll subside in a few more minutes though."

"I'm going after them." I found my voice.

"No, Carlisle needs you." Emmett held me to the tree I had been leaning against with a hand on my shoulder. "Jasper and Alice are tracking them and they will contact us when they have information. But _you_ are the only one who can help Carlisle."

"Emmett, if I can get close enough I can hear what they're thinking and find a way to get her out." I pushed my fist into a large rock by my side causing it to shatter.

"I know, but they still haven't finished following the trail and Carlisle needs help tending to the wolves." Emmett's face softened. _I understand. Edward, Bella means a lot to the rest of us too and we're all going crazy with worry about her. I want to destroy them but first things first._

"The dogs will be fine." I snapped.

"Edward, what would Bella want you to do?" He crouched in front of me, both hands held me to the tree.

"What Bella wants is irrelevant in this case, she has no sense of self preservation and she's not here." I could feel myself nearing the breaking point.

"They're her friends." Emmett gave me a stern look. "Do you want to tell her that you didn't help them when you could have?" _She might not forgive you for that one. She may very well be the most forgiving creature we on the planet but this she might not be able to let that go._ "Do it for Bella."

"Fine." I agreed grudgingly. I felt like Emmett had used my own emotions and my love of Bella against me to win and I resented it.

"Let's go." He released my shoulders and gave me a hand up to a standing position. Emmett led me silently back through the trees to the large clearing where the fight had taken place. His memory did not prepare me for what I saw as we left the trees.

Rachel and Quil had been able to phase back but both lay on their sides unconscious. Rachel's limbs stuck out at awkward angles and her entire body was covered in large purple welts the shape of fists. Quil looked a little better, he was pale and only one limb appeared broken. Carlisle was kneeling with Rosalie next to Brady. A large pool of blood had soaked into the ground next to him and his legs were crushed. His face also appeared to be broken severely and a crescent shaped bite mark stood out on his shoulder.

_I don't think he's going to make it. It would appear that our venom kills their kind instead of causing a change. _Carlisle reached over and patted the young wolf. His heartbeat was faint and strained. _I can make him comfortable, but that's all I can do._ Carlisle put on a weak smile and patted the creature gently in one of the few places that held no injury.

"Brady, I'm going to make you as comfortable as I can but I fear that there's not much that I can do to help you." The wolf made no indication that he understood except for a large tear that trickled down his cheek. His thoughts were of LaPush and a dark haired girl running along First Beach with her hair trailing behind her. Carlisle injected him with morphine and the boy faded into sleep.

Rosalie took Carlisle's position next to the wolf and was met by Emmett. They knelt next to him.

_He's just a kid._ Rosalie thought as she stroked the fur behind his ears. She had a rare moment of being concerned completely for someone else. Emmett wrapped an arm around her and they sat with the boy and waited for him to pass.

Carlisle moved quickly to Rachel whose wounds were the next most severe. I knelt with him next to her broken form. She breathed in and out in soft, shallow bursts.

"What do you need me to do Carlisle?" I stopped him. His topaz eyes were filled with sorrow as they met mine.

_I'm so sorry we lost her again. _He placed his hand on my shoulder. "I need your help setting these bones before they heal improperly. They're both sedated but I'm not sure how long it will last. Werewolf physiology is a bit different from that of a regular human."

"Emmett," I called over my shoulder. "We need splints. Can you go harvest some straight pieces of wood from the forest?" I pleaded with him and he reluctantly left Rosalie and set to work acquiring suitable wood to splint the many injuries that the remaining two Quiluetes had sustained.

Carlisle and I worked together to right the young woman's body as best we could. She whimpered softly as we pulled her bones into the correct position. We had to re-break her leg because it had healed in an incorrect position. Her body very nearly shot up off of the forest floor as we did that. Carlisle injected her again. We splinted the newly set bones and she remained still and peaceful after the ordeal. Tending to Quil proved to be significantly easier. He had shifted into human form more easily than Rachel and the bones that had knitted themselves back together had done so correctly. That left only one leg that needed its position corrected in order to heal properly.

It was after we set the final bone that Brady's heart began to slow to an almost imperceptible thump. His heart was barely pumping. With the rest of our work completed Carlisle and I wandered over to the seemingly peaceful wolf to pay our respects. He was completely unconscious but we couldn't let his passing go unnoted. His thoughts were like that of a small child as he passed, they were bright colors and emotions, he dreamed of the girl again. This time her remembered her scent; it was woodsy and gentle like a bonfire next to the ocean. She smiled at him and took his hand. His last clear thought was running down the beach with her. My eyes stung as I knelt next to his head and stroked an ear as he followed her. His body shifted back to human form and his last breath came as a sigh before his heart came to a complete stop.

_Thank you Brady. _Carlisle covered the boy with an emergency blanket from his bag to protect his naked form. I seconded his thanks.

The clearing was too quiet without the boy's thoughts. I dropped my head into my hands and ran my fingers down my face. I willed my fingers to claw the skin, to inflict some sort of damage. Bella was still in danger and another one of her friends had died. The pain in my chest was unbearable as the world crashed down on me. This was entirely my fault. Had I never left Bella, or had I come back sooner none of this would have ever happened. She would be immortal and forever eighteen by my side. All of her friends would still be alive and all of this heartache could have been avoided. Why had I been so foolish and self centered to think that everything that was wrong in her life came down to me? I should have stayed and protected her. My reasons for leaving although they seemed noble were blatantly narcissistic.

I stood and made my way over to the trees. My anger enveloped me and I rammed my fist violently into a tree. It splintered as my fist crashed into it. My fingers were clearly visible in the indentation left behind. I screamed and dropped back down to my knees; the impact shook the ground. I sobbed tearlessly and continued to scream intermittently until Carlisle finally came for me with news.


	13. Chapter 12 A Plan

**A/n: Hey all! Thanks for the reviews. I know that I said there would be delays and I was in the very least honest with you!**

**I don't own Twilight, Stephanie Meyer does.**

**This time I wrote listening to a show called "Live in the Lobby"; on WUOG fm (yes that is part of my name):**

**The two I listened to were: It's Elephants and Young Goodman Brown**

**Editing music:**

**Sugababes - "Too lost in you" (not typically my style but it felt right)**

**Blondie - "Call Me"**

**Cowboy Mouth - "What'cha gonna do?"**

* * *

I don't know how long I screamed and clawed at the ground. It was a primal, deep anguish from my soul that enveloped every inch of my body. Every cell screamed in rage. Bella was gone and she was in danger. I had once again been unable to protect her. The ground under my fingers was pulverized into loose dirt but the ache continued. I didn't know what we would find_ if_ we found her again and if she survived she would have to deal with the loss of Brady. She was so fragile and broken already, how would she cope with the loss of one so young who died trying to save her? Sobs wracked through my chest and I screamed again. I was only vaguely conscious of the world around me.

"Edward," Carlisle's voice came from behind me and forced my thoughts back into a more constructive pattern.

"Jasper and Alice just called. They were able to track them to a group of warehouses but they don't know which one. Alice's visions of Bella aren't dark anymore but they're still unclear." His thoughts shifted and I became instantly suspicious.

"What aren't you telling me?" I couldn't look at him.

_You need to be prepared for what we might find. _He thought before replaying what Alice told him over the phone:

'Carlisle, I can see her now. She's sleeping in an office but her arm doesn't look good.' Alice paused and took a rough unnecessary breath. 'The fingers on her right hand are blue and she's clutching that arm to her chest.'

'How long?' Carlisle voice echoed his thoughts in the memory.

'It's a few hours away, anywhere from three to eight.' She was guessing.

The memory ended and Carlisle placed a hand on my shoulder. I felt the weight of the world crash down with it. If Bella's hand was turning blue in a few hours, then we didn't have much time to find her. Her arm needed to be fixed and the blood flow restored before there was any permanent damage. Carlisle's concern was the same as mine.

His phone beeped in his pocket. Her flipped open the oblong black box and studied the screen. I looked at it through his eyes; the screen registered one missed call but neither of us recognized the number. The phone beeped again showing one new voicemail.

"Bella," My voice came out as a strangled gasp.

_I don't think so._ "How?" Carlisle's face crinkled showing his skepticism outwardly.

"She was in an office. Maybe she found a phone?" I offered.

_It's doubtful that they'd leave her alone with a phone._ Carlisle dialed his voicemail box and I waited impatiently listening to his mind while he navigated through the menu to his new message. I could barely restrain myself by pacing back and forth. Then he got to the message.

"Carlisle, it's Bella. Something's happened, I woke up alone and injured in what I think is some sort of warehouse. I've found some paperwork that says 'Anderson Shipping' but I can't find an address anywhere. I think - I think that Edward was with me when I was taken. I don't know what's going on, just please find me Carlisle. Please, I'm hurt and afraid." Her words ran together in a much more rapid succession than a normal human would comfortably speak them. Bella was clearly shaken up and afraid; I could almost hear her accelerated heart rate and feel the perspiration on her skin. I could also hear pain in her voice. Her arm and head were hurting, but the pain wasn't solely physical, she didn't know what had transpired and was concerned for me.

I automatically called Alice. My fingers had dialed the number before Carlisle hung up the phone. She answered on the first ring.

"Yes, I saw the message." She blurted out.

"Is there an Anderson shipping there?" The strain of the situation could clearly be heard in my voice.

"Most of these buildings aren't labeled Edward and before you ask, they've been to every possible building in the area. Jasper says that Ari and Adrianna are very thorough when it comes to covering a trail." Her voice was pained.

"Please Alice, find her." I begged.

"We'll find her Edward. I promise we'll find her." Alice hung up.

Carlisle pulled up the web browser on his phone and looked up Anderson Shipping. I took his lead and looked up the phone number. Unfortunately, it led to a dead end. The number was unlisted but Carlisle found a hit on a possible location. There were three warehouses nestled together. I sighed, we still didn't know which one she was in.

Rose and Emmett emerged from the trees with Esme. My anguish had been so consuming that I hadn't noticed Rose and Emmett's absence. All three of their faces were creased with worry and I was bombarded with their thoughts.

_Any news?_ Esme walked straight to Carlisle and phrased her question to him.

_So, where are we going._ Rosalie made a show of pulling her hair into a pony tail and rolling up her sleeves.

_I have what I need. _Emmett smirked. _Let's go kick some butt and get out girl back. _He pulled a pair of gloves out of his pocket and clapped them into his palm a couple of times.

My phone chirped with a text message from Alice:

**Got Carlisle's search information.**

**Found the group of warehouses.**

**Bella in more danger than I thought.**

**Come now!**

"We need to go." I looked up at my family just as Carlisle's phone chirped. I caught one phrase before his mind focused on something else:

**Don't tell Edward...**

I growled and took off after Alice's scent. I knew from experience that pulling information out of Carlisle was nearly impossible and if the situation was dire then I didn't have time to waste attempting to pull information from my father's mind. In general, Alice would only withhold something dire; so, I ran.

_I'm right behind you._ Emmett didn't wait for an explanation. Just like Jasper, he charged straight into whatever danger my Bella had found. At that moment, I appreciated their willingness to do anything for the family more than I could ever explain. They didn't love Bella the way I did, or even the way Alice loved her but they accepted her as their sister and loved her in their own way. They were genuinely concerned and their support meant a lot to me. Carlisle had always looked on her as a daughter; his efforts in saving her went without question. Rosalie's willingness to assist shocked me though. She and Bella were just too different and couldn't relate to each other, like oil and water, but Rosalie ran slightly behind Emmett. My family was with me.

_Esme is staying to tend to the wolves._ Carlisle pushed himself to run next to me. I wasn't running at my full speed because I needed them with me, to keep me from tearing the buildings apart in my search. Someone had to hold me back.

_Someone has to explain what happened to Brady to them when they wake up. I thought that Esme was the logical choice. She wants to help but..._

"Carlisle, she's never fought before. Esme would be more liability than help." I voiced the thought before he could complete it. He nodded in agreement.

The warehouses were further away than I had anticipated. Alice and Jasper had to have run faster than I thought them capable of in order to reach them in the short amount of time that it took them. The four of us flew through the forest and over what could be described as either a very short mountain or a very tall hill. Our destination nestled in close to the base of the hill. A highway passed directly in front of the industrial buildings allowing easy access and a small town lay just beyond that.

Alice stepped out from behind a building and signaled us to stop at the tree line. We were still far enough away that I couldn't make out her thoughts clearly unless she tried to tell me something. She and Jasper moved up the hill at a speed that would have made them undetectable to the keenest of human eyes. The sun emerged from behind the clouds a fraction of a second before Alice and Jasper made it to the trees. The flash of brilliance as their skin glittered was brief enough to go unnoticed by the town below.

My hands wrapped around Alice's arms before she stopped moving. I effectively pulled her to a halt and Jasper tensed. He felt that I was a danger to her, but Alice's eyes registered no shock when they met mine. She had already seen my reaction.

"Show me Alice." I whispered.

"No." She replied.

"It can't be worse than what I'm imagining." I growled.

"If I show you, it doesn't change." She hissed back. Her mind flicked through several images of Bella but she passed over each of them quickly enough that I couldn't register the full image before she had moved to the next. Alice was scanning her visions for something to show me. My hands tightened around her arms and a growl sounded from over her right shoulder. Alice held up a tiny hand. "I can handle Edward."

Alice found several images of Bella that she deemed 'acceptable' to show me. She was offering me what little comfort she could grant. She flicked through the images slowly and repeated them like a video set on loop until my hands on her shoulders loosened.

_Trust me and listen. I love her too and I have to make the choice that's best for her. The one that keeps her alive._ She showed me five of the images again, more slowly this time:

Bella greedily eating canned ravioli with little drops of sauce in the corners of her mouth.

Bella folding the waistband of a pair of suit pants and stapling them to make them fit her tiny waist.

Bella staring down Adrianna and winning.

Bella standing outside, eyes closed, her hair blowing in the wind. (Something seemed wrong with that image, something about her skin and face but I couldn't place it.)

Bella and I standing in a meadow. My hand gently grazing down her face with her eyes closed again. She leans into my touch before moving in to find my lips and kissing me.

The last two images shimmered with uncertainty. Alice couldn't guarantee that either would actually occur. She included them to show me some hope that there might be a future for Bella. I clung onto them even knowing that they might not come to fruition. They were all that I had.

_We have to be careful to make that happen. Jasper has a plan that will work if you can bring yourself to follow along with it and not lead with your emotions. I want this to work as much as you._ Alice turned to Jasper and signaled him to take charge. He hesitantly stepped forward. Jasper looked to Carlisle and then to me for confirmation that he had the floor. We both nodded at him to continue.

"This is going to be far from an easy task." _Alice says that this will work but rescuing Bella from this particular coven is going to be risky. I'm not sure that she could have chosen a worse situation to fall into._ Jasper dropped his arms to his sides; he had very little confidence that any plan would work to successfully rescue Bella. "I know two of them well, I trained them. Ari and Adrianna were among the last set of newborns that I trained for Maria. I've called Peter to see if anyone else had heard of them or their mates. He and Charlotte have had contact with the coven."

"It seems that all four of them are gifted. Adrianna can freeze a vampire or kill a human with a touch. Her ability tricks the brain into believing that it doesn't have contact with the body. The shock is enough to kill a human but it merely incapacitates one of us. We used to use her extensively in battle; her only job was to touch as many vampires as possible and others would come in behind her and dispose of them. She wasn't a very skilled fighter before but she may have improved with time.

"Ari is a tracker. She can sense minds and what someone is currently doing but she is incapable of reading thoughts. Her ability is also limited to a very short distance. What is troubling about her being near Bella is her propensity to toy with her prey before feeding. She would keep her rewards alive for days as she played with them when I knew her. We have no reason to think that she's hurt Bella but it is possible. Ari is also an excellent fighter. She's very graceful and wastes no movement in battle.

"That brings us to her mate, Colin – the red head -"

"He and Ari can communicate telepathically, can't they?" I interrupted. Jasper nodded.

"That's just cheating." Emmett mumbled.

"Interestingly enough, according to Peter, he can only do it with her." Jasper explained. "It certainly explains Emmett's difficulty with them earlier today." He nodded to Emmett who appreciated the recognition that his loss wasn't entirely his own fault. "Mark is able to assess ones weaknesses and strengths just by watching or speaking to him or her. Peter spent a little time sparing with him and found the match to be rather challenging. He's also the newest and possibly least committed member of the coven. He behaves as Adrianna's mate but Peter said that Charlotte doubted whether or not the two were actually mates.

"I only have one more piece of information to pass on before we discuss strategy. The situation goes beyond Bella. Adrianna invited me to join them during the fight earlier. She and Ari have a vision of dividing the Northern United States in the same way that The South has been divided. They're tired of migrating and they want to set up territories. We cannot allow that. So, you see, there is much more at stake here than Bella's life. I don't think that they intend on feeding off of her. They may have wanted that in the beginning but I think that their new plan may be to use her somehow. She might be bait to bring us in, or they may intend to change her and use her as a newborn fighter or a bargaining chip with the Volturi. The possibilities are endless when it comes to Bella.

Jasper finished in silence. Time seemed to stop for a moment as we considered his words. Six on four had seemed like an easy win before but now a victory was uncertain. Bella was caught up in the middle and being used as a pawn. How were we to get her out of this and prevent this dangerous coven from exerting any power.

"Jasper, Alice said that you had a plan." Carlisle spoke and we turned to listen to our battle hardened brother.

"I need to find out what they're doing." Jasper's voice was strained and unhappy. _I really don't want to do this._ "So, if you agree, I'm going to go tell Adrianna that I want to join them." _The two of them really are despicable. I'm going to do my best to convince them that I'm done with our lifestyle and ready to feed on humans again. _

"Is there another way?" I gave him a serious look regarding his thoughts.

"No." _Alice has seen disaster in every other plan I've come up with._ "It's the only way we're going to find out."

"What if I get close enough to the buildings to hear their thoughts. Then I could find out -"

"Ari." Jasper interrupted my panic with one word. "When you get close enough to sense her; she will sense you."

_And then it's over._ Alice tried not to show me, but an image of Bella splayed on a beige carpet completely drained of blood slid across her subconscious. My fists were clenched. I pulled in a ragged breath at the sight. _I'm sorry Edward, I didn't want you to see that. You have to listen, we need a spy._

"No, we don't need a spy Alice." I growled.

"Edward, we don't have time to play the game where you go through every possibility that Jasper and I have already discussed while you watch Bella die in my mind over and over again while you change your mind!" Alice's anger was intense; it exploded from her with the force of a bomb. "Trust me. Trust _me_ Edward. It's the only way. Jasper has to be on the inside."

I went through other possibilities in my head and Alice shoved me into a tree. The tree groaned; she continued to push on my body with her small but surprisingly strong hands. Her eyes bore into mine as decision after decision quickly played out in her head. Her nails dug into my arms a little more tightly after each time she watched Bella slip. In two instances, I accidentally killed her while fighting Ari. That was when I stopped.

"This is our only chance!" She gave me a final shove and moved away. "You stubborn jerk!" Alice sobbed. Sometimes it was easy to forget how much seeing the future, particularly when it was bad, weighed on Alice. I had just forced her to watch Bella's demise in about fifty different ways, all of which she had probably already seen with Jasper.

_Enough Edward, enough._ Carlisle's thoughts chided me. _You're pushing Alice too far. She isn't a machine._

I nodded to him.

"What was that about?" Emmett stepped between Alice and me.

"I'm sorry Alice." I chocked out the words and tried not to sob.

"Just listen to me next time." Her voice was high and strangled. Jasper wrapped his arms around her and smoothed her short spiky hair with his fingers.

_Control yourself, being my brother only affords you so much leeway when it comes to Alice and if you push her like that again I __**will **__tear your arms off._ Jasper rarely threatened me but Alice was his weak point and I had pushed things too far. He was soothing her emotions and whispering in her ear.

"Fine, what's the rest of the plan?" I gritted my teeth. There was only one path out of this and sending Jasper into a hornets nest filled with temptation to rejoin his old life was the only way.

"I will gain their trust and then convince them that you want to negotiate territory in exchange for Bella." He looked grim. "When we meet, Carlisle will take Bella to examine her and bolt. Then, we fight."

"Five on four." I muttered.

"We can win five on four." Emmett's bravado shone through his voice. "It'll be too easy." He smiled.

"Emmett, four trained fighters, two of which are veterans of newborn conflicts in the South, two telepathically linked fighters and one very gifted male who gave_ Peter_ trouble sparing against us. Not to mention the fact that we can't _touch_ one of them without being incapacitated. These aren't good odds." I narrowed my eyes at him.

_I __**have**__ gloves! Don't be such a drama queen._

"Do you remember Peter beating you in five seconds flat?" I stared at him.

"I could come back after I move Bella to safety." Carlisle suggested.

"No, Bella is going to need you." Alice shook her head.

_We can do this Edward._ The thought came surprisingly from Rosalie. _Don't doubt me, I can handle myself._ Her eyes flashed dangerously.

"Does everyone else agree to the plan?" Emmett asked. "Show of hands." Everyone raised a hand except for me.

"Fine." I grunted. "Fine!" My hands balled themselves into fists and Jasper sent me a shot of calm loosening them. "We're low on time; let's get going." I still felt like this was the worst possible idea.


	14. Chapter 14 The Waiting Game

**A/n: Thanks for the reviews. I realized that a couple of chapters ago there were several that I didn't respond to, I'm terribly sorry for that. I've been a little distracted. Please keep in mind though that if you don't log into your account when you review that I can't respond to it. A couple of you have made some very interesting observations and asked questions that I can't answer in my A/n without tipping everyone else off. **

**You may have noticed that there is no Chapter 13, my numbers were different from those on FanFiction and it's been driving me up a wall. So, I'm skipping 13.**

**This is also a short chapter due to the fact that it needs to line up with "The TA".**

**Here are a couple of things that I can address: **

**Esme – I'm not writing her off completely but the only reason that she was able to be of assistance in ****Eclipse**** and ****Breaking Dawn**** was that Jasper trained her to fight. That being said, she was fighting newborns who possessed no skill. This is totally different. There is NO TIME to show her even the basics. Having said that, I will take certain requests into consideration as the story shapes itself.**

**The wolves – I'm not sure if I'll use them again in a fight. Rachel and Quil are both badly injured and if you remember when Jake was injured in Eclipse it took a couple of days for the bones to knit back together properly. They may or may not show up; don't hold your breath.**

**Jasper drinking human blood – ****You'll get a glimpse of what happens in this chapter but only what Alice sees. Other than that, you're blind like Edward because I'm not shifting POV's within the stories without a very compelling reason. The full scene is in Chapter 14 of "The TA".**

**Stephanie Meyer owns Twilight, I don't.**

**No music - sorry**

* * *

Waiting for news was nerve wracking. There was nothing to keep my mind off of what must have been happening in the building that held my gaze. Jasper had gone down and called to Ari. The petite female brought him into one of the buildings before closing the door and sealing his fate. I paced a path through the sparse brush underfoot.

_Jasper can handle himself._ Alice reassured me. I nodded.

Emmett busied himself on his cell phone playing a game and thinking about strategy while Rosalie mulled over thoughts about the dress that she and Alice had been designing before Alice's gift interrupted them. Carlisle was considering how Esme must have been getting along with the wolves and debated as to whether or not to call her. She would not like the plan. Esme was gentle but should would express her disapproval and Carlisle had enough doubts of his own without calling her. Alice focused on the future as a way to get clues. Jasper was a convenient if painful choice as our spy because she was more attuned to his future than Bella's and would be able to see things faster and clearer. She trusted him, but having said that, she absolutely hated that he was in danger.

_No!_ Alice stopped playing with a blade of grass and her eyes glazed over:

"So, you've come back to us?" Adrianna stood in front of Jasper and smirked.

"Yes." Jasper smiled at the female.

"You don't actually expect us to believe that you've left your coven so easily?" Ari walked around him and tousled his blonde hair. "You'll have to prove it General."

"How would you like me to do that?" The smile on his face was chilling.

"Well, you'll have to drink from a human of course." Adrianna laughed.

"Do you happen to have a spare human laying around or are we going hunting this evening?" He quipped.

"I think that we can supply one." Ari glanced at Adrianna and hopped joyfully. She was going to get what she wanted.

Alice's vision shifted further into the future:

They were in the office.

Jasper beckoned to Bella and she walked forward woodenly. Each step she took seemed to be orchestrated by a puppeteer. Her eyes were wide and fearful and her breathing came in shallow bursts. She was being compelled to move. She stopped just shy of touching Jasper.

Jasper leaned down and pulled her head back barring his teeth. Bella's body went limp as he dropped his head to her neck. She let out a tiny gasp and the vision went black.

Alice and I both screamed. She searched frantically to find the outcome. A crucial decision had not been made yet and Bella's life hung in the balance. I reassured myself that Jasper could be trusted; that he would never hurt Bella but a doubt lingered at the back of my mind. Bella wasn't the only one at stake. This situation was bigger than just her. Would Jasper sacrifice Bella for the greater good? He might. He would make it easy for her, but he might do it. I sobbed at the thought of my brother betraying me in such a manner. He would have to dispose of me if he killed her.

"What's going on?" Emmett stood in front of me blocking the path to the warehouse. I hadn't realized that I was moving in that direction.

"It's Jasper and Bella-" I could barely force myself to speak. "He's going to..."

"Edward." Carlisle was behind me. "You can trust him."

"His teeth are going to be on her throat!" I yelled.

"You don't honestly think that Jasper would drink from Bella do you?" Emmett was appalled by the thought. He was offended even further by the fact that I would think it.

"I saw it!" I argued. "Jasper's teeth _on Bella's throat!_"

Alice sobbed as she continued her frantic search. She refused to believe what she had seen. He would never do that to her or to me. There had to be a logical explanation that didn't involve her husband killing her best friend, and she wouldn't stop until she found it.

"Do you think that he's changing her?" Rosalie asked from her perch in one of the trees. _If he thinks that she's badly injured he might do that, right?_

"Not to doubt Jasper or anything but I don't think that he has the self control for that." Emmett crossed his arms and continued to bar my path.

_Great Emmett, way to make things better._ "Have a little faith. His control has improved; he didn't attack her earlier when she was bleeding did he?" Rosalie scowled. _Four years ago he went after her for a paper cut._

"It's apples and oranges Rosalie." I sighed. "You don't understand. Having your teeth in someone's neck is vastly different from resisting the smell of blood."

_You've got that right._ Emmett agreed with me mentally but would never voice it to Rose. I gave him a slight smile. Emmett would most certainly know about that.

"Sorry, I don't have an experience with that." Rosalie shot back at the two of us. _Some of us didn't feel the need to go on a rebellious killing spree._

"Rose." I warned

_Don't go acting all noble because they were all killers. You still drank from them._

I rounded on her.

_So, are you going to attack me now?_ She raised an eyebrow.

"Let's not start pretending like you're an innocent Rosalie Hale." I approached her tree. "You may not have drunk from those men but you're still an assassin."

"Children, stop baiting each other. The situation is tense enough without the two of you complicating matters." Carlisle scolded Rosalie and me. I felt like a child but Rosalie took offense to the term. However, she stopped baiting me. "Behave yourselves or I will call your mother."

Alice stood up and began to pace. She wasn't accustomed to not seeing what was going on. The crucial decision hadn't been made yet. Her mind sat open and blank as she willed a vision to come. After a few more minutes of waiting in silence I made another move towards the building. Emmett stopped me in my tracks.

_You can't go down there._ He held my shoulders.

"I'm going to stop him." I growled.

"No, you're not." He planted himself firmly and prepared to fight me if necessary.

"What if this is the decision we're waiting on?" I raised an eyebrow at Emmett.

"It's not." Alice groaned and we watched as one of the males knocked Bella into a wall hard enough to send her through it.

"Fine, I won't go." I gritted my teeth and the vision of her going through the wall disappeared.

Alice's mind came alive with flashes of the dingy office. They flickered as if someone was in the process of making a decision.

_Here it comes._ She was relieved.

Emmett opened his mouth and I held my hand up. All of my attention was focused on Alice. She let out a shaky breath as soon as the image started.

Jasper lay on the floor; Bella sat hunched over in the floor a few feet away with her hand covering her neck. She still wore the over-sized suit. Bella's eyes were wide in either pain or shock. I couldn't tell which. She gasped for air and shook in fear or pain. She looked so tiny, like a child.

The image was both reassuring and frustrating. Jasper was not going to drain Bella but whether or not he had bitten her was still a mystery. Alice shook her head and tried to focus again. She was proud of Jasper but desperately need to see Bella's fate.

_There are just too many decisions!_ Alice growled and continued to stalk back and forth.

"Bella's alive but we can't tell if Jasper broke the skin or not." I filled the rest of the family in. "She has her hand over her throat but we can't tell if she's in pain or just shocked. We're waiting for her to move."

All three of them let out an unnecessary breath.

"Adrianna is going to stop him but she doesn't know at what point she's going to do it yet." Alice was disappointed. "It's either that or Jasper will have difficulty pulling away."

"You can't blame him for that." Emmett commented. _Don't look at me like that Edward._ "Bella's scent is very strong. I can't imagine resisting her blood with my teeth right at her throat."

"Please stop elaborating Emmett!" I yelled. "Trust me when I say that I understand exactly how hard it would be to have your _teeth _at her neck and not drink from her. Remember, I have had my mouth on her neck before. _I have tasted her blood._ I understand and appreciate what Jasper is going through more than anyone else does." I pulled my hands harshly through my hair. "I can't even express how grateful I am to him for being able to pull away. I just need to know that she's alright. I am loosing myself in this!"

"We are doing everything we can son." Carlisle sat me down on the ground. _You have to be patient. If she can be saved then we will save her. _"You need to hold your temper because it impairs your ability to make logical decisions. Remember, this happened when you first met Bella and then again on her eighteenth birthday. In both instances you made terrible rash decisions that kept you away from her and did more harm than good."

"I'm sorry." My apology was to everyone. "I'm just not rational where she's concerned."

"We've noticed." Alice smiled and suppressed a chuckled. I deserved that. "In case you haven't realized it, Jasper is the same way about me. Of course, I'm a lot less trouble than Bella."

"Yes, but you're high maintenance in your own way." I scoffed and she tossed a pine cone at my head. It was easily dodged.

"Yeah, well 'high maintenance' over here is keeping tabs on your girlfriend. So, watch it." Alice sat with her knees pulled up to her chest and rocked slightly.

"She' your best friend and your husband is in there with her in case you've forgotten. I doubt that you're going to stop watching." I rolled my eyes at the pixie.

"We're getting closer to the vision. Hopefully I'll get something soon." She sighed.

_I'm glad that you've allowed yourself to relax just a hair. Torturing yourself and the rest of us won't get her back any sooner._ Rosalie climbed down from the tree and took a seat next to Alice. _Right now, we just have to trust Jasper and wait. Everything hinges on him._

I nodded to Rosalie.

Emmett found another stick in the forest and began methodically removing the bark. The only thing to do was wait. Everyone's thoughts drifted around. Carlisle was the first to start remembering things about Bella. The x-ray of her skull on the day they met popped into his mind. I noticed him fighting a smile looking at all of the damage that her poor head had endured over a lifetime of clumsiness. Alice thought about dressing Bella up for the prom and many other times that she forced her to sit still long enough to apply make up and dress her in designer clothes. Emmett's memories of Bella were all ones that I wanted to avoid. Like everyone other than Rosalie, he was impressed with her the second they met. It just happened that they met at the ill-fated baseball game that initiated the encounter with James. Another was her eighteenth birthday when she thanked him without raising her voice even though he was outside. She was always a perfect fit for me and our family in his mind. Even when being chased by James she stood up to me and insisted on doing things with a plan. That was what Emmett liked most. I disliked the instances that he brought up but the sentiment brought a small smile to my face. Rosalie thought about any time Bella successfully stood up to me. For some reason that brought her a great amount of joy.

I remembered every kiss and every look. My life before Bella was dull, the year that I willingly left her was torture, and the three years that I thought she was dead were sheer emptiness. Knowing that she was hurting and just at the bottom of the hill presented a harder challenge than any of those. Jasper was down there but I selfishly wanted it to be me. I wanted to swoop in and whisk her away from danger but my brother was down there doing it for me.

Alice sat up straight and we all stopped to look at her.

Jasper would be dangerously close to inacting Alice's vision in a matter of seconds.


	15. Chapter 15 Time is the Enemy

**A/n: Sorry, Edward's POV is short again. Thanks for the reviews! I LOVE reviews and for the most part I try to respond these days.**

**I will tell you that there are reasons for a couple of things that I'm doing in this chapter and I need you to have just a little faith and stick with me until we hit the fight scene. There is a method to my madness and it might just grow on you. **

**Twilight belongs to Stephanie Meyer. I just like to play with her universe.**

**Music:**

**Evanescence, "Hello" and "Haunted"**

* * *

I shared a sigh with Alice when her vision cleared. Jasper had not necessarily had the strength to keep himself from sinking his teeth further into Bella but Adrianna stopped him before he sliced into her carotid artery. She was in shock and his teeth had damaged the skin slightly but Bella was alright.

"He didn't... Bella is fine." Alice informed the others without pulling out of her vision. She watched Bella and Jasper for a while longer. Her vision was in the very near future, only a few minutes away from occurring.

Bella giggled uncontrollably and tears streamed down her face as her foot tapped on the floor. One foot tapping became two feet pounding and the laughter intensified into full blown hysteria. Jasper sat frozen across from her and it took some studying to realize that he had been frozen. Since his ability was physical, it wouldn't work until he had some control over his body again. The two other vampires in the room stared at Bella.

Just as Bella's coloring started to be affected by lack of oxygen, Jasper straightened and calmed her instantly. She sagged onto the desk and cried softly but more calmly than before. He couldn't completely take away the emotion because he needed her to appear not to trust him and he couldn't risk being exposed as a spy. However, Jasper could keep her alive; he could keep things from being unbearable for her.

"How is Bella holding up?" Carlisle took in my reaction to the vision which must have been severe.

"Physically, she's fine. Jasper had to be stopped but that was to be expected. He did break the skin but he didn't draw blood. It was very close." I sighed again and tugged on my hair. Waiting and being out of control were wearing on me. "Emotionally, she's going to have a break down and laugh hysterically in a few minutes until she can't breathe. Jasper will still be frozen when she starts but he will get her calmed down before she passes out."

_He'll take care of her, don't worry. _Carlisle pulled me into a hug. _Bella is resilient, she'll be fine. No one is torturing her or trying to kill her at the moment. They haven't been overtly violent. She should be okay._

"She just looks so helpless." I groaned.

_That's because she __**is **__helpless you fool. _ Rosalie didn't bother to hide her thoughts.

"She has help. Jasper is there." Emmett attempted to reassure me.

I retreated back into Alice's mind.

Jasper was frighteningly good at playing the villain. He knew how this coven operated and that the two women were in charge; he also knew exactly how to get what he wanted out of them. Alice caught brief glimpses of his manipulation and when they decided to leave Bella alive and send Adrianna to arrange a meeting I relaxed. Bella was with Jasper and he would take care of her. She was safe. The plan was going to work. It appeared that Jasper was even going to attempt to work with Bella on her guilt and fear while they were trapped down there. He convinced Ari that he intended to brainwash Bella which gave him unlimited private time with her.

"Adrianna is coming up as soon as there's enough cloud cover." Alice looked up at Carlisle. "I think that we need to move the fight to after dark."

"Alice!" I knew why she wanted the fight moved, it would be safer to meet after dark in the open but that left Bella's arm without medical care longer.

"I know Edward. I wouldn't suggest it except for the fact that it will draw less attention from the locals," she indicated the town below, "if we wait for dark."

_She has a valid point._ Emmett shifted his weight. I glared at him. "Edward, I'm just saying that there's a practical advantage to doing this at night. I know that you're worried about her but you're not the only one!" _So pull your head out of your rear and listen._

"But her arm-" I started.

_Son-_ "The damage to her arm has already been done. Realistically, a little more time won't make a huge difference as to what I'm able to save. She won't loose the hand." _We just need to keep her alive and avoid notice._ Carlisle paced a bit. "So we wait for dark." He confirmed with Alice.

My heart broke. Time was my enemy and Carlisle had just agreed to add more of it. This hill was rather rapidly moving from being merely purgatory to a full blown circle of hell. I growled and resumed pacing.

_Arrogant much? _Rosalie folded her arms and settled back to wait. I ignored her and continued to wear a path in the ground between the trees.

When the clouds descended again in the late afternoon the small dark haired figure whom we had been expecting made her way up the hill. Adrianna was alone but the situation was hardly dangerous for her. Ari still had Bella and Adrianna could drop any of us to the ground on her own. We knew how this would pan out but that didn't stop the venom from pooling in my mouth and my body from tensing. Adrianna was a dangerous creature and she couldn't be trusted. I involuntarily sunk into a crouch as did Emmett.

_Oh please lover-boy, like you could fight me and live._ She smirked and her eyes met mine while she climbed. Her hair swirled almost unnaturally around her as she picked up her pace. _Stupid lot of human loving idiots, it's just unnatural, that's what it is... It'll serve them right when their little pet comes running back to us after they give up the area for her._

I attempted to keep myself from snarling at the little vampire, or worse yet, springing onto her. It was time to pretend like I didn't know her intentions. We all had a part to play, myself included.

"Greetings." Carlisle spoke at a normal volume even though she was still far off. She heard him and inclined her head.

_That one must be Carlisle, fits the description. _"I come to arrange a meeting. Please do not force me to stun any of you." She folded her arms across her chest and came to stop a few feet away from Carlisle.

"A meeting?" Carlisle cocked an eyebrow and mimicked her stance.

"It's come to our attention that we have something that you want and you have something that we want." She smirked. "A trade could be beneficial to both covens."

"What is it that your coven has that you think we want?" Carlisle played it cool. We all stood unnaturally still and tried not to play human. In order to get respect from vampires one must act like a vampire, not a human. I found not fidgeting difficult as it was a staple in my day to day life in order to fit into human society.

"We have the girl. I think her name is Bella?" She feigned ignorance. "I have it on very good authority that you'll exchange anything for her."

"That all depends on whether or not she's been damaged." Carlisle focused intently on Adrianna.

"I assure you that she is largely unharmed." There was mirth in her voice. Adrianna wanted to feed off of Bella but could see a use in keeping her alive. Her imagination was vivid. I let out a low growl.

"If you've hurt her-" I threatened.

"I assure you that there has been no physical harm. You must be Edward, her lover, or not exactly her lover." She winked. _This is going to be fun, I wonder if I can get him to attack..._

_Don't let her get to you. _Carlisle warned.

"Yes, I'm Edward." I snapped and stepped up next to Carlisle. "How do we know that you haven't hurt her?"

"You don't." Her eyebrow twitched. "Although it seems that the greatest danger to her is your own 'brother'. I had to pull him off of her. Old habits die hard and she just smells so good. It's been difficult but your precious pet is safe I assure you." _His obsession with her is sick. I know that we pick on Ari for playing with her food but this is just plain ridiculous._

"What Edward means to say," Carlisle's tone was hard and he spoke through a set jaw, "is that we won't be entering into any negotiations until I've been given the opportunity to examine her. We know that she was injured prior to her abduction and she needs medical attention. There will be no meeting unless this happens."

"Fine with me," _although I really don't know why you haven't bothered to just change her. _"Give us until nightfall."

"Nightfall?" Carlisle did his job well, he certainly sounded outraged. Pretending like he was acquiescing to their request would make it more likely for us to set the meeting place.

"Nightfall._" What can I stall with to give Jasper some more time to brainwash her. " _The _snack_ is sleeping." Adrianna looked down the hill to their warehouse.

"Fine, but we meet here." Carlisle demanded.

"Agreed." She nodded and retreated down the hill. We watched her walk all the way to the warehouse before letting out a collective sigh of relief.

"Just a couple more hours." Emmett looked at the sky. He began getting agitated and pacing across the tree line. "I get Adrianna."

"Not without me you don't baby." Rosalie shook her head. Emmett shot her a murderous glare. "She's already knocked you out once. I think that you might need some assistance. Don't be a baby about it, I just think that two of us will be better than one."

"Alice-"

_I know, you want me to help you with Ari and Colin. It's the only way to get an advantage over the two of them._ Her thoughts cut me off. She smiled. "Jasper will want to take Mark and you and I will take Ari and Colin." She said for the benefit of the others.

"Are you sure that you don't need me to fight?" Carlisle ran a hand though his hair.

"No, Bella will need you. We'll be over the six hours that we planned for by then and her hand will most likely be in danger." I pinched the bridge of my nose. Bella was hurt and she might still loose some feeling or mobility in the hand because the ace bandage was cutting off blood flow, not to mention that it wasn't sterile and the wound hadn't been cleaned properly. Infection was another thing to worry about.

"So, I'm going to take Bella and run." _I just wanted to make sure._

"You're the only one who can help her." I asserted. "Even if one of us could take her to the ER we wouldn't be able to resist her blood once the bandage was removed."

_Speak for yourself._ Rosalie snorted. _I could resist but you need me to fight._

I shot Rose a dark look. Carlisle might be a bit of a pacifist but I was positive that he learned how to fight in his time with the Volturi. I couldn't confirm whether or not it was true but he had once or twice mentally corrected my form while I sparred with Jasper and Emmett. He knew what to do in a fight. Carlisle was the right choice for Bella but not necessarily for the rest of us. If Carlisle fought we could be guaranteed a victory; without him we would manage but the fight would be more difficult. Jasper knew that when he came up with the plan. I could see it in Alice's mind. Bella could not remain on the battlefield. If she did, she would die in one of a myriad of ways that Alice had already seen during the planning process.

_I could call Esme._ Carlisle volunteered.

"Make the decision and let's see what happens." I suggested. Alice shot me an incredulous look before crossing her arms and waiting for her vision to change.

Bella was lying somewhere in the woods her eyes closed her hair fanned out around her head. Something seemed wrong with her though she was too still. Then I noticed that her sleeve was rolled to the elbow, the bandage had been removed from her arm, and blood covered the shirt that I had wrapped her in before she was taken from me. The suit coat she wore a few hours earlier was clutched in her other hand with the ace bandage. In Spite of the gruesome image her face looked peaceful like she'd just laid down to rest.

"I don't know what you just changed but put it back." Alice growled.

Carlisle blinked before sliding his phone back into his pocket. "What happened?"

_Did Alice just growl at Carlisle?_ Emmett's eyes went wide with shock. Alice, although often hyper was rarely more than playfully violent and never argued with Carlisle. I nodded, confirming his suspicion.

"I don't know how calling Esme to help would cause that." I shook the image from my head. It wasn't the most disturbing of the day but it was traumatic nonetheless.

"The plan stands, no more alterations." Alice shuddered. "We only have one way out."


	16. Chapter 16 The Calm Before

**A/n: Sorry for the delays lately.... these in between chapters although necessary are difficult to write and I have to finish writing this mini musical that I'm working on (because we perform in OCTOBER ) AND one of my friends loaned me a copy of ****The Host****... yeah... that wasn't distracting at all!**

**Thank you all so much for your reviews. **

**Twilight belongs to Stephanie Meyer, I am not nearly that cool.**

**Okay, this chapter sucked until.... I stumbled upon a piece of music, Jason Isbell's In a Razor Town kind of pulled this chapter from the back of my mind and made it much better than the whinny Edward wants to go fight drivel that it threatened to turn into. Seriously, go pull it up on YouTube while you read.**

**Jason Isbell, In a Razor Town**

**Jason Isbell, When the Well Runs Dry**

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The sun was never going to set. I watched it hover in the sky and willed it to drop more slowly to the horizon. The faster it went, the faster I could make Bella safe. It was odd that those words came to mind because this was nothing like Phoenix. The situation was different. I didn't have time then and here at the top of this hill I had what seemed like an eternity. It was merely a few hours but those few hours stretched on like years. I had been able to run to her before but this plan dictated that I wait and so I waited.

Alice watched the sun stalled in the sky along with me. She continued to occupy her mind by watching Jasper and Bella. She opted to focus on the very near future and was able to watch their conversation almost as it happened. Her estimate was that we were only a few seconds ahead. I cling to her mind as my sanity. Bella was safe with Jasper; he wouldn't allow any harm to come to her and I knew that. I was still pacing though because I wanted to be down there.

"Edward?" Alice cut off her vision momentarily.

"Yeah." I stopped moving and stared at the dirt path that I'd worn into the ground. I expected more bad news.

_Bella is about to stop editing her relationship with Jacob. She knows that we're listening. I don't know if you really want that kind of information but if you do..._ Alice trailed off staring at her cold stone hands.

"She knows that you're watching?" I verified.

"Yeah." She whispered twisting a piece of grass in her fingers.

Jasper had brought up Phoenix with Bella and warned her not to try anything like that again. She promised him that she wouldn't but I didn't feel like she really meant it. If Bella could find a way to protect everyone else with that frail little body of hers, then she would do it regardless of any promise that she'd made. I suddenly had a very strong desire to wrap her in bubble wrap and lock her away someplace safe.

_Do you want to hear it?_ Alice persisted.

I nodded my head and she plunged us back into the yellowed dusty office.

"I don't blame Edward because I blame myself and that has everything to do with Jacob Black." Bella gave a large heavy sigh. Her shoulders shook slightly and it made my heart burn with an ache that I could only relieve by going to her but I couldn't. I was hopeless and worthless on the top of this hill. I kicked a rock.

"What did you do to Jacob Bella?" I blocked Jasper out, he was using his usual soothing tone that blended into the background. It was effective for asking difficult questions without putting someone on the defensive. He was so much better at this than I was. I took one last undisturbed breath before she launched into her narrative.

The pain in Bella's voice was completely unbearable. I had known that the relationship with Jacob was more than she wanted any of us to know about but I had no idea how much pain it had caused her. This wound was as deep as the one that I caused but I couldn't shake the feeling that it was still my fault. What happened to Jacob was fall-out from my mistakes and Bella blamed herself.

She had loved that boy, and he was a boy, more than she realized. She just loved me more. He had apparently handled it rather gracefully and taken care of my Bella anyway until that night. Bella described it in more detail than I care to remember. She was freezing to death and he stripped her down and crawled into the sleeping bag with her to warm her cold skin. I longed to be able to do that for her but I never could. That was the one thing that I could never give Bella, warmth.

Jacob behaved the way that any hot blooded American werewolf would. They had been dating for a while, and he could touch her without hurting her so he made a move, but Bella rejected him. If he had still been alive when she told her story I would have told him how much I admired his restraint and strength for telling her that they could take things slowly, that he would wait. I suddenly felt slightly better about having left her. Jacob Black and Bella Swan would have had a chance at a normal life together, or at least as normal of a life as Bella was capable of experiencing. It would have taken years but she might have accepted him eventually.

Then she said it. Bella called my name in her sleep while he held her. It wasn't her fault but he hadn't deserved that. He put his whole heart into her and she couldn't do the same for him. The closest approximation to the relationship that she and I shared was the imprinting experienced by certain wolves. Separation was painful and impossible to get over; I haunted her dreams even after I was gone for so long. I said a silent apology to Jacob. Bella by all rights should have been his but I was there and the draw was too strong.

I understood the rage that he experienced and admired this boy's ability to control his emotions and keep Bella safe from himself. I couldn't say that I would have been as gentle or as patient as he was had I been the one holding her while she slept, curled into her soft form, smelling her freesia and strawberry scent when she moaned another man's name. I would have left in search of the other man and riped him to shreds and I knew it. However, this man-child allowed her to sleep and tried to talk to her about it in the morning. To top it all off he didn't leave her, he continued to protect her. I would never disrespect another werewolf again.

"You want to know why I feel guilty about loving Edward? Jacob Black is why I feel guilty about loving Edward. I couldn't love him because Edward has and always will have my heart and soul. I can't deny that. Edward pulls me like gravity." Her shoulders hunched slightly inward and I felt my body involuntarily mimic hers. She didn't want to love me, she was trapped.

"I can't stay away from him and I hate myself for it. The problem is that when I'm with him is the only time that I feel good; it's the only time that I'm truly happy. It's horribly unhealthy and I should hate him and yell and scream at him but I can't. I tried being mad but I only lasted around eight hours and then he got on my bike. You and I both know what happened then." My thoughts wandered to the sensation of my body wrapped around hers on the bike. The flutter of her heart and the soaring feeling of just being near her. I watched her shudder as she remembered the contact too.

"I couldn't even lie to myself because I knew that you knew what I was feeling and by proxy Edward had to know. Sometimes, being surrounded by supernatural beings really sucks." It was unfair that I had access to Jasper and Alice and that I asked for that information about her. It was cowardly, I wanted to know how she felt without declaring my own feelings. I was no worse than those awkward teenage boys at Forks High School who waited and then asked her out only when they thought that they were safe. The guilt was overwhelming.

However, the pain eased when she declared herself. "I do love him and I can't deny that. He's like a basic need for me; he needs a place on Maslow's ladder where I'm concerned. Being away from him isn't an option."

I secretly wondered where I ranked n Maslow's hierarchy of needs and promised myself that I would discover this information later. Bella slipped back into anger when Jasper defended me and let her know the depth of my feelings for her. I don't know why she argued with him; she had to know how I felt. I told her as often as I could but there was the one lie before I left her. It was amazing the amount of damage that one lie could do.

Then, Jasper stole everything that I wanted to say to her. She didn't see that this boy would have loved her anyway. She couldn't fathom the draw that she had and that she inspired incredibly fierce loyalty. Bella couldn't help it. She was too good and we would follow her to the ends of the Earth. Jasper told her this in his own words. He may not have convinced her of the facts but he did seem to get her to understand that this was not solely her fault.

_He really is amazing isn't he?_ Alice looked up and I agreed with her. Jasper had made some significant headway with Bella.

Then, Jasper did it... he launched into an explanation of our current situation.

"Edward isn't going to like this..." Jasper was right, Edward didn't like this. Edward was angry that Jasper would consider explaining the gravity of the situation to Bella. Edward was upset enough that he was thinking about himself in the third person!

I stopped. Surely Jasper had a good reason for explaining the impending battle that awaited us this evening and it had better be good because Bella was going to fret about it until it happened. This only gave her time to plan something stupidly heroic. I fretted and resumed pacing.

_Edward, he needs her to know. There is going to be some acting required on her part and she may handle things better if she knows exactly how bad the worst case scenario is if this coven isn't destroyed. _Alice looked up and I hesitated on one step before pacing again.

"Alice, this is Bella we're talking about."

"Edward, this is Jasper we're talking about."

"But-"

"No! You need to stop turning into a complete lunatic anytime she's in danger." Alice stood back from me just far enough for our eyes to meet without straining. "Bella is perfectly sensible so long as you are. The problem is that you get scared and you push. If she trusts us and trusts the plan she'll stick to it."

We stared at each other and listened to Jasper explain southern vampire history, including his own role, and how that affected her. Emmett huffed behind us while Carlisle called Esme to check on the werewolves and Rosalie busied herself with something mindless on her phone. Alice and I continued our staring match until I quickly broke eye contact looking at the horizon. The sun had shifted low enough to cast an orange glow across the valley.

_Not long now. _ Carlisle hung up with Esme and stood. He dusted himself off and folded his arms.

"I can do this." Bella's words rang through Alice's memory.

"She can do this." Alice reaffirmed.

The door to the warehouse opened and four vampires stalked out taking a defensive posture. Jasper followed, gently guiding Bella in front of him. The light from the sunset had turned a warm purple. Bella's coloring was a stark contrast to the vampires surrounding her. The group proceeded at a human pace up the hill. Jasper kept an arm around Bella's shoulders and caught her every time she slipped on the grass.

Emmett moved to my side and clapped a hand on my shoulder. _I know, because if that were Rosalie that I would want to do the same but you can't run down there right now. We need darkness and level ground. You have to wait. 'Operation Save Bella' depends on it._

"'Operation Save Bella'?" I turned to him.

"Like it? I do." His grin spread from ear to ear.

I shook my head. Emmett was in a jovial mood but the prospect of fighting, play or otherwise had always excited him. Carlisle had already begun assessing Bella's condition even though he couldn't see her hand up close or get a feel for it's coloring in the fading light.

_Edward, in case you don't know, she's pretending to hate you. _ Jasper thought as soon as he knew I could hear him clearly.

They stopped a few feet in front of us. Bella sheepishly looked up at me from under her hair. She studied me as carefully as I studied her. I cataloged every detail. She seemed to be in less pain but her right hand was turning blue as Alice had predicted and she held the arm over her chest to protect it. Her eyes swept my body in the same way that mine had swept over hers, she would find no damage or defect and she knew it. Did she know that her chances of survival were limited. I didn't recall Jasper telling her how many scenarios we had to get through in order to find just one that offered her a chance of survival. She dug her teeth into her lower lip and I supressed the urge to run the few yards that stood between us and hold her.

"Alright, you've seen her, let's talk about terms." Adrianna sneered.

_That's not the deal, Carlisle was supposed to see her first. _Emmett's grip on my shoulder tightened just to the point of causing pain.

_That's not going to work, Carlisle has to have her in his arms before we fight. _ Jasper warned with wide eyes.

But Carlilse had it under control.

"No, the agreement was that I got to examine her before any deals were made." He stepped forward to collect my Bella. She relaxed and took a small step toward him.


	17. Chapter 17 A Dangerous Night

**A/N: Sorry for the delay. I need to thank LJ Summers and her son for going over this chapter and preventing Rosalie from having two husbands. She agreed that one Emmett was enough for her. So, this is the long awaited fight scene. I hope that it's everything that y'all have been waiting for. Thank you all for the reviews!  
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**Twilight and all related content belongs to Stephanie Meyer. I am so not her.**

**Surreal as it is, I wrote part of this listening to "Spies" by ColdPlay**

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Bella let go of all intent of keeping up the ruse and ran a few steps before jumping into Carlisle's arms. As soon as Carlisle had her Jasper attacked Mark. Rosalie and Emmett donned their gloves and broke off to separate Adrianna from the group while Alice and I went for Ari and Colin. We had the element of surprise and none of them went for Bella. Alice moved like a dancer, swift and graceful. She watched as Ari made decisions and skirted around slipping through her grasp. Ari matched Alice's grace with her own. They could have been performing intricate choreography. I found that Colin for all of his bulk was graceful as well. He was definitely a fighter and very light on his feet.

Colin and Ari fed each other a series of images while they fought. They stood back to back and orbited around a central point behind them while Alice and I circled from the outside. They were like one being with four arms and four legs, perfectly in sync. Had it not been lethal it would have been a thing of beauty. Colin leaned back to dodge my fist and Ari used his back for leverage to kick at Alice with greater force. Alice stepped swiftly to the side of the intended blow and caught the leg. With a flick of her wrists she flipped the female over onto the ground and pounced onto her back. I took the opportunity to change the path of my circle and stepped between Colin and Ari. I forced him several feet away from his mate who had already jumped to her feet flipping Alice off of her back. I watched Colin lunge at me a second before he did it and I ducked rolling him off my back and into a tree. It creaked from the force of the blow.

I looked up to realize that Carlisle was penned in. He had not made it out with Bella quickly enough. Unknowingly, we expanded the fight in a ring around them. He searched frantically for an opening but found none. Bella clutched his shirt in her fist with her left hand in fear and panic. This was not a safe location for anyone, least of all her. Bella's fragility and terrible luck made her position in Carlisle's arms at the center of a battle between two covens of vampires the most dangerous place outside of Volterra that she could possibly have found. The words, 'danger magnet' echoed through my brain. I foolishly turned from my battle, leaving Alice to watch my back. I searched for a way to help Carlisle and couldn't readily find a solution.

_Bella Swan, you will be the death of me._

"Edward!" _Edward_! Alice's screech shook me on multiple levels. She was screaming both physically and mentally; her vision allowed me a split second to react and turn before Colin's arms could reach my torso.

"Edward!_" You can't leave Alice you fool! I need you there!_ Jasper yelled over Mark's head.

I shifted as I turned and knocked Colin's arms to the side, exposing it and trapping his arms away from me. I couldn't abandon my position to rescue Bella and Carlisle. I cursed and ripped at Colin's shoulder with my teeth. Colin rounded and landed an elbow into my side. His back spun to meet Ari's and the two turned in a sickening circle. Alice and I moved with them, working in tandem to try and separate the two again. Alice and I both made a concerted effort not to come too close to Carlisle. Together, Colin and Ari were unstoppable. Our advantage lay in the fact that Alice could see their decisions and I could hear their thoughts. So long as their actions remained strategic rather than instinctive, they didn't have an advantage over the two of us. My decisions as well as theirs fed Alice a constant stream of visions that kept us one step ahead in the fight. Alice didn't have to read our minds, she just had to watch the future.

Jasper grappled with Mark but neither of them could gain enough leverage on the other to rip off a limb with brute force or use their teeth to sever one from the body. He grunted with exertion and Mark flew a few feet. Jasper took a moment to shoot a murderous glare in my direction before jumping onto the muscular blonde.

_I told you, Jasper's just like you. He's probably still screaming at you inside his head._ Alice was correct, Jasper was still fuming. She landed a sidekick into Ari's chest that pushed Ari into Colin. The action brought his chest in contact with my waiting fist. He was stunned him long enough for me to run my teeth across his shoulder again. It was a slow process but I was forced to take what I could in the fight.

I had to find help for Bella.

Rosalie and Emmett fought Adrianna together. The tiny vampire would have been no match for just one of them had it not been for her ability. She flailed like a helpless girl trying to get a hand on any portion of bare flesh she could find. Emmett and Rosalie deftly stepped around her. The two wore long pants with long sleeved shirts and gloves. Their shirt collars were turned up to cover as much skin as they could. Adrianna had to touch a neck or a face in order to gain the upper hand. Rosalie and Emmett were engaged in an intricate dance around her. Rose moved like a dancer swirling from one side to the other and placing blows while carefully keeping her face clear of those dangerous hands. Emmett's strategy was more up front than Rose's; he would knock Adrianna's arms to the side and make a grab for one part of her body or another. She would always come dangerously close to touching him. Of the five of us, he seemed in the best position to help Carlisle. He hadn't noticed that Carlisle and Bella failed to depart.

I saw Alice find an opening to separate the lovers and I took it. Colin and Ari had a miscommunication and temporarily shifted away from each other's backs. Alice and I pulled into the gap created and drove the two back away from each other.

A squeak came from Bella as Carlisle spun to avoid Jasper and Mark. Carlisle gave me a pleading glance. He was completely helpless to do anything with her in his arms and she would be dead in moments if he set her down. He evaded the rest of us as best he could when we found ourselves thrown or stepping into the center of the circle but his luck could only last so long.

"Emmett!" I yelled at my hulking brother. "Help Carlisle!"

Rosalie locked eyes with her husband and nodded. The two maneuvered together; Emmett faked to one side while Rosalie spun around and the two forced Adrianna out of the way. Carlisle only needed the opening for a few seconds to successfully escape. He bolted with Bella clutched firmly to his chest and took off back into the woods. I didn't have time to stare back at her but I could feel her watching me as they faded into the trees.

Colin took advantage of my momentary distraction and lunged. He pinned me to the ground. I kicked my legs up and managed to force him onto his side preventing his teeth from meeting my neck. He grunted with exertion as he tried to push me back over. I felt my arm start to give and quickly pulled my knees into my chest to shove him back away from me. His grip broke from my arms when I kicked his chest and we jumped to our feet. He started to circle again and form a strategy. I had to keep him from regaining his preferred fighting position next to Ari. He wanted to get to her. Alice and I danced very carefully keeping the two as far from each other as we could.

Adrianna spun away from Rosalie and laid her hand directly onto Emmett's cheek. He fell like a brick. I didn't have the opportunity to see what happened next because I found myself having to focus solely on Colin. He had stopped thinking. Without Ari guarding his back he had no need to plan ahead and he acted solely on instinct. I refused to let him circle back to Ari. We stepped from side to side mirroring each other. He dove at me and bit into my left shoulder. The venom burned into my arm but I was able to shove his face off of the shoulder and land a spinning back kick to his chest.

A high screech and a metallic ripping sounded from behind me but I couldn't look. Colin was up on his feet again. I quickly checked on Alice through her thoughts to find that she had ripped off Ari's right arm at the shoulder. The appendage wriggled on the ground behind me. Colin looked up and I took the opportunity to tackle him. He fell with a solid thud that shook the ground and I sunk my teeth into his neck, slicing his head cleanly from his body before he could react. I made quick work of dismembering the rest of his body and turned.

Alice and Ari continued to circle but Alice's thoughts indicated that she could handle the female on her own. Emmett lay motionless on the ground. Jasper and Mark were still locked together, arms on shoulders each attempted to pull a knee up and gain enough leverage to damage the other. Then, I noticed that someone was missing. Rosalie was gone, as was Adrianna.

I felt Alice's mind turn from the task at hand into a vision. It pulled her completely from her fight and she stopped stock-still where she stood. Jasper and I both reacted without thought. I turned and charged Ari at the same moment that Jasper flipped Mark to the side, breaking his grip and rolling him partway down the hill. Jasper left Mark to protect Alice. Although I reached Ari first I was forced to turn and chase Mark as he sprung back up the hill and made a b-line for the trees.

Alice's vision caught me before I reached Mark. Bella stood in a clearing behind Esme and Carlisle. The couple crouched low in front of her facing the trees. Bella's compression bandage had been removed and she held the wound on her right arm with her left hand applying as much pressure as she could. The suit jacket was thrown over her left arm and the vision looked too similar to Alice's most recent one of Bella bloodied and on the ground.

I only partially heard Jasper finish dismembering Ari before I took off for the clearing. I recognized it as where I left Jasper, Emmett, and the werewolves to fight earlier. The vision had to be several minutes off; I abandoned chasing Mark to run. Alice recovered and ran behind me but I left her in the dust. The plan was suddenly seeming a lot less brilliant as I flew past trees. I caught a scent off to my left, Rosalie and Adrianna.

"Alice!" I called behind me.

_I'm with you._ Her mind called from behind me. I continued toward the clearing for a moment before turning to meet Alice and follow Rosalie. It wasn't what I wanted to do but after some thought there was no way that I could leave Rosalie and Alice to fight by themselves. If something happened to either of them then I wouldn't have to worry about what I would do if something happened to Bella because I would be ash. Bella had Carlisle and Esme to protect her and with any luck one of the wolves would have recovered enough to help by the time she needed protection. I ran ahead of Alice again and grudgingly followed the trail which weaved in and out of trees and doubled back on itself several times before Rosalie was close enough to hear her thoughts. I watched the fight in her mind while I ran.

"_Oh that is it! Bring it." _Rosalie baited Adrianna. _I've had enough of this! No tramp in twenty dollar shoes picks on my husband's manhood and lives to talk about it._

Rosalie spun around and landed a fist into Adrianna's back. Adrianna groaned and reached her arm up to Rosalie. The action forced my sister to dodge to the side. She growled in frustration. She stepped in an intricate sideways pattern trying to predict her opponent's next move. Adrianna lunged thrusting her hands in front of her and Rosalie carefully sidestepped the little vampire. Rosalie threw a punch that went wide and Adrianna ripped at her arm, Rosalie's sleeve tore.

_She ripped it! She just ripped my favorite shirt!_

She retrieved the arm quickly before skin contact was made and cursed. Adrianna smiled sweetly at her before launching a new offensive that Rosalie anticipated perfectly.

If Rosalie could hold out just a bit longer Alice and I would be there. I pushed my pace and caught a glimpse of the two of them through the trees. Rosalie took one wrong step she went right instead of left and Adrianna reached her hand up to my sister's face. Rosalie dropped like a rag doll. Adrianna heard my approach and smirked at me before running off. I grabbed Rosalie and propped her up against a tree before Alice caught up.

She looked wide eyed around the clearing. _Where is she Edward? The future is shifting again. _

"Adrianna ran off." I explained and Alice shook her head. It took a moment before her thoughts sunk in and I thought about what she was saying. "What's shifted Alice?"

"There are two differences."

_The first is more of a clarification but I'm positive that this __**will**__ happen. _Alice went back to the series of images she showed me when she and Jasper found Bella and formulated the plan. The first three she flew past but she paused on the fourth:

Bella stood outside somewhere with her hair blowing, her eyes were closed. Alice hovered on the image and I noticed that the sky behind her was overcast and that I had been correct before in thinking that something about her skin didn't look right. It was too perfect.

_Do you see that? I don't think that she's human. Look at the next one:_

Bella and I standing in a meadow, the image seemed the same as the last time Alice showed it to me until she focused on my hand on Bella's cheek. There was a ring on my finger. The vision changed and Bella paused before the kiss. Her eyes opened lazily and they weren't brown but red.

_Here's the second, it's just a continuation of what we saw before_:

Esme and Carlisle crouched in front of Bella again. The vision went further and showed Adrianna emerge from the trees.

"Go Edward." _I think that you may have to change Bella to save her. I'll take care of Rosalie._

I was on my feet and careening through the trees after Adrianna in a flash.

This was what I wanted; I had been thinking about it all week but the visions refused to come. Had Bella made up her mind, or was I about to violate her free will?

I knew where Adrianna was going but the forest was unfamiliar and I didn't know a faster way to get to the clearing. I was forced to follow her. I don't know how she managed it but Adrianna laid two trails. I chose the wrong one. I should have been able to catch her before she reached the clearing but instead I found myself staring at the river. I splashed the water with my foot and doubled back to find her second trail, the real one. It was hidden well. She took advantage of a game trail and some areas where she and her coven had been previously to mask her scent.

I ran hoping that I wouldn't be too late.

I was not prepared for the sight that met me when I finally reached the clearing. Carlisle and Bella laid motionless on the ground, Rachel crouched in wolf form over the remains of Adrianna, and Esme sat a few feet away from Bella with her hands over her mouth. She rocked back and forth like a small scared child and Quil stared at her in shock. Their thoughts rushed at me.

_I need fire! Fire now vampire!_

_What have I done? What have I done? What have I done?...._

_She bit her. Edward, she bit her...._

_Edward, is her heart still beating? You need to see if it's beating. I can't hear it from here._

Rachel slammed into my leg and demanded fire once more. I quickly grabbed some pine straw from the forest floor and lit it before walking away and leaving Rachel to burn the pieces that remained of Adrianna. Then it dawned on me. Carlisle, Esme, and Quil's thoughts focused on Bella, not Rachel. I was beside her pale form without thinking.

Bella mewled softly. Her heartbeat was faint but present. I smoothed the hair back from her forehead and then I noticed it. A crescent shaped bite stood out on her neck. I looked down at her arm and noticed that the wound there no longer bled. I pulled her into my arms and the world stopped spinning, time ceased. Bella was changing. Her back gently arched and she whimpered again; her skin was hot and perspiration dotted her entire body.

"Her heart is still beating." I finally remembered to confirm. Esme crumbled into a ball and sobbed and Carlisle mentally sighed in relief. I ignored Quil and Rachel for the moment. This was not something that I was prepared to see and I needed more time to take in the situation before explaining it.

"Edward, the fire, I'm burning." Bella's voice was weak and pained. I pulled her closer. "I'm on fire, put it out." She cried.

"I can't love. I can't put it out. It's not real fire, it's venom." I spoke into her hair. It only faintly carried the smell of strawberries under the smell of river water. I longed to hold her all day, to know that she was alright, but not like that. Bella seemed to understand my words, she gave me a slight nod and her face contorted back into a grimace.

_The clearing, he would have taken her to the clearing._ I heard Jasper's mind long before his feet or his voice.

"Carlisle!" He shouted still quite a way off.

"Over here Jasper!" I called back. It only took Jasper a moment to reach my side and crouch down. Emmett wasn't far behind him.

"Where are the -?" Emmett stopped mid question and dropped to the ground next to us.

_Is she...?_ I shook my head at Emmett.

"What happened?" Jasper looked from Bella to Esme.

Esme finally looked up and her eyes were tinged to a more ocher shade than topaz and I knew what had happened. She ran over the memory in her mind.

Adrianna stalked out of the forest toward her and Carlisle. They advanced on her to protect Bella but Adrianna successfully faked an attack on Esme to catch Carlisle off guard. Neither of them were prepared when Adrianna's hand grazed his cheek. Esme's vision went red. She pummeled the brunette and fought her a small way from Carlisle. Esme was unaware of Bella's stance behind her and didn't watch where she led the fight. Adrianna knocked her to the side and advanced on Bella before she could get to her feet.

Less than a second after Adrianna sent Bella flying across the clearing with a blow to her back, Rachel phased and ripped the vampire to shreds. Esme ran to Bella. Her landing was anything but soft and she was barely breathing but still conscious. Esme bent over her and frantically looked for any help she could offer. Bella took in a slow, ragged breath before speaking.

"I'm cold Esme." She whispered and gasped for more air; she grimaced as she attempted to suck in enough air to speak again.

"Be still, be still." Esme rubbed Bella's arms.

"Don't let me die. Change me." Her voice was weak and difficult for even Esme to make out. Esme protested. She shook her head vehemently until Bella uttered, "Edward." and finally, "do it" before she closed her eyes.

Esme panicked. Carlisle was incapacitated and she had no medical training or experience but Bella definitely thought that she was dying. She certainly seemed to be fading away quickly. Her heart rate was slowing and her breathing became more shallow.

_I can't loose her again. _Esme thought before leaning down and biting into the soft skin of Bella's neck. She drew in Bella's blood and lost herself to the sensation, it was too overwhelming for her. She swallowed again and then Bella went rigid in her arms. Esme stopped and scrambled back from her.

When Esme looked up at me her eyes were filled with sadness. _What have I done?_

"She asked you." The words escaped my lips but offered little in the way of comfort. My tone was flat and lifeless.

"Esme, did you?" Jasper was the first to put the scene together. He touched the bite mark on Bella's neck before looking up at our mother.

She sat up from disheveled heap and nodded to him. _I had to._

"I know." I responded to her mental voice again.

_We're almost there Edward._ Alice approached from the South. It was a different direction than Adrianna had led me. She showed me an image of myself cradling Bella in my arms to indicate that she knew what was going on.

"Alice and Rose are coming." I didn't move my eyes from Bella's face.

"Good, we need to get her out of her and get to someplace secluded." Jasper's hand sat squarely on my shoulder. "It's not likely that we'll go undiscovered for three days here."

Jasper made preparations for us to move. He and Emmett fashioned a stretched and coaxed Quil onto it. Emmett relinquished his shirt to Rachel who phased and gladly wrapped the large article of clothing around her body. I sat and held Bella. Carlisle shocked me when he came to and laid a hand on top of mine.

"It's time to go son."

I nodded and collected Bella up in my arms to carry her to the jeep and take her home. There was no way that I would leave her side again. We set a swift pace back to the cars and I tuned out the entire world, including Alice.


	18. Chapter 18 Siberia

**A/N Sorry for the wait! RL is a bit busy and still requiring that I work on other writing projects. Explanations about the fight will have to wait until next chapter when everyone can sit down and have a chat together.**

**Stephanie Meyer owns Twilight, I'm not that cool.**

**Music:**

**Venice is Sinking: "Compass", "Ryan's Song", "Undecided", and "Okay"**

**(Use their web page to find the music, not YouTube)**

* * *

I don't know how long the drive back to the house took. Bella lay in my arms burning up and limp. She occasionally let out a whimper or jerked involuntarily but overall she remained quiet and her heartbeat was strong and constant. Emmett focused solely on the road. I could see only the path ahead of him in his mind. He was being kind.

_Edward._ Jasper turned his head from the windshield to look at me in the back seat. _I know that it's not the way that either one of you wanted it to happen but there is more good than bad in this situation._

"I know Jasper." I pulled Bella closer to my chest and adjusted her body across the seat.

"At least she had the opportunity to choose." Emmett chimed in. "She's not going to be as upset." _Rosalie won't be ticked off either since she was dying._ He raised an eyebrow at the rear view mirror for emphasis. I caught the gesture and gave him a weak smile.

"I'm worried about her." I admitted.

"There's nothing new there." Emmett grinned from ear to ear. _I'm positive that you even worried about her when you thought she was dead._

I half-heartedly scowled at him. Emmett was trying very hard to lift my mood. Jasper apparently didn't feel that it was necessary.

_Are you going to allow yourself to be happy when this is over? _Jasper kept his eyes forward this time.

"Would the two of you like to continue this conversation out loud?" I couldn't hide my irritation.

"I was just inquiring as to whether or not our dear brother would allow himself to be happy now that Bella is going to be safe and essentially unbreakable." Jasper filled Emmett in.

"Well, I wasn't being helpful so much as commenting on his general state of worry and his flair for the dramatic." Emmett tried to hide his smirk.

"Are the two of you finished?"

"Not by a long shot." Emmett shook his head. "You my dear brother are about to have everything you've ever wanted and you're not happy about it. Most guys in your position would actually be able to crack a smile but not you. Instead, you're sitting back there grousing like an old woman because it didn't work out the way that you wanted."

I groaned. Emmett and Jasper were actually going to continue to psychoanalyze me for the rest of the drive. I should have ridden with Alice.

"She's in pain."

"You're not fooling anyone." Jasper grumbled. "You're worried about her soul, admit it."

"So what if I am? Can you tell me that you wouldn't be upset in my situation?" I shot daggers at the back of his seat with my eyes.

"We are what we are and you have to let it go." Emmett paused. "Apparently it doesn't bother the lady that you're a soul-less vampire and so far a lack of a soul hasn't prevented you from making yourself feel guilty all the time."

"I don't get your point."

"I'm not going to agree or disagree with you as to whether or not the existential soul stuff is actually real but for the sake of argument let's say that it is. Okay, so what exactly is a soul? It's the essence of you that lives in your body, right?" I nodded. "Now, if you didn't have a soul and could remain living your body would rule your life?"

"Correct."

"Well, the fact that Bella is still alive in your arms at this moment disproves your soul less theory, doesn't it?"

"Emmett-"

"No, hear me out. What does your body want every time you're near her?" He smiled. "Your body wants her blood. You want to drain her dry to satiate your thirst and kill that burn in your throat." He raised a finger in the air. "However, you haven't fed off of her. What did you do instead Edward? You fell in love with her and exercised an immense degree of self control in both remaining close to her and then staying away for what you thought was her own good." He shot a triumphant look at Jasper and returned his hand to the wheel. "If you don't have a soul, I don't know who does." _Just let that sink in __**before**__ you argue._

I sat flabbergasted in the back of the jeep. Emmett had just run circles around me with logic. I had to search for an argument.

"Regardless of the fact that I've exercised self control it's still widely accepted by religion that vampires have no souls." I cocked an eyebrow.

"It's not widely accepted by anyone that we actually exist." He shot back. "Admit it, you're allergic to being happy."

"I am not-"

Jasper began coughing something that sounded like an expletive and received a high five from Emmett for his display.

"Come on Edward, I above all others know that you are what I like to call 'happiness resistant'. I could pump sunshine and flowers over to your sorry butt all day and you'd still find something wrong with it. At this point, I don't even try to alter your moods anymore unless I think that you're endangering someone else."

"Fine" I acquiesced.

"You're lucky that Bella isn't an empath," Jasper grinned, "because you are full of it. If you think that anyone in this car bought that, you're wrong."

"Edward, we're not asking for a miracle. It would just be nice if you could allow yourself to be happy again."

"I'll try."

_Do it for her. _Jasper looked at Bella curled up in my lap. _She's been through a lot and she deserves you whole._

I nodded and turned my attention to Bella, effectively closing the conversation.

We reached the house before the other two vehicles. Quil and Rachel agreed that they would feel more comfortable at Bella's apartment than the house. So, Rosalie and Carlisle drove them there in Quil's beat up Ford Focus. I couldn't figure out how they all fit into that car with his leg still in a splint and hers wrapped. It would take them significantly longer to get home due to the speed of the car and having to get them settled into Bella's place before heading home.

Alice and Esme pulled in within seconds of our arrival. I was shifting Bella into my arms while Jasper opened the door for me, and Emmett moved to get the door to the house open. Bella stirred again and I got her into the house as quickly as I could. Alice and Esme ran up the stairs to Carlisle's study in order to set up a place for her to finish the change away from the hustle and bustle of the rest of the house. The exam table that he kept stored upstairs would work.

I settled on the couch to wait for a few minutes while they got everything into place.

Bella shrieked just after I sat down. Her eyes flew open and darted around and her hands grabbed and scraped at the skin on her chest. She was going to hurt herself. I grabbed both of her hands and held them away from her body. Bella struggled like a mad woman to bring them back down.

"Bella, can you hear me?"

Her beautiful face scrunched up and she squeezed her eyes together like she was trying not to cry. She nodded in response but continued to writhe and fight to scrape the skin off of her chest. I trapped her left arm away from her body by pushing it under my right and holding it firmly between my arm and my body so that her hand clawed fruitlessly at my back.

"It's okay, we've brought you home. You're changing." I deftly caught her right wrist when she brought it up to scrape her skin again.

_She's fine Edward. She's just confused by the pain right now._

"Shhhh. I'm sorry. I'm so sorry."

Jasper winced audibly from behind me. Bella locked her teeth together, let out a low growl and shook her head vehemently.

_Well, that was the wrong thing to say._

I turned to look at Jasper where he stood on the stairs. He still wore his clothes from chasing after Bella that morning in spite of the fact that there were large slits in several spots on the shirt where Mark or Adrianna had ripped at it. He sensed my frustration and moved to stand behind us on the couch.

"Well, she wasn't angry until you started apologizing." He gave Bella a slight smile that she didn't see. _She's not going to let you get away with blaming yourself for everything anymore. _

"Can you help her go back to sleep?" I asked.

_Edward, it isn't going to matter. It's going to hurt either way._

"She seems more comfortable sleeping." I argued and Jasper inclined his head slightly before acquiescing.

"You know this won't continue to work and she's going to have to feel it. The burning gets worse further along and by not letting her get acclimated to her current level of pain you're not doing her any favors." Jasper tried to reason with me as Bella went limp in my arms. _She could probably rip the skin off of her upper body right now and never realize it. She won't be able to feel anything beyond the burn until this is over._

"But later she won't be able to rip her skin so easily." I was irritated with Jasper. His view of her transformation was purely clinical and he couldn't understand that it hurt me to watch her.

_Calm down, brother. There's nothing that we can do to ease her pain._

"I just can't stand to see it." I pulled her small, limp body into mine and breathed into her hair.

_There's nothing more that we can do. Trust me, I've seen more transformations than you have. _Images of countless forms writhing and screaming in pain flashed through his mind. I winced at each of them. _She's tough Edward. I've never seen anyone regain consciousness and not beg for death, let alone remain silent._

"She doesn't want to upset me." I explained.

_That point aside, it still takes a lot on her part to ride out that kind of pain silently._

I heard Alice's feet on the stairs and tuned in to her thoughts. _We're ready up here if you want to move her._

I looped my left arm under Bella's legs and carried her up the stairs. Her head lolled backwards and her hair swished with every move I made. I kissed her chin and then her cheek before we made it to Carlisle's study. I laid her down on the wide exam table and pulled her hair out from under her shoulders so that she wasn't laying on it.

_I wish that it had happened differently._ Esme sighed from the couch along the wall. I lifted my head and shook it at her. It would do no good for the two of us to blame ourselves for this. It was what Bella decided. She wanted to be a vampire. She was already a member of the family; she would just look and perhaps act a bit more like us in a few days time.

"Esme, you and I have to get past our guilt about this." I looked at Bella instead of my mother. "She's going to be furious with us if we don't and she's going to need us."

_I know but I can't help but think that if it had been you or Carlisle that you would have found some way to keep her alive until she could make the choice for herself. So that she could choose this life without death hanging over her head. _Esme shifted slightly.

"She asked you; she made the choice. She wanted this years ago and I refused to give it to her. Bella made that choice then without death hanging over her head." I neglected to mention my suspicions about her change in opinion over the years. "I denied her that; you just gave her what I should have given her long ago."

_This is so different from watching Rosalie or Emmett._

"Or even you." I added.

_Why is she so quiet?_ Esme stood next to me with her head cocked to one side; she listened to Bella's heart.

"I think that she's doing it for us. She doesn't want us to feel bad." I rested my hand back on Bella's cheek.

_She has so much control over herself. _Esme marveled.

"She really is special." I agreed.

Esme stayed by my side for a long time. Her thoughts were quiet and tranquil; she was on the verge of forgiving herself because that's what someone who's normal does. I, on the other hand, stood and worried and fussed over every movement that Bella made. Jasper was downstairs, but he continued to keep her unconscious.

I sought out Alice's mind and found her digging in a shopping bag that I forgot to remove from the car on Monday. It was a bag of clothes for Bella, things that she would never pick out for herself. She was searching for something in particular, a dark blue cocktail dress.

"Alice." I called in what to anyone else would have been a conversational tone.

_She'll love it Edward._ The image of Bella in Alice's head was not of Bella enjoying the dress. Instead, Bella looked down at it in shock with a slight grimace on her face.

"Try again, you didn't fool me." I muttered.

_Oh, fine... the wrap dress it is. _Alice was annoyed but her new image of Bella in said dress wore a much more neutral expression.

"Thank you. It's going to be hard enough on her without you making her play dress up the instant she wakes up." I sighed.

Alice opened the door to the study with a royal blue swath of fabric in her hand. It was soft and cotton and if Bella had had an opportunity to wear it, she would have liked it. Alice looked at me and raised and eyebrow challenging me.

_Are you going to stay and be a voyeur while I change her clothes or are you going to leave and protect her modesty?_

"I'll be back in a little while Bella, Alice is going to get you out of this swimsuit and I don't think that this is the way you would want me to see you." I hummed in her ear before slowly backing out the door and leaving Alice and Esme to change Bella's clothes.

I blocked out their thoughts to give Bella the privacy that she deserved and sat outside the door in the hallway. Esme hurried out a few seconds later and came back with supplies to bathe her. Alice had already acquired some of Bella's favorite bath items and Esme carried those with her.

Bella would be comfortable when she woke up. Everything would still be overwhelming but she would be clean, smelling like her own bath products, and she would be wearing something that she might have purchased on her own. If we could just keep the chaos in the house to a minimum and give her some time to adjust, she would be fine. There would be so many adjustments to make; there was no way that she could go back to her apartment. Bella would have to stay with us.

I found that comforting; she would be here. Would she want to be here though? I thought that she would want to stay but she had been hesitant all week. Unless my lips were on hers she held back. I tore at my hair and continued to look at the wall across the hallway. I found myself hoping against hope that she would still want me after the change, that she would still want the family, and that she'd stay forever. More than anything else in the world, I wanted her.

When Alice and Esme finished I slid back into the room. She looked otherworldly, like a nymph or some lost and forgotten child of the gods. Her hair was damp and fanned out above her head, her body curled partially in on itself, and her skin was pale and slightly reflective. She was beautiful but still looked somehow tragic. It took me a moment to asses why; the pain she was experiencing was etched into her features. I walked to her and smoothed a hand over her cheek, she was still hot.

I pulled up a chair and sat next to her for the night and the entire next day. She didn't wake even though the hustle and bustle of the house picked back up. Carlisle made trips between our house and her apartment to check on Quil and Rachel; Rachel reinjured her leg when she attacked Adrianna. The to were up and around by morning and on a plane to transport Brady's body back to LaPush by noon. Which led to the meeting.

Sam Uley got on a plane with a couple of the other wolves. The treaty had to be discussed due to Bella's unique situation. Carlisle explained to Rachel why Esme bit Bella but it seemed that Sam needed to speak with him about it, leader to leader. In this case, his Beta wouldn't do; the Alpha, the chief had to speak to Carlisle. This put the family back on edge. It was highly possible that Bella's transformation could start a war; we had never considered that a possibility.When Carlisle came home with the news he ran the details of the treaty through his perfect vampire mind and found the passage that he needed. We had promised not to 'bite'; we had always assumed that the language in the treaty stated 'kill'. This was the difference between the spirit and the letter of the law.

_Sam's here and he's refusing to speak to us as a human. _Carlisle cracked the door and peered into the room. _He knows that you can read his mind and he feels safer meeting with us as a wolf. I wouldn't ask if it wasn't necessary..._

"I'll come." I passed my hand through Bella's dark hair one more time and followed Carlisle out.

_I'll look after her. _Esme promised when I left the house with Carlisle, Rose and Emmett.

The meeting was long and unexpected. Sam didn't want a war anymore than we did. His main concern seemed to be Bella. He wanted to make sure that this was what she wanted, to know that she wasn't coerced, and that she had asked to become a vampire. We assured him that she was dying and that she wouldn't be abandoned. Then, we came to the end of the discussion.

_I know Bella. She has a big heart and an oversimplified concept of accountability. She will blame herself for Brady's death, just as she has for others. _He lowered his large head and looked directly at me. _You need to help her though this leech. _

I did not pass this exchange on to my family, but nodded in response to his request.

_You are not redeemed in my eyes or those of the pack. You owe Bella much in order to gain our forgiveness. _The minds of the other two wolves with him flicked to images of her as she'd been when I first left. The way that Sam found her on the forest floor, the months afterwards when she would hold her chest with her arms when she thought that none of them were looking, and a man that they identified as Jacob who worked so hard to bring her back from the edge only for her to plummet into something much colder when he died.

A very clear image of Bella swam to the surface, Embry placed it after Jacob's funeral in his mind, it was the image of Bella holding a crowbar and beating Jake's black Volkswagon with it while she screamed and cried. He had pulled her away and tended the small cuts on her face and arms. He had taken her back to the hospital with ripped stitches in her side and he felt the pain and rage that poured from her like a cloud of poisonous gas.

_This is her third death, don't allow her to drag herself down again. Her soul can't take much more sorrow._

Their thoughts were painful but I had never known what happened to her and it was only fair that I witness her suffering, not just what she allowed me to see. I had been the cause of much of it.

"How do I atone for what I've done?" I asked the large black dog. His deep eyes searched mine and he barked a laugh.

_Make her happy, she deserves it. _He nodded to the other two wolves. _Embry and I wish to speak with her after she is able. We want to explain the finer points of the treaty to her and discuss how it will be applied differently in her case._

"Applied differently?" I cocked an eyebrow.

_Regardless of the council decision, I am chief and she is part of the tribe. Leah should never have been allowed to speak at that meeting. _He remembered the day not long after Jacob's death when Bella sat in a hard chair at the council meeting and Leah argued for her removal from LaPush. In spite of Bella's perceived engagement to Jacob, which was never clarified by either party but understood by the tribe, Leah tried to convince the council that Bella should not be considered part of the tribe and no longer had the right to live on the reservation. Bella left of her own accord. _Bella will have more rights than the rest of you, she will be welcome to cross the boundary with supervision and missteps on her part for the first few years will be forgiven._

"Thank you Chief Uley." I sighed in relief.

_Sam_. He clarified. _I assume that we may stay at her apartment until she is ready?_

"I'm sure that she wouldn't mind." I assessed the wolf in front of me. "If I may, I would like to get back to her. The process is painful and waking can be traumatic. It should be complete soon."

_Go in peace vampire._

"I will call when she is ready to speak with you." I nodded before running back to the house.

I threw the door open and ran to the stairs. Jasper sat on the couch not watching the television that Emmett left on when we departed. Alice snuggled into his side, neither moved. Both were deep in thought.

_Not long now. Just a few more hours._ Alice had to concentrate to give me a vague time. I mouthed a thank you at her before continuing toward my goal.

I flew up the stairs and Esme met me with a hug. _She's awake but still not talking._

I brushed past her into the study. Bella looked perceptibly different from when I had left her mere hours before. The skin on her arm was completely smooth, her face looked the same but different. She was even more perfect than before, except for the fact that her jaw was clenched in pain. I sat down on the table and brushed my lips to her forehead before taking her hands gently in mine and rubbing them, silently marveling at their suddenly smooth texture.

"Can you talk?" I smoothed a stray strand of hair that had fallen into her face in my absence.

She grimaced and shook her head.

"This shouldn't last much longer. You only have a few hours left to go by Alice's reckoning." I tried to reassure her and ran a hand through her hair. "She wanted to put you in a cocktail dress but I didn't think that you'd want that. It's still a dress." She looked so hurt and almost lost as she fought to stay silent through the pain. "Do you want me to talk?"

She gave me a weak nod and I launched into anything I could to keep her mind occupied. I told her about the meeting with the wolves, reserving the more specific items for Sam. Then, I decided to try to distract her with plans for our future, our future together. I wrapped myself around her and held her tight while she suffered through the pain. I supposed that I was doing well because Jasper didn't come up the stairs or scream at me that she was angry again.

I brought up the idea of going to Siberia. I noticed her collection of Russian literature and thought that she might enjoy going somewhere with fresh air and onion domes for a while. Siberia would be a new experience for both of us. I spoke a little bit of Russian that I picked up from the sisters in Denali, Tanya occasionally thought an arrant phrase or two in the language and I'd asked her to translate. Sometimes I regretted asking. It would be new and fun and the long nights this winter would be a blessing. Bella could feel more normal there until she got used to being a vampire.

I talked until her eyes snapped closed and her body arced up off of the table; a high pitched moan reverberated through her chest. Her heart was still beating and the beats had intensified and become closer together but her reaction was unlike any I had ever seen. I jumped down off of the table and called for Carlisle and Jasper. They had more experience than I did with this kind of thing. I was concerned. Esme, Rosalie, and Emmett hadn't reacted like this.

Jasper passed Carlisle on the stairs taking them two at a time when he sensed my panic. His eyes were wide when he reached the doorway. He plowed through memories and couldn't find anything like it. Carlisle was just behind Jasper and laid a hand on my shoulder.

Bella's mouth jerked open in a silent scream. She remained like that for exactly eight minutes before her body relaxed and dropped to the surface of the table.

_I have never seen that before. _Both Carlisle and Jasper thought simultaneously.

I heard Alice dragging Esme and Rosalie down the hall and to the doorway. Emmett made it into the room just ahead of them and stood just behind Jasper and me. Bella's chest didn't more for one very long minute and I thought that she was dead.


	19. Chapter 19 Awakening

**A/n Hey everybody! It's been a bit crazy here again – big shock. I'm in show rehearsals... so.. this chapter has taken longer than it should.**

**FYI, we're winding down. There will be one more chapter after this and the Epilogue. I might be convinced to write a sequel but it will most likely be in Bella POV or a combination if I do it. There will be some collective TA/Freshman outtakes. **

**Stephanie Meyer owns Twilight. I own some yarn and knitting needles.**

**Music:**

**Cowboy Mouth, "Hurricane Party"**

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_Stop panicking Edward. She's a vampire; she doesn't need to breathe._ Jasper reminded me.

_I wonder how long she's going to stay like that. It's kind of eerie and weird. Almost like watching a dead body... _ I shot Emmett a look and he stopped his internal monologue. _Sorry bro._

She drew in a breath and I gasped for air. I didn't realize that I stopped breathing when her heart stopped. I looked to Jasper.

_Confused. Do you want me to keep tabs of her emotional state and inform you? _

I nodded.

_I hope that this overprotective streak doesn't last long. You do realize that she can probably take you down now, right? Edward, stop or I will be forced to calm you and we both know that you're 'happiness resistant' and therefore I would have to focus too much attention on you possible to Bella's detriment. _

Jasper's jab at my mental health was not welcome. At that moment I felt like I was trying to crawl out of my skin. There was a reason why I tended to block out everyone's thoughts and it wasn't just common courtesy. Jasper and Emmett were growing all too used to jabbing at me internally to affect some kind of change that they deemed necessary. This tendency had grown to epic proportions in the past week. They felt that since Bella had returned, even if she had spent the entire time somewhat distant, that I should 'pull my head out.' That was Emmett's term.

At the beginning of the week I came on strong. I wanted to pick up right where we left off because that's where I still was. I hadn't changed. My feelings hadn't changed, except to possibly grow more ardent. However, Bella had other ideas. She was with me, she responded to me, but things weren't the same for her. Bella was sad and broken and spent the greater part of the week simultaneously cemented to my side and distancing herself from me emotionally. She would get frustrated and yell at me for taking care of her. She even snapped at Esme occasionally.

I made the decision over and over again in my mind to change her, to keep her with me forever, and yet it wasn't until she was in danger that Alice had a vision of her changing. Then, Bella asked Esme to change her. I couldn't help but wonder if this was what she really wanted. I wondered if she would be all right or if she would adopt the same attitude that Rosalie harbored. We didn't need another Rosalie in the family.

I needed her to be all right. She moved her jaw slightly and jumped before opening her eyes wide with shock. The she pulled back in on herself. Her eyes snapped closed.

"Bella?" I called to her and she visibly relaxed. I felt the tension melt from my own frame.

"Yes?" She asked but her hands flew to her mouth faster than humanly possible.

_Watch it, she's afraid. What is Alice doing?_

Alice was bouncing on her toes in the doorway behind Jasper. She desperately tried to contain her internal monologue and keep it from spilling out. _She's so pretty Edward! _Alice scanned the future and found images of Bella, little flashes with hardly any meaning. She was so excited that her effervescence was even getting on Jasper's nerves. He was on a mission. There was an implied promise that he could and would keep Bella in line and he intended to do so.

"Alice, be patient. She's trying to adjust." Jasper was always calm and gentle with Alice. It didn't matter what she did; he remained calm because he loved her. Alice did her best to settle down.

"Take your time, Bella." I took a few steps closer to her. I tried to step softly and hush the amount of sound that I made. It wouldn't take much to startle her. She took another deep breath and a small smile played on her lips.

_She's relaxing because of you. Your presence is a calming influence. _

Then, I make a mistake. I reached out and touched her cheek. She swiped my hand off.

_Watch out! _

She rolled to the other side of the table and assumed a defensive position. She growled at me, low and fierce. Her eyes snapped open and her face was predatorial. However, she looked at me for a millisecond and gasped in shock. I put my arms up to show her that I meant no harm. Touching her had been a stupid move.

_She's just disappointed now, but you need to be careful._

"It's a bit disconcerting, isn't it?" Emmett's voiced boomed from behind me. I cringed.

"Bella, do you remember what happened?" I tried to remind her. Waking up was disorienting enough that according to Jasper's memory sometimes amnesia occurred. I attempted to move closer but she backed away.

_Fear again, but she's trying to suppress it on her own. _Jasper gave me an encouraging nod.

"I'm not going to hurt you," I stepped toward her again. Her eyebrows scrunched together and she stepped back. I moved again and so did she. She huffed slightly and tensed up before she planted her feet in place.

_Try again Edward._

"Do you remember anything?" I tilted my head slightly. She nodded and I barely heard Jasper's mind.

_Every time you ask a question she gets scared. I'm not sure but I think that her voice being different triggers it._

Her eyes were a vivid shade of red. They glowed. She held my gaze and I got lost in her. Bella had always been beautiful but now she was almost frighteningly gorgeous. I had expected it; I had even watched it happen but I was wholly unprepared for her to be a vampire. She pulled me in. Was this the feeling she described as being "dazzled?" I gave in to it a raised my hand very slowly this time to touch her cheek. Her head turned instantly to watch my hand. I was moving it just to her cheek.

"I know that this is all new and scary and you're being bombarded by all kinds of signals that you're not used to catching, but you need to try to focus." Her eyes returned to mine and I stopped my hand just shy of her cheek. I could feel the electrical tingle that sets off when the tiny hairs on one person's body stimulate that of another without completing contact.

_Careful_.

I took a breath and gently placed my hand on her cheek. She leaned her head into it and in a disconcertingly fast movement she placed her hand on my cheek. I smiled and so did she. I was still in love with her. My body reacted to her hand and whatever kind of magnetic force there was that pulled us together was still in tact. I wanted to pull her close and hold her but I held back because I didn't know how she would react.

"Are you ready to try talking again? Jasper thinks you're afraid of your own voice." I slowly stroked a circle into her cheek with my thumb.

"It's different," She tested her voice in a whisper.

"You'll get used to it," I explained. "Now, everyone else is here and they're ready to talk to you. Particularly Alice. Are you ready?" She stood there smiling at me but concentrating on her hand. She had been rubbing my cheek as I had done with hers. Bella was testing her control a bit and trying to see how little pressure she could apply.

"Bella?" I asked.

"Huh?" She gave her head a quick shake and I knew that she hadn't heard me. The confused look on her face was adorable.

"Bella, everyone else wants to say hello. Jasper thinks that you're calm enough. Are you okay?"

"Yeah, sorry." She sunk her teeth into her lip and winced.

"Your teeth are sharper now," I told her. I had forgotten about that little habit of hers. She was going to have to break herself of it. I suppressed the urge to laugh as she stood there for a second longer. "They're waiting, love," I reminded her.

She literally whirled around to greet everyone. Aside from gripping Emmett a bit too tightly, that was the reason he went first, and nearly attacking Jasper when she took a good look at his scar covered face, things went pretty well. She didn't attack anyone, and she reassured Esme and myself that this was indeed what she wanted.

Carlisle was the last to greet her. He picked her up and twirled her around like a little girl. The fact that he had longed for that kind of relationship was something that he had always hidden from me. Rosalie was too bitter and stubborn to act like his child and Alice wasn't used to the human social structure. They were both daughters, but older daughters. Bella had a very young spirit and was receptive to Carlisle treating her like a doting father.

A beautiful peel of laughter rang from her lips when he set her down. Bella's hands covered her mouth in shock at the music that came from her throat. The rest of us laughed at her reaction but she kept her hand over her face.

"Don't you dare," I took a risk and commanded her. I pulled hr hands away from her mouth. "I've waited too long to hear you laugh again." She looked puzzled. The previous week had been a happy one overall but she hadn't really laughed like she used to laugh. She would chuckle or scoff or smile but she no longer laughed.

"How are you feeling?" Carlisle interrupted her musing.

He was thinking about her thirst but she paused for a moment and tested out her new body. She stretched her legs and her side and her face broke out into a glorious smile.

"I don't hurt!" She literally bounced up and down. "The pain is gone," she sobbed. Her hand ran down the side of her dress in a smoothing motion but I knew that she was feeling for a scar where she would no longer find one. Bella spun around again with the grace of a dancer and I caught her in my arms before she could run into anything.

"You're perfect; you always have been. Perhaps now you'll understand that you are." I tried to keep the moment a private one between the two of us. She wrapped her arms around my neck and hugged me. My body almost sighed into hers.

Carlisle cleared his throat. "Bella, are you thirsty?"

_Yes!!!_ Jasper replied in his mind for her.

"Does thirsty burn?" She sounded unsure.

"Come on, let's hunt," I laughed.

_Heck yeah, let's see what she can do!_ Emmett agreed while making some sort of primitive grunt to emphasize his thoughts. Bella laughed again and felt my chest lighten even further.

"Are you coming Jasper?" We would need him because if we had to restrain her for one reason or another his ability to calm her down would be necessary.

"I'll catch up." _I need to talk to Alice._

Bella moved for the door and Emmett blocked her way. _I want to see if she'll jump._ He folded his arms and glanced down at her. Bella gave him an exasperated look and turned her head over her shoulder for help.

"Are you sure you want to take the stairs?" _I bet she'll jump. Do you think she'll jump?_

"How else would I get out of the house?" Bella rested her hands on her hips in irritation.

"Emmett thinks that you should use the window," I clarified. She let out a soft laugh. I couldn't help the grin that spread across my face. She thought that I was kidding.

"The window?" She turned back to me and I schooled my features.

"It's fun..." Emmett sang.

_Freaking idiots... _"Certain males in the family seem to lack the ability to use a door." Rosalie explained.

I was obviously included in the "freaking idiot" category as I hardly ever used the door when Bella wasn't around. The window was a perfectly good exit and thus there was no point in going all the way downstairs to get outside. Being a vampire had to have benefits and jumping out of windows just happened to be one of them.

"Come on, let's jump out the window!" Emmett radiated the enthusiasm of a four year old who had ingested too much sugar. He grabbed Bella's hand and dragged her across the room. Bella forgot that she didn't have to put up with that anymore because she protested while she followed. I moved with them and fell into step next to her.

"Edward?"

"I'm afraid that if we don't jump out the window, he'll explode." I cocked an eyebrow at her and she reciprocated.

In the meantime, Emmett pulled open the window. He shot me a devilish grin when he pulled Bella up to the ledge. I watched her stiffen with apprehension. She wasn't going to jump with him. He attempted to persuade her but ultimately she watched from the ledge while he did a back flip and landed with a loud thump.

_Come on, she has to try!_ He looked up from the ground outside.

"Together?" I inquired as I stepped onto the ledge and slipped my hand around hers. It was very strange touching her and having my own skin give just a bit. It felt natural. She squeezed my hand and I grinned at her. I studied her face for a brief moment before moving my foot to step off of the ledge. She went with me. We plummeted to the ground and she landed gracefully on her bare feet.

_Wow..._ Alice watched the landing from the window and saw exactly what I did. Bella, clumsy Bella floated to the ground.

_She's beautiful Edward. _Esme's mental voice called down.

Bella lifted her chin slightly and drew in a deep breath. I could almost see her mind working to isolate scents. Watching her discover the world was exciting. She had so much to learn and see.

"It's a different world than the one you left, isn't it?" I gave her hand a quick squeeze before heading for the forest.

"Do you know what I think we should do?" Bella swished her hips back and forth before batting her eyelashes coyly.

"Of course not. I still can't hear your thoughts." I actively tried to hear her to no avail.

"That's a relief, I'd hate to think that being changed made me less of a freak," She paused for a second. "I think that we should race."

Bella took off without me. I stood for a second and looked at Emmett. The smile on his face was so big that I thought his head would crack open.

_This new Bella, is going to be so much fun to have around._

I took off after her and found it surprisingly hard to catch her. I had always been the fastest but now Bella was outstripping me. I followed her scent. I first started to become concerned when I noticed that she was heading toward a neighborhood several miles away rather than further into the forest. Anyplace with people qualified as a bad location for a newborn Bella to find herself, particularly without a chaperone.

Then, I heard Emmett behind me. _Catch her Edward, Alice sees a little boy._

I cursed and continued to run. There was no way to make my limbs move any faster. I could only hope that I would make it in time to keep her from hurting the boy. Her scent grew stronger but I also picked up the scent of human blood.

"Bella!" I called and heard her laugh reverberate through the trees back to me. I was gaining on her. The thought of her taking the life on an innocent child crushed me. She came into view ahead, near the edge of the trees. She stopped and looked up at the clouds and I took the opportunity to pounce. She began to move just as my arms encircled her waist.

The smell of blood was strong. I stopped breathing and hauled her back from the edge. She protested verbally but didn't react otherwise. I was shocked.

"Do you have her?" Emmett called.

"What's wrong?" Bella shook her head a bit like she was trying to clear it before she turned in my arms and buried her nose into my shoulder.

"Blood Bella -" Emmett stopped dead in his tracks. _She shouldn't be coherent right now. Shouldn't she be charging him or fighting you, something?_ _That's just not natural Edward._

"There's a child over there with a skinned knee." I pointed to the small boy standing next to a swing set. He sucked his lip in and tried not to cry. The child couldn't have been more than five. Bella turned to look and slipped out of my arms.

"Bella!" Emmett warned.

"I'm fine." She took a step away from me and I grabbed her by the wrist. This was an unnecessary risk for her and the child.

"No, Bella, you're a newborn, you can't," I tried to reason with her.

"But he's hurt," She unleashed the full force of her pitiful expression on me.

I listened to the nearby house for thoughts and found the child's mother. "His parents are in the house and his mother is coming outside now." I informed her. She returned my gaze with a confused expression. She didn't understand why it was a bad idea for her to try to help him. "Listen, I don't know how you're resisting his blood this far away but let's not chance it by getting any closer."

_I'm almost there. _Jasper ran to us.

He came through the trees and pushed a wave of calm to Bella just as she stopped moving. She seemed to regain her senses. Bella shook her head again and turned around. Her hand gently tugged mine and we ran. She kept going long after the smell of blood had abated. Jasper wasn't far behind us. When he caught up he leveled his eyes at Bella.

"You weren't going to attack him were you?" He asked her.

"I don't think so." Bella bit her lip again.

"Wait," I stopped her. "You weren't going to feed off of him?"

_I really don't think that she would have. There wasn't a touch of blood lust. If I hadn't have known better I would have thought she wasn't thirst at all. _Jasper looked stunned. There had to be a logical reason.

"I hadn't really considered it an option." She slipped her hand back out of mine and I mourned the loss.

"Are we going to go hunting or are we having a party in the woods?" Emmett sidled up next to Bella.

"Didn't he smell good to you?" I asked. Her restraint seemed impossible.

"I smelled blood but it didn't smell any different than it did when I was human."

_That doesn't add up._

"She could smell blood as a human?" Emmett piped up and I nodded to confirm that Bella could smell blood as a human. "Sweet."_ Awesome!_

"Wasn't your throat burning?" Jasper tried to figure out what was going on and exactly how Bella could walk away from blood.

"Yeah, it was pretty intense but he looked like he needed help."

_Maybe it has to do with her sense of smell? Do you think that that could have carried over. I know that she couldn't handle being around it before without passing out._

"It's okay Bella. We're just trying to figure out what happened." Jasper tried to comfort Bella.

"Is there something wrong with me?" She twisted her fingers together.

"No, there's nothing wrong with you. Let's just get you fed." The discussion of her ability to withstand blood had gone on for long enough. Bella was too self-conscious. I needed to get her out of there.

I took her hand and she froze before I had even moved. I caught a faint scent in the wind and turned to look at her. I could smell werewolves but she seemed to be gagging on the scent.

_Whoa, what's wrong?_ Emmett stepped closer.

_Is that werewolf?_ Jasper's nose wrinkled.

"What is that stench?" She dropped my hand and dry heaved.

"It's werewolf," I gritted my teeth. The dogs were early. Sam was supposed to wait for her to be ready and she hadn't fed yet.

_Shouldn't we get her out of here?_ Emmett glanced in the direction that the scent came from.

"Oh, wow! That is really strong! I take back every complaint I've made this week about having to shower more often than usual." Bella continued to gag.

"It's not that bad Bella," Emmett had apparently left his compassionate side at home. _What is wrong with her?_

"Are we smelling the same thing?"

"Be polite they can hear you," I warned.

"Are you sure that this is wise?" Jasper dropped his hand on my shoulder. "She hasn't fed yet. I know that she just resisted feeding off of that little boy but who knows what she's going to do around a couple of werewolves."

"That's what you're here for isn't it Jasper?" Emmett crossed his arms. _Let's make a wall I suppose..._

"I don't like it." Jasper stiffened and took a position next to Emmett. The two stood between Bella and the wolves.

I groaned internally when they came into sight. They were actually insecure enough to show up in wolf form. Bella wasn't initially upset but her natural reaction to their form took over quickly. Jasper was able to give me a warning that she was getting edgy and I wrapped my arms around her. I don't think that she knew she was struggling with me but Bella very nearly escaped from my arms a couple of times before we convinced Sam and Embry to shift. I turned her to give them some privacy.

I suppose that I should have seen what was coming. Sam would of course want to rehash details from both fights in front of her. I was proud of her. She recounted the events that led up to her change without showing the slightest hint of being upset, until Sam asked about Brady.

Bella snapped. She twisted and swiped my arms off of her body before shoving me violently into a tree. My head hit hard and left an indentation in the tree. By the time I jumped to my feet she was stalking toward Jasper. She had already shoved Emmett and pushed his shoulder out of joint in the process.

_What the...!_ Emmett stared at her wide-eyed.

The wolves phased again. _Are we needed?_

I tried to signal them to hold off. If Bella hurt them it would only make matters worse. They continued to try to find a position behind her.

"You knew that he was dead when we started talking didn't you?" She accused him.

"Yes Bella, I knew. My focus was on getting you back to the family alive though and knowing wouldn't have helped you survive." Jasper tried to talk her down verbally.

_She's going to attack him leach. _Embry pointed his snout at Bella.

"Stay back and let me handle her," Jasper requested. _Edward, I don't want to panic anyone but I can't get a read on her feelings. It's like she's not there._

"Didn't you think that I had a right to know?" Bella's eyes flashed dangerously; she was really intending to attack Jasper.

_I'm trying to calm her down but the emotion is just bouncing back at me._

"Calm down." I placed my hand on her shoulder only to have her forcibly remove it.

_Back up Edward. She doesn't know what she's doing right now._

"No, I will not calm down." She stalked closer to Jasper. He had managed to put a few feet between them but she realized it and came closer.

_I'm going to have to take her down, Edward. I'm going to be as gentle as I can._

"Jasper-" This wasn't a good idea by any stretch of the term.

"I can't even sense her emotions Edward. She's like a blank; I can't calm her down." He reiterated. Bella sank into a crouch and prepared to pounce. Jasper mirrored her.

"Bella-"

"Stay out of this Edward." She moved in on Jasper and I tried to grab her. She threw me several feet into Emmett who caught me.

_So, this is exciting._ Emmett smiled down at me and I growled at him.

"You don't really want to fight me Bella." Jasper warned in a calm voice.

"I think I do." They started circling each other crossing one leg over the other and staying close to the ground. Bella moved like a dancer, her steps were mesmerizing and dangerous. She looked like she might actually know what she was doing, but I knew that she was no match for Jasper.

"Bella, you're going to regret this later." Jasper made one more attempt at calming her both physically and verbally before she lunged. He expertly dodged her and she whirled around regaining her footing and going back to her circling dance step with Jasper. I couldn't stand it. I had to help restrain her.

"Edward stay back!" Jasper stared me down. _You're not going to be able to help. _"Sam, Emmett, keep him away. She'll hurt him."

Emmett grabbed my arms and Sam stepped in front of me.

_Patience, your brother seems to be able to handle her. _Sam leveled his large brown eyes at me.

Bella jumped into the air and flung her arms out to Jasper. She was making a very obvious attempt to crush him. He deftly swept her arms into each other and folded them over her chest. She snapped her teeth at him and her forced her head to the side.

"Bella the fact that you're stronger than me isn't going to help you win this fight. I can still throw you around like a rag-doll."

Bella smirked before twisting her hips sideways, ducking down and flipping Jasper over her back. He landed hard. _Got her,_ he smiled. His hands reached for her ankle. When he gripped it he swiftly turned one hand over the other and flipped her to the ground. I watched through his mind. He could sense her again and took the opportunity to calm her.

_Wow... She's a firecracker._ Emmett let go of me.

"She's fine Edward. I just had to distract her enough to keep her from blocking me." _Man that hurt. We need to remember not to tick her off again. She's a natural fighter._

"Blocking you?" Bella let out a deep breath and looked at Jasper for an explanation.

"I tried to calm you down but I couldn't. It was like I was hitting a wall, and I couldn't feel you." Jasper flipped himself up to a standing position and reached a hand down to her. "I think that you're going to have to learn to control your emotions on your own." Bella nodded from the ground. She lay disheveled in the dirt for a few more moments and pondered her situation.


	20. Chapter 20 Trust

**A/n Here it is, the last "real" chapter. The epilogue will be coming soon. I will be editing and reposting some chapters as I've found an error or two here and there. Some outtakes will be available eventually on a separate story on my profile page.**

**Twilight is the property of Stephanie Meyer. If you haven't figured it out yet, my name isn't Stephanie.**

**Music: **

**Cheri Macgill, "To the Ground"**

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I allowed Jasper to get her to her feet but I practically pushed him out of the way to look at her. I rubbed my hands up and down her arms, checked her neck, her shoulders and finally cupped her face. She was in one piece. Jasper hadn't hurt her.

_I told you she's fine. I just had to distract her. Chill out Edward._

"I'm fine Edward. I just lost control." She forced a smile. "Jasper was much more gentle with me than I deserved. I'm more concerned about you."

_See, you're worrying her because you're a melodramatic fool. You couldn't have just stayed back? _Jasper continued to chastise me mentally.

"I've had worse," I breathed.

"I'm so sorry. Are you sure that I didn't hurt you?" She wrapped her arms around me and did her own inventory to make sure that I was in one piece.

"Don't worry about it, you didn't hurt anyone."

_Speak for yourself. Your woman is strong. Did you see how hard she shoved me?_ Emmett complained but at least he didn't do it vocally.

"Thanks to Jasper." She was going to take this hard. Her face twisted into a grimace and I knew that she was disappointed in herself. After a few calming breaths she turned her attention back to Sam.

"I'm in control now, Sam. I'm sorry, this is... Well, it's a lot to get used to."

_You will speak for us vampire._

My heart sank because I knew that Bella would take this personally. I didn't want to have to speak for him. I felt like it was a conflict of interest where Bella was concerned.

"He understands, but he prefers to speak through me for the time being," I explained.

"When does this get easier?" She let her frustration and disappointment show when she turned to Jasper.

"It's different for everyone. You need time. You're a newborn, Bella. This is to be expected." _Yep, she's your perfect woman. She's just like you now, self deprecating and serious. We seriously need to lighten the two of you up a bit._

"Be patient." I couldn't keep my arms from wrapping back around her. Her control seemed to have improved since her outburst. She no longer clawed and struggled to fight the wolves even though her instincts must have been screaming at her to go after them.

Through me, Sam outlined the differences in the treaty to her. To say that she was shocked was an understatement. Bella was flabbergasted that Sam would still consider her a member of the tribe and would extend her additional freedoms where the treaty was concerned. There was no doubt in my mind that it wouldn't be long before she exhibited sufficient control to use those liberties. The question was whether or not she would take him up on it. Bella was frightening when she lost control but she was still in control enough to strategize while she fought with Jasper. She wasn't a normal newborn.

When he had finished outlining the changes in the treaty pertaining to Bella, essentially creating an entirely new treaty for her. He moved on to trying to absolve her of her guilt. She was shocked by the changes in the treaty alone but the tribe's acceptance of her even though she felt that she had caused them so much pain brought her to her breaking point. Jasper eyed me with a warning to be cautious.

"No one blames you for anything that has happened Bella." Sam's sentiments echoed my own. She wouldn't listen to me but perhaps from him... "We know that you would never intentionally put anyone in danger. It's time that you moved on."

"Sam, Jacob was my fault, if I hadn't..." Bella was so stubborn.

"No," _This has to stop now._ "Jacob, Seth, Brady, Paul... all of us made our choice to defend you regardless of how you came to be in trouble. If you had stayed instead of running perhaps we could have talked about this before. You are not responsible for our decisions and if you had left or given yourself up, we would have fought anyway. We would have done that much for anyone." _Edward, we are sorry that she left us without that understanding. Please help me try to make this right._

I nodded.

"But Jake in the very least..."

"Bella, he knew before that night. Jacob Black always knew that you would never be completely his." I had to work to translate for Sam and cut her off. None of us wanted to hear her continue to blame herself. Bella dropped to the ground as she left the words sink in. I allowed her to slip from my arms; I knew that I could offer no comfort for this.

_Edward, would you translate for me also? _Embry asked. _I may be able to shed a unique light on the situation for her. Quil should have done this last week._

"Embry wants you to know that Jacob told him as much, days before the attack," I knelt down next to the tragic yet beautiful woman beside me. I indicated for him to continue and I left the words flow from his mind to my mouth. "He knew that no matter what, the best that he could hope for was to keep you alive and well. At first he thought that he could make you happy, but before the end he knew that it was a dream. You were too far-gone. He had already given up by the time you argued with him the morning of the battle. He was irritated and angry and he regretted those words as soon as he left your tent but he didn't know how to tell you."

"Why didn't you tell me?" Her body trembled with emotion.

"Bella?" Jasper asked. _She dangerously close to rage again._

"I'm in control," Bella sobbed and quieted the tremor.

_Wow, she's catching on. Did you see that the way I did? _

I didn't see it. My mind was not focused on Jasper's. I knelt on the ground next to my Bella with my knees getting soggy from the damp earth and focused my attention on telling her what she needed to hear.

"You shut down Bells; we didn't know how hard you had taken his death until you destroyed his car and by then you were near catatonic again. No one wanted a repeat of..." Embry stopped.

_I'm not sure if I should explain. _He was concerned about her mental state and fed me the same images of her distraught that I had seen before as well as her fight with Jasper. There was a question overlaid on the memories. He wanted o know if she would snap.

I looked up to reassure him, "it's fine Embry. I'll tell her."

"No one wanted a repeat of what happened when the Cullens left and Sam found you in the woods. We were afraid to bring it up, particularly the argument. I'm sorry that I didn't say something sooner but you haven't returned anyone's phone calls other than Quil's in years. We thought that you had moved on." Embry stepped forward cautiously. "For my part, I am sorry." He bowed his large head.

"There's nothing to forgive, Embry." Bella sounded broken.

"Then you need to afford yourself the same luxury." I had to hold back my amusement at his words and keep it out of my voice.

"Are you blackmailing me into forgiving myself?" She quirked an eyebrow at him.

"Would it work?" He began to tease her.

"Probably not," She pulled herself together and got off the ground. "I will try to move on Embry."

"Bells, if Jake were here, he would want you to be happy." The two had forgotten that I was translating for them and spoke directly to each other. I felt like I was intruding. "Just remember that. He wanted you to have a chance to be happy again. So don't blow it."

"We need to leave," Sam spoke. "Do you accept the treaty and the modifications as we've laid them out?"

"Yes," Bella accepted in a quiet voice.

"Then we will leave you to hunt in peace. Please visit when you are able." The wolves retreated back into the forest and I wrapped my arms back around Bella to comfort her. She let me give her a hug before she pulled back to speak to us.

"Edward, Jasper, I'm -"

"Don't be," Jasper smiled with that odd quirk to his lip that he gets sometimes. "Your heart wasn't in attacking me. Face it, you're too tame little sister." _If you tell her or Emmett how close that really was, I will make you suffer little brother._

I smiled, Jasper and I were fairly equally matched. However, knowing that we were equally matched I wasn't about to let Emmett know that Bella had a good chance at taking him down.

"Do I have to add you to the backyard brawl list? I'm already planning on facing off with Emmett." She grinned widely at the challenge.

"Ooooooh, I do believe that I can handle anything you can dish out little missy," Jasper's southern accent came back full force when he teased her. "But for now, we need to get you fed." _Like right now. She's so thirsty that it's affecting me._

Bella raised her eyes to mine and I stretched out my hand. This hunt was hers and she should lead the way. She ran fast and almost carefree like a child. She was enjoying the speed and the feel of the trees whooshing past. Her changeable newborn moods seemed to be helping her deal with her past a little. She could escape just a bit. I hated to stop her but she wasn't looking for prey. Jasper and Emmett were fairly far behind us when I smelled a herd of deer and pulled her to a stop. She looked at me incredulously until she inhaled deeply. She cocked an eyebrow at me and I indicated once again for her to lead the way. I walked rather than ran after her because I didn't want to loose an appendage due to her feeling threatened. If there was one thing that I could glean from Jasper's memories and take seriously it was that I didn't want to threaten a newborn vampire's kill. She had a buck down and was in the process of draining it when I caught up to her. Emmett and Jasper weren't far behind me.

_Dude, six points not bad. Too bad Esme won't let us put that on the wall._

I stifled a laugh at Emmett's remarks.

Bella righted herself. She was surprisingly clean for a first kill. Her dress was a bit rumpled and dirty at the back but that occurred during her fight with Jasper. She brought the back of her hand up to her mouth and wiped away the blood that stained her lips.

"Not bad for your first try. Let's see if we can find a bear." Excitement colored Emmett's words and I couldn't help but feel a bit irritated.

"I don't think that finding a bear will be necessary," I challenged Emmett.

"Oh come on Edward...." _Stop being a pansy; she's a vampire_.

"Bella does not need to take down a bear on her first hunt." All I could think of was claws and hair and teeth. These were all things that I wanted far away from Bella.

"But it'd be cool." Jasper sang.

"Jasper, you are not helping matters!"

_What are you her father?_

"Do you think that I could really take down a bear?" Bella sounded interested in the concept. "Well, let's go find one. I'm still thirsty."

I groaned.

"Bella!" I reached out and grabbed her hand before she could move.

"Jasper, can Alice take down a bear?" She asked.

_I'm not lying to her. _"Of course."

"I'm also bigger and stronger than Alice, right?" She had the nerve to look triumphant! Then Jasper nodded.

It seemed that everyone else was against my plan of easing Bella in to being a vampire gradually. A bear... She wanted to go after a bear.

"So, it would be logical to assume that I should be able to bag a bear, yes?"

"Heck yeah!" _That's my girl._

I gave Emmett the evil eye. Bella was most definitely not his girl.

"I think that you've been outvoted love." She sauntered over and sweetly kissed my cheek.

"Ya know what, I kind of like the new and improved Bella." Emmett smacked me on the back and Jasper failed to conceal a laugh at my expense. I growled under my breath.

"Why don't you guys go on, and Edward and I will catch up with you?" Bella suggested and Jasper took off with an unwilling Emmett. He wanted to stay and watch the show.

She wanted to talk. My heart sunk because I knew that my behavior had most likely hurt her feelings. She was probably feeling like I didn't want her to be a vampire and that exacerbated her abandonment issues. I felt like such an idiot. I new that she was emotionally fragile and I allowed my opinion of her hunting dangerous prey to cloud my judgment. I didn't know why the fact that she wanted to hunt a bear mattered to me but it did. She pulled a page out of my own book and grabbed my chin. She forced me to look at her and I couldn't help the surge of panic that shook me. In a few months, she really was going to hate me. The fact that we were now in a relationship in which I could hide nothing had not escaped me. I had never hidden a lot from her, other than how deeply ingrained my overprotective nature was but what if she didn't like that. What if she didn't need me?

I tried to express my feelings as gently as possible and she didn't take it well. Even as a vampire she was insecure.

"I thought that you wanted this: the two of us, together for eternity..." She would have been crying if she were human. Venom glistened in her eyes.

"Bella, you don't understand. This is what I want. I'm relieved that we can be together now and I don't have to worry about hurting you and that you're never going to die again. That's not the problem -"

"Well, what is the problem Edward because you sure don't seem to be embracing this?" She kicked the tree next to her for emphasis and looked shocked when she caused a dent. She knelt down and ran her fingers over the foot-shaped indentation.

"It's just hard for me. You don't need me like you used to," I explained.

"I don't need rescuing but I still need you. I will always need you Edward." She looked up at me and her bright red eyes plead with me. "If I thought otherwise, I wouldn't have asked Esme to bite me. It's not just that I didn't want to die. I wanted to be with you, to have more time with you. Now, we have nothing but time."

"And the desperate need to find you a bear." I crouched down onto the forest floor with her and took her face in my hands. If she wanted a bear, then she could have a bear.

"I don't have to find a bear today if it makes you uncomfortable." She tried to make me more comfortable but pretending to be something that she wasn't wouldn't help us in the long run.

"Are you still thirsty?" I pushed my forehead into hers and took a deep breath. She still smelled like freesia, just less edible and more floral.

"Hmmmmm.... I could be easily distracted." She winked at me and I knew that she meant trouble.

"Bella I might not be able to read your mind but I can tell you that _that_ is not going to happen here and now." She was suggesting some form of intimacy on the forest floor and I couldn't do that. Our relationship wasn't ready for the next step. We weren't ready for the steps we'd already taken. Intimacy would just mean taking advantage of her. I stood up to put a little distance between us.

"I don't see why not-"

"Well, we've only been back in each other's lives for a week. Don't you think that it's a bit too soon?" It seemed a far cry from my opinion the week prior when I wanted to drag her off to Vegas immediately but waiting would be better.

"Kill joy. I don't know how you do it..." She huffed.

"Do what?"

"That perfect self control of yours. For the record, I hate it." She folded her arms and tapped her foot on the ground.

"You think that my self-control is perfect?" _She had never been more wrong in her life_. "You think that it's not hard for me." Perhaps I needed to show her exactly how difficult keeping my hands off of her was. I stalked forward and backed her into the tree; my hands moved either side of her body. "It's taking all of the self-discipline that I've built up over the last hundred years to be a gentleman right now."

"What if I don't want you to be a gentleman?" She tried to tempt me. I groaned.

"Oh Bella, if I knew that you were saying that for a reason other than the fact that you're a newborn-"

"I wanted to before-"

"No Bella, not like this. Please just wait and we'll do things properly." I rested my cheek on hers and allowed myself to feel her breath in my ear.

"Properly? We're vampires Edward. What do you mean by properly?"

She was about to figure out one of the major drawbacks of dating a Victorian Era male and she was going to make fun of me. I let out a sigh.

"The rules," she accused.

"What about the rules?" I pulled back to look at her face.

"They weren't just about protecting me from your teeth and your venom. You were concerned about your virtue." She figured it out and did nothing to stifle a laugh. She, like most modern women, didn't understand that this wasn't only about protecting virtue but showing her respect.

"I can't believe that I didn't see this before... All this time I thought that it was because I was a human, but that was just a convenient excuse!"

"Not entirely, and it's not my virtue I'm worried about woman. It's yours that concerns me." I pulled my arms away from the tree and turned my back to her.

"Really?"

"Yes, really."

"What if I'm not concerned?" She tried to jump on me playfully from behind and I sidestepped her.

"Bella, some people would consider what I'm doing chivalrous or romantic." She was absurd.

"I'm not some people," she stated.

"I know." The fact that she was different was blatantly obvious.

"So... in order for things to progress beyond kissing... you would want...?" She cocked her head to the side.

"Bella..." She wasn't going to like my answer..

"Edward," Bella mimicked my tone exactly.

"I would want you to marry me but we're obviously not at a point in our relationship where that can happen, are we?"

"Probably not... Although, I did just become a vampire for you so I think that that trumps marriage." She argued.

"Nice try." This was one point on which I would not be persuaded.

"Ed-ward"

"Bel-la"

"You're not going to give in are you?" She wasn't happy.

"I've waited for a hundred years." I really couldn't help myself, I walked over and leaned in so that our mouths were practically touching. Teasing her was too much fun. "I can wait however long we need to in order to do this right."

"I'm stronger than you," she warned.

"I'm saying no Bella, not today."

I sighed and leaned in closer to her. I didn't want her to feel unattractive or even worse that I didn't like her as a vampire because quite frankly Bella was breathtaking. Vampire or not, I loved her. She took me by surprise and pulled me down into a kiss. She was insistent and fierce. I could feel our bodies mold together, it was no longer her small fame conforming to mine but each of us gave to the other. My chest rumbled and I wrapped my arms around her. Being able to kiss her without worry was entirely new. I tried to be cautious at first but Bella wouldn't put up with it. She led and I followed. She pushed harder and I knew that this would have to end soon if I was to keep my word. I couldn't let things go too far too soon. She was incapable of controlling these urges and emotions but I could. Eventually, she became distracted enough that I could get a grip on her hands. I moved them slowly and gently into a position where I had more leverage before pulling away. She tried to fight me but my plan worked. I broke the kiss.

"Enough," I whispered. I looked down and she was still struggling with me.

"Fine!" She gave up and stormed around to the other side of the tree so that she wouldn't have to look at me. I counted to sixty to let her cool down before walking around and standing slightly behind her.

"I'm not refusing because I'm disinterested.." I rested my hand on her shoulder.

"I know." She sounded wounded and it broke my heart.

"Look at me."

"_I can't." _Bella continued to look down. She was retreating from me emotionally again and I couldn't allow that to happen. There had to be a way to get through to her that this was for the best. She gasped and sobbed and I knew that something had to be done immediately.

"No, you're going to listen to me Bella." I locked my hands around her shoulders and ducked down slightly to try to get eye contact. "I will say his as often as I need to but you are going to listen to it..." I attempted to turn her around but she refused to budge. Her little bare feet were planted firmly into the ground. "You. Will. Listen. To. Me." I did the only thing that I could, I picked her up and forced her to face me; she struggled but in the air she couldn't get away. "I love you. I want you. You becoming a vampire hasn't changed that."

"Then why are you acting like this?" She stilled and let me lift her chin up to face me.

"I'm..." I turned my head. These words needed to be right. "I'm waiting for us to be ready. You have to understand that physical intimacy changes a vampire and you and I need to be emotionally healthy before we make that step. I want everything to be right when we do."

"If we do," She sighed.

"When. Please just be patient. I want everything to be right before we take the next step." I hugged her tightly because if I kissed her then the entire debate would start over again.

"You are aware that newborn vampires aren't exactly known for their patience, or their restraint." She smiled coquettishly.

"Then let's just be thankful that our roles aren't reversed." I smiled at her. "Now, let's go track down my brothers and find you a bear."

She took my hand and I knew that we had a future. It could still be years away but we would eventually make things right. We just had to trust each other.


	21. Emmett's Post Game Wrap Up

**A/n: I know that this is short and in a completely different style that I normally write in but it's for all of you who love Emmett. Welcome to Emmett's post-game wrap up. He's kind of opinionated and he's going to give you some clues about outtakes and the eventual sequel.**

**Twilight belongs to Stephanie Meyer. Sometimes I run around the house and pretend like it's mine and then I realize that the house is literally falling apart around us and I come back to reality.**

**Without further ado, here's Emmett. Enjoy!**

**~#~Emmett~#~**

The past few weeks since Bella has reentered our lives have been eventful. It has become apparent that danger is a staple in Bella's life and the fact that Edward felt the need to blame himself for the danger that she constantly finds herself in is completely off base. It's great. I love having Bella back. Her first week back we got into a fight with another coven. Life was so boring before we met her and during the four years that we lived without her.

Bella bagged a bear on her first hunt. That is of course after Edward stopped whining like a little girl. I know that he can hear me – _like a little girl, dude_. I'm just saying he needs to chill because that is one strong willed, opinionated, fine piece of woman that he has there.

Speaking of said woman... Bella kicked my butt at least three times last week sparring. I did take it a bit easier on her but I'm pretty sure that if we were human she would have had Jasper breaking a sweat. Edward,_ like a little girl_, refuses to be present when we play with Bella. He's also keeping a certain amount of distance between the two of them. I know that he's older than me and his moral compass is probably a bit more developed but it's obvious that the two have some sort of tension building.

All in all Bella and Edward seem fairly happy. They still don't talk, which annoys Jasper to no end. Sometimes he gets so frustrated that he leaves the house because there's so much left unsaid between the two of them. I think that she's working out whatever issues our leaving her caused. Sometimes she gets a little pensive and just plain weird when Edward isn't right with her, and Jazz and I can forget getting him to go anywhere without her anytime soon.

Bella decided to go the route of disappearing rather than faking a death or just dropping out of school. We filed a missing persons report as soon as we returned from hunting. She grabbed a few things from her apartment to make it look like she was going to take a trip. Rachel and Quil convinced Charlie and local law enforcement here that she ran off sometime after the "terrible cliff-diving accident" that killed Brady, most likely while they were taking the body back to LaPush. Charlie and Rene came into town to close up Bella's apartment. Edward and Carlisle met them. Edward let Charlie throw him around a bit while keeping him from actually landing a blow. Charlie blames Edward for Bella's disappearance.

So, Bella Swan is still officially alive as far as the law is concerned. She's the only one of us who has maintained the ability to contact his or her family into this life. She plans on sending them post cards from around the world to keep them from worrying about her. It's a pretty good plan. I wish that I had thought of it.

Like I said, it's been exciting. I have to say that I was disappointed in the outcome of our fight with Adrianna's coven. We only managed to take down three of them. While I lay prone on the ground completely unable to move Jasper and Edward, mostly Jasper, made an error in judgment. Both of them jumped to protect Alice when she was threatened, leaving Mark an opportunity to slip away. There just weren't enough hands and we were out of practice sparring. We're preparing for another show down with Mark. Jasper is positive that he's not finished with his ambitions to carve out some territory and make a name for himself.

So, he's on the loose but Alice assures us that she's watching him. Personally, I think that he's a slime-ball because he ran the exact opposite direction of his 'mate' the second that he felt threatened. If someone were to threaten Rose, you could bet that I'd be after him, or I suppose her, in an instant. We were fortunate that they hadn't started building up their little newborn army either because that would have been a pain in the butt to put down and we might have had to ask for help from the Volturi. Jasper seems overly fond of them and their ability to quell the lawbreaking portion of our society but Carlisle refuses to weigh in an opinion on them and I don't trust them.

Alice is up to something. She went to visit the house in Washington and came back with a large garment bag and a smaller box. Edward has been trying to figure out what's going on in her hyper little brain for about a week but she's apparently closed up tight like Fort Knox. She and Bella have been spending a lot of time behind closed doors together.

Alice and Rose dragged Bella shopping early this week as well. As it turns out, Bella can control herself and isn't having any real problems around humans. Rose has had an argument or two with her over seemingly nothing but they seem to be growing closer. I always thought that Rose would eventually come around and like Bella. Bella just had to stand up to her a few times first.

All in all, life is good. Everyone has someone, no one is on suicide watch, and we have a fight brewing on the horizon. I can't say that I can complain about Bella returning to the family. We're complete. Now I just have to figure out how to win fighting her sometime before all of that newborn strength wears off...

**End note: This story is in terrible need of some editing so.... don't be shocked if what looks like "new chapters" start showing up if you keep this on story alert. I'm going to be replacing the messed up chapters with fixed versions.**


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